i often post emotional things in this space has just been described by this lovely post HERE that i found thru her.
this topic has been on my mind as of late. sometimes i click on a blog or link, and think, you have so much story to tell, i wish you would tell it. i know you are going thru this or that and what a brilliant thing to tell. truth be told, maybe sometimes i divulge too much here. sometimes you leave thinking i would never say this or that and why on earth would she write that.
for me, well, it's therapeutic. when i write things about my mother heart and the house buying process that has been bend over backwards miserable until as of late, i write in the moment. i can't replicate those feelings or thoughts when they have passed. one day when my kids read these things in their adult years, i hope they feel a stronger connection to me as i share honestly what our life is like. good and bad. that is the game we play.
a few weekends ago i bumped into a friend from childhood and she mentioned she read my blog. i know a few of her cousins do too. instantly things running thru my head gave me a fright. like, oh mercy. lawsy mercy mild, their aunt, who is an english teacher, heaven help if she ever read this blog. i ran into her the next weekend. profusely apologizing for my grammar and spelling if she ever were to happen upon it. i don't write to be proper. i write to express, that means. sometimes my apostrophe's don't land in the "proper" place. my capitalizing goes by the way side because i get too excited by the thoughts begging to be written down. there, my apologetic plea to any english teachers or lovers that may peruse my ramblings.
my challenge is to write more. i need to more deeply fulfill my need to read real life, real women, real feelings, real monday nights that don't always entail laminated nephi handouts, sundays that end in feeling depleted inside and out, love notes from the tooth fairy that leave you and your lover in fits and fits of giggles in the hall way, and then - tears of pride for a toothless lady's sweet reality.
surely, you will feel better, more fulfilled and your loved ones will find a new found person unfolding on the pages, until the next heartfelt post......
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
have i told you about...
the zoo song? no, your head will love it and it will become ear candy fo sho. your kids? they will dance and sing over and over. in fact it is quite possible you might get sick of the zoo song if your kids get ahold of it.
my brother has a lovely music blog. before he was married he worked his tail off to get a CD put together. i think he did a great job. my kids love this zoo song. GO HERE to hear for yourself. {just click on number 3}
{never break} is one he wrote for hella and i cry every time i hear it.
{one hope} is little bud "e"s star wars song.
do you know this guy? he just wrote brother a very sweet email letting him know how superb he thought his song writing is and invited him to open a show in the spring. i'll keep you posted....
my brother has a lovely music blog. before he was married he worked his tail off to get a CD put together. i think he did a great job. my kids love this zoo song. GO HERE to hear for yourself. {just click on number 3}
{never break} is one he wrote for hella and i cry every time i hear it.
{one hope} is little bud "e"s star wars song.
do you know this guy? he just wrote brother a very sweet email letting him know how superb he thought his song writing is and invited him to open a show in the spring. i'll keep you posted....
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
wanted: a pen pal for...
this cutie petutie
because, the tooth fairy,ahem, pictured below,
received this love letter from her tonight under her pillow :
dear tooth fairy,
what is your address? are you a boy or girl? will you be my pen pal?
love, "winds of love"
the above pictured fairy responded with the following:
dear "winds of love",
you are loosing these so fast! wow! be careful eating, it is getting more tricky. i am a girl fairy. we don't have mail in fairy land, we just have magical bells that ring messages we understand. i would love to find you a pen pal though. i will leave the name under your pillow tomorrow night.
love,
the tooth fairy
i am hoping someone can help us out? i remember having a pen pal in the 4th, maybe 5th grade. it was wonderful. i want for her and she apparently wants too.
a girl is our only term......
late night ramblings....
this one is for you brother....
although far away, my children beg to see you and your new bride.
why, just last night my little hella was up to her fantastic torture tactics kick boxing mine and s.mac's head at 3:30 A.M.
while drifting in and out of sleep, i was startled to hear her say in her sleep:
"camn, toys, funny, camn, toy, ella, funny." she was giggling in her sleep, over and over.
alternating the above mentioned words repeatedly. it all made sense at that point. s.mac and my heads were the object of this funny dream, the toys she was playing with you, how delightful.
please come soon, replace this kick boxing memory with another more peaceful one.....
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
okay, okay....
the best of the worst......and then something about the pride goeth before the fall.......
the unrecognizable truth..
in preparation for my 10 year high school reunion there was much anxiety about my appearance. when i tried explaining this anxious ridden state to others around me, they would laugh and tell me i had nothing to worry about. they didn't understand until they themselves witnessed what happens more often than not to me when i have the chance meeting of folks from my past. the honest truth is - most don't recognize me.
this is awfully perplexing to me. i feel the same, same hair color (for the most part), same eyes, not so much the same body, i was a little heavier in high school - but for the most part, i feel the same. close friends have been with me as i have been in this situation and then given me credit and told me they believed me.
recently i got my hair fussed up, i changed one simple detail. i got a very thick bang, very thick. not a wispy line, but a remember the 80's bang. now folks, i've tried taking self portraits to demonstrate my point but i'm too proud. there, i said it. i can't do it. self portrait shots are far too revealing. why, in one there was a random shoe and boot in the background. in another i feared a random plastic surgeon would bang my door down immediately asking to perform a rhinoplasty. i would then have to explain that when i took that self portrait i tilted my head ever so slightly, enlarging something that i am fine with - my rhino that is. after all, tilting worked for deb and uncle rico.
now, where was i? oh, right, the part about the 80's. somehow in my ever searching mind, i thought a thick bang would do well for me, compliment me or something. plus, it seems hot right now. so....
this is awfully perplexing to me. i feel the same, same hair color (for the most part), same eyes, not so much the same body, i was a little heavier in high school - but for the most part, i feel the same. close friends have been with me as i have been in this situation and then given me credit and told me they believed me.
recently i got my hair fussed up, i changed one simple detail. i got a very thick bang, very thick. not a wispy line, but a remember the 80's bang. now folks, i've tried taking self portraits to demonstrate my point but i'm too proud. there, i said it. i can't do it. self portrait shots are far too revealing. why, in one there was a random shoe and boot in the background. in another i feared a random plastic surgeon would bang my door down immediately asking to perform a rhinoplasty. i would then have to explain that when i took that self portrait i tilted my head ever so slightly, enlarging something that i am fine with - my rhino that is. after all, tilting worked for deb and uncle rico.
now, where was i? oh, right, the part about the 80's. somehow in my ever searching mind, i thought a thick bang would do well for me, compliment me or something. plus, it seems hot right now. so....
who would have guessed this venture into mainstream fashion would make me more unrecognizable than ever?
three people in one day last month.
THREE PEOPLE.
IN ONE DAY.
and one, oh boy. one of them was someone i was engaged to. how awful. hadn't seen the lad in 7 years or so and then when we almost crashed into one another at the local market, my mouth involuntarily belted his name out. no hello or anything, just a shocked blurting. he looked and looked and then said my name, more of a question. then some rambling about how he didn't recognize me at all. it was odd and weird and i just kept strolling on. there wasn't a conversation either one of us wanted to have. what do you say to someone you came 10 days shy of marrying? aye me.
the worst encounters so far.
the people who let me down the most. the ones we have laughed hardest about. the folks who gave me life..... one two separate accounts they both gave a polite greeting with a dumbfounded look on their faces. my dad came back from a week of hunting with mountain man. they walked in the door and i shrieked some hallelujah only to be greeted with a dumbfounded look on this hunters face. it was his polite face, one i have seen my whole dadgum life. and me, his eldest - the recipient of it. horrified. once he realized it was me he apologized and laughed profusely. profusely. laughing at his unrecognizable child.
me madre. i pulled up next to her at the local financial institution and encouraged my children to wave energetically at their grandma. wave children wave, give your grandmother something to be proud of. she finally looked up at us and gave the polite wave, certainly not the grandma wave. finally, realizing her own flesh and blood, she broke into fits of giggles. fits and fits. thoughts of {why are my grandchildren with that woman} crossed her mind - only to be startled by the recognition of her firstborn.
where does this leave me?
going back to long and plain. growing the 80's out and bringing them back to the 09 era. unrecognizable is for a woman confident and strong. i am still in my 20's and can't pull it off. so, wish me luck in my endeavors that leave me dreaming of chia pets......
Monday, January 26, 2009
the kimchi that got away
when we lived on the east coast we were crammed into a small, typical east coast living arrangement. 4 families in a space about a decent sized house would fit one family normally. we were subject to conversations loud and small, knowing every detail of the other families schedules. we knew the italians across the hall had an autistic kid before they accepted it. a 3 year old up until 3 am running a muck, screaming and screaming, never slept thru the night and always screaming with mottled words. things falling off our walls from the disgruntled child awaiting diagnosis.
we also knew the korean family above us put their kids to bed at 9 pm and we could smell the sushi they made with spam and eggs with the occasional kimchi assaults. they were probably offended by our smells and sounds too. that was life. we adjusted, complained and cried into a friendly routine with them all.
we were subject to cultures on a daily basis. the english that came with it always kept me entertained, always. the Spaniards kitty corner didn't understand halloween, the italians didn't understand early bedtimes and the koreans didn't understand star wars. we are a weird culture.
in turn, i always had to laugh at the words they used or they way they said things, trying to understand our complex language. our favorite korean family above us would randomly insert L's for R's. just randomly. "winds of love" given name was always said properly, but the Spaniard, katarina was always katalina. it was on and off and bless their hearts. it always made me chuckle....
one year i decided to take on a regular babysitting job to help raise money for our cross country move. i did occasional babysitting for a few clients, it was vary sporadic and i liked that. it was our go out to eat money, clothes for the kids money and just play money. it was nice in a time of pinched pennies. so.... i put the word out to a few clients that i was looking for something part time and steady. i got a call from a lady that worked at the science lab and some of her friends were looking for someone 2 days a week. turned out they lived right across the way from us. i met with the mom, enyoung, and we met seoyanna the baby, it was a great fit. the dad, sangtae was great. this went on for 2 months without a hitch. then, i surprisingly got pregnant. and i started noticing a smell on this sweet little girl. it was crazy and offensive to my pregnant nose. i finally realized that they were traditional korean people consuming unearthly amounts of kimchi. it enters every part of their bodies. to a sensitive nose i was dry heaving all day. it took 2 days to recover after she was gone. that sounds awful but the last pregnancy was tough, not to mention the colitis and daily migraines. i had to end the job and felt horrible but told them i was pregnant and couldn't give her the attention she needed.
all of this culture exposure leads me to a story happening today in our little lives. hella's speech impediments are showing themselves as her words take off. apparently all the babysitting and kimchi exposure have seeped into her bones. all of a sudden "winds of love" is glayce, grandma is glandma and grandpa is proudly accepting his status of glandpa.
yesterday, hella and i were grocery shopping alone. a privilege these days with a little bud "e" in afternoon school. as i was getting her out of the car, she started pointing and whispering to me. i couldn't understand her and she kept saying it over and over. i finally stopped in the middle of the parking lot and looked at her face.
what are you saying baby?
pointing to the front of the store to a crew cut balding gentleman she whispered,"glandpa, glandpa pete mommy, glandpa pete."
really? could her little mind remember that long ago? still think about him? i had to catch my heart from wanting to believe her and run to this glandpa. then the tears started. and this is the part of mourning when your heart knows you'll see them again, but just a few minutes in the parking lot for a quick hug and kiss wouldn't hurt. it reminded me that a life lived well to others is what gets you thru this hard time. i get to let his life affect how i do things and what choices i make by the good life he led. makes me love him more.....
we also knew the korean family above us put their kids to bed at 9 pm and we could smell the sushi they made with spam and eggs with the occasional kimchi assaults. they were probably offended by our smells and sounds too. that was life. we adjusted, complained and cried into a friendly routine with them all.
we were subject to cultures on a daily basis. the english that came with it always kept me entertained, always. the Spaniards kitty corner didn't understand halloween, the italians didn't understand early bedtimes and the koreans didn't understand star wars. we are a weird culture.
in turn, i always had to laugh at the words they used or they way they said things, trying to understand our complex language. our favorite korean family above us would randomly insert L's for R's. just randomly. "winds of love" given name was always said properly, but the Spaniard, katarina was always katalina. it was on and off and bless their hearts. it always made me chuckle....
one year i decided to take on a regular babysitting job to help raise money for our cross country move. i did occasional babysitting for a few clients, it was vary sporadic and i liked that. it was our go out to eat money, clothes for the kids money and just play money. it was nice in a time of pinched pennies. so.... i put the word out to a few clients that i was looking for something part time and steady. i got a call from a lady that worked at the science lab and some of her friends were looking for someone 2 days a week. turned out they lived right across the way from us. i met with the mom, enyoung, and we met seoyanna the baby, it was a great fit. the dad, sangtae was great. this went on for 2 months without a hitch. then, i surprisingly got pregnant. and i started noticing a smell on this sweet little girl. it was crazy and offensive to my pregnant nose. i finally realized that they were traditional korean people consuming unearthly amounts of kimchi. it enters every part of their bodies. to a sensitive nose i was dry heaving all day. it took 2 days to recover after she was gone. that sounds awful but the last pregnancy was tough, not to mention the colitis and daily migraines. i had to end the job and felt horrible but told them i was pregnant and couldn't give her the attention she needed.
all of this culture exposure leads me to a story happening today in our little lives. hella's speech impediments are showing themselves as her words take off. apparently all the babysitting and kimchi exposure have seeped into her bones. all of a sudden "winds of love" is glayce, grandma is glandma and grandpa is proudly accepting his status of glandpa.
yesterday, hella and i were grocery shopping alone. a privilege these days with a little bud "e" in afternoon school. as i was getting her out of the car, she started pointing and whispering to me. i couldn't understand her and she kept saying it over and over. i finally stopped in the middle of the parking lot and looked at her face.
what are you saying baby?
pointing to the front of the store to a crew cut balding gentleman she whispered,"glandpa, glandpa pete mommy, glandpa pete."
really? could her little mind remember that long ago? still think about him? i had to catch my heart from wanting to believe her and run to this glandpa. then the tears started. and this is the part of mourning when your heart knows you'll see them again, but just a few minutes in the parking lot for a quick hug and kiss wouldn't hurt. it reminded me that a life lived well to others is what gets you thru this hard time. i get to let his life affect how i do things and what choices i make by the good life he led. makes me love him more.....
Sunday, January 25, 2009
{love letters from h.mac}
dear brother #4,
surprised it's is you? don't be.....
quiet, peaceful and always there. calm. really, really calm.
always happy. always dependable.
and when we lived under the same roof, that phone. i tell you, the phone always ringing for you. although i am sure it had to do with the nickname given you by a group of ladies - devin mc"fine"- i'm sure it also had to do with the fact that you are a friend to everyone. that's about the biggest compliment i can give to you brother. your friends no know bounds. you draw everyone into you and what you are and stand for.
remember when we would fast forward pee wee's big adventure to the part that large marge transformed into a crazy lady? we would say, come in, that part's over now brother. and then.......right as you walked in we would unpause the movie and you would scream and cry? i'm sorry for all 1,233,455 times we did that do you, please forgive us. that was mean, and the harry and the hendersons movie you were afraid of, (what 3 year old wouldn't be) sorry about that one too.......
i love your early morning happiness. mountain man and i were talking yesterday about how you were up and fed by 6 every morning and how one summer we thought what the heck? is there sometheing good happening we don't know about? and how that whole summer we tried beating you in getting up. well, the truth was, you got control of the remote and that was as good as $1 bill to us. too bad the inner sleep demon took over mountain man, veener and i. still has, maybe you are born a happy waker upper.......
i love you i do. i love how patient you are with my kids and how they love you. words aren't enough for this sis to let you know.
much love,
h.mac
Saturday, January 24, 2009
sold...
to me....
i see many days ending in this place of mine. we just need one more for the kids. childhood wouldn't be complete without something like this scrubbing the dirt away....
Friday, January 23, 2009
the knowledge......
in his huge cranium is all i ever hear about. people looking at his large noggin always commenting,
"well, we know he's going to take after his daddy with a head like that."
"he's just storing all those "yale" brains up there, nothing to worry about."
well it is something to worry about. he has never measured on the charts for head growth. once we were assured he was not suffering hydrocephalis my mind could rest a bit easier. but i still worry, and then. i see a picture of my toddler father and know little bud "e" has been patterned after someone. right down to the right ear that is a little floppier than the left.
today, little bud "e" displayed his growing intellect to his proud parents.
"dad, mom, guess what i can say."
s.mac "what bud"
bud"e" " i learned to say yes AND NO in ENGLISH, wanna hear?"
{at this point i was sure he would insert spanish, sign language or something profound}
bud"e" "yes {nodding his head up and down} and no {nodding side to side}"
the pride was flowing over.........
"well, we know he's going to take after his daddy with a head like that."
"he's just storing all those "yale" brains up there, nothing to worry about."
well it is something to worry about. he has never measured on the charts for head growth. once we were assured he was not suffering hydrocephalis my mind could rest a bit easier. but i still worry, and then. i see a picture of my toddler father and know little bud "e" has been patterned after someone. right down to the right ear that is a little floppier than the left.
today, little bud "e" displayed his growing intellect to his proud parents.
"dad, mom, guess what i can say."
s.mac "what bud"
bud"e" " i learned to say yes AND NO in ENGLISH, wanna hear?"
{at this point i was sure he would insert spanish, sign language or something profound}
bud"e" "yes {nodding his head up and down} and no {nodding side to side}"
the pride was flowing over.........
Thursday, January 22, 2009
my internal indifference...
i have a friend.
his name is charles.
everyone in my surrounding area knows him. he probably knocks on their door, asks to take pictures of the tires on their car - or he will make an appointment with you to come by his house. you can't come to the door or honk your horn. no, no, you must wait. very patiently outside, up to twenty minutes, and he will come out....eventually.
your treat might entail a snack size candy bar, a pack of movie popcorn, or a melted chocolate morsel he carried in his pocket for a few days.
he might call and ask to sing you a song, ask advice for an ailing knee, ask the spelling of something or ask for a friends phone number he assumes you know. he also makes the rounds around the neighborhood asking for a cheering section at his special needs basketball games. his dreams entail a full blown crowd of women adoring his newly acquired jazz uniform.
yesterday he called me. i have to be honest and say i ignored the first call, i was up to my armpits in butternut squash and apple soup. right in the pureeing process and felt too busy. he called back a few minutes later only to have little bud "e" pick up and say in his best speech impeded voice, "mom, it's sarles". i knew i needed to attend to this call, he's been known to call up to 40 times in an hour. this one needed no neglect.
i was being huffy and here is how the conversation went:
me: hi charles
charles: hi (long pause and a giggle)
me: what can i do for you today charles?
charles: um, i went to the dentist today. and there is something i need you to do for me.
unnecessary insert-this phrase from him always scares me. one day he was out of food and needed me to bring lunch NOW, other days he needs me to drop everything and take him to the library NOW.
me: what is that charles.
charles: well, on march the 4th, i am going back to the dantit. i need your whole family to do something for me. i need you all to nal and say a pear for me.
me: what charles, what are you saying. i can't understand you very well, i am cooking and have some noise here.
charles: (chuckles) on march 4th i am going to the DENTIST and i need your whole family to KNEEL down and say a PRAYER for me. i need heavenly father to come down and be with me, right there because it might be scary. so will you put that on your calendar for me. just mark it down. i just really need him there that day.
me: yes, charles, i can do that. you'll do fine and i am glad you know who to ask for help.
then, all day i felt like a slug. the other day he was at my house. he wants something "good to drink". he won't take me telling him what's in my fridge, he needs to stand there with it open for a while and look for himself. then, he wants something good to eat. always eying my fruit. he always comes before dinner, the height of zaney"ness" at my house. likes to watch me cook. he saved me from a house fire the other day as he calmly stated that my oven was on fire. some grease from the pan had spilled and caught fire. i didn't understand him at first and then at the third try i turned in enough time to see my oven a flaming. it occurred to me that day that inside his hands full of palsy, his mind trapped, limited and always going and his crooked smile that there was a perfect spirit in the midst of it all. one day, far in the future and in another place, something deep inside me tells me we will be friends.... still. i will have to account for how i treated him here. maybe he will ask me, why were you so snippy that day, i was just trying to show you love.
ahhh. i don't know why it seems to be a pain in my side sometimes, his calls, visits, requests. should be an honor to have a kid like that in my home.
he announced yesterday it was high time i invited him to dinner. after all he watches me cook so much, he's ready to try the food he sees me cooking.
and so i told him, yes charles, you soon will get a dinner invitation to this house. and we talked about his favorite foods and what he likes to eat. then as he was leaving, he said, now do you remember what we talked about today? do you remember what you are going to do for me?
yes, i remember and probably will never forget.....
his name is charles.
everyone in my surrounding area knows him. he probably knocks on their door, asks to take pictures of the tires on their car - or he will make an appointment with you to come by his house. you can't come to the door or honk your horn. no, no, you must wait. very patiently outside, up to twenty minutes, and he will come out....eventually.
your treat might entail a snack size candy bar, a pack of movie popcorn, or a melted chocolate morsel he carried in his pocket for a few days.
he might call and ask to sing you a song, ask advice for an ailing knee, ask the spelling of something or ask for a friends phone number he assumes you know. he also makes the rounds around the neighborhood asking for a cheering section at his special needs basketball games. his dreams entail a full blown crowd of women adoring his newly acquired jazz uniform.
yesterday he called me. i have to be honest and say i ignored the first call, i was up to my armpits in butternut squash and apple soup. right in the pureeing process and felt too busy. he called back a few minutes later only to have little bud "e" pick up and say in his best speech impeded voice, "mom, it's sarles". i knew i needed to attend to this call, he's been known to call up to 40 times in an hour. this one needed no neglect.
i was being huffy and here is how the conversation went:
me: hi charles
charles: hi (long pause and a giggle)
me: what can i do for you today charles?
charles: um, i went to the dentist today. and there is something i need you to do for me.
unnecessary insert-this phrase from him always scares me. one day he was out of food and needed me to bring lunch NOW, other days he needs me to drop everything and take him to the library NOW.
me: what is that charles.
charles: well, on march the 4th, i am going back to the dantit. i need your whole family to do something for me. i need you all to nal and say a pear for me.
me: what charles, what are you saying. i can't understand you very well, i am cooking and have some noise here.
charles: (chuckles) on march 4th i am going to the DENTIST and i need your whole family to KNEEL down and say a PRAYER for me. i need heavenly father to come down and be with me, right there because it might be scary. so will you put that on your calendar for me. just mark it down. i just really need him there that day.
me: yes, charles, i can do that. you'll do fine and i am glad you know who to ask for help.
then, all day i felt like a slug. the other day he was at my house. he wants something "good to drink". he won't take me telling him what's in my fridge, he needs to stand there with it open for a while and look for himself. then, he wants something good to eat. always eying my fruit. he always comes before dinner, the height of zaney"ness" at my house. likes to watch me cook. he saved me from a house fire the other day as he calmly stated that my oven was on fire. some grease from the pan had spilled and caught fire. i didn't understand him at first and then at the third try i turned in enough time to see my oven a flaming. it occurred to me that day that inside his hands full of palsy, his mind trapped, limited and always going and his crooked smile that there was a perfect spirit in the midst of it all. one day, far in the future and in another place, something deep inside me tells me we will be friends.... still. i will have to account for how i treated him here. maybe he will ask me, why were you so snippy that day, i was just trying to show you love.
ahhh. i don't know why it seems to be a pain in my side sometimes, his calls, visits, requests. should be an honor to have a kid like that in my home.
he announced yesterday it was high time i invited him to dinner. after all he watches me cook so much, he's ready to try the food he sees me cooking.
and so i told him, yes charles, you soon will get a dinner invitation to this house. and we talked about his favorite foods and what he likes to eat. then as he was leaving, he said, now do you remember what we talked about today? do you remember what you are going to do for me?
yes, i remember and probably will never forget.....
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
removal on hold..
should have been a big day for us with the little toddler scheduled for the surgery and all, but...
she only started feeling better from her 11 day stint with the stomach bug monday night. they told us no way, and
we said okay.
we are on hold until they feel she is stable enough to go thru the ringer again.
i feel like we sure are paying our january dues. but on a happy note, little hella is eating and sleeping her way thru recovery like a champ. sleeping until 9:30 or 10:00 and triple breakfasts, multiple toast helpings and all of the begging for more you could think of........
she only started feeling better from her 11 day stint with the stomach bug monday night. they told us no way, and
we said okay.
we are on hold until they feel she is stable enough to go thru the ringer again.
i feel like we sure are paying our january dues. but on a happy note, little hella is eating and sleeping her way thru recovery like a champ. sleeping until 9:30 or 10:00 and triple breakfasts, multiple toast helpings and all of the begging for more you could think of........
Monday, January 19, 2009
holes of happiness
on again off again
off again on again
and so on and so on.
graduation was september 2006, who would have thought it would have taken longer to settle down than it did to get the masters degree?
the week before this hole was dug, my head could not see how it was going to happen. we had called it all off. there was the selling of the condo, the firing of the underwriter who kept rejecting our loan and then the angel loan officers that made us alive again. and now thru down right heavens parting and miracles, we are the proud owners of hole with cement footings. i'll keep updating progress, not really knowing when we will be done or finished. hopefully summer. it's going a lot faster than we thought with slow construction times. anyway, here's to happy holes.... and....
am i wierd to want to include these things in our home?
yes, no,
darn ksl.com - you keep me up at night picturing how perfect all of this stuff would be...
meet our own nanny mcphee
she has an issue with letting go of things, to the point of ridiculousness. of the 3 teeth lost, s.mac tricked her into pulling one, the substitute teacher pulled the other and the last one fell, just dangled right out. this one? last night she said she was afraid to go to sleep because she might choke on it, so she just prayed real hard it would be there in the morning. guess what?
prayer works...
prayer works...
Friday, January 16, 2009
my little chef..
apparently hella thought that markers sounded good for dinner after she secured her new christmas apron.......
Thursday, January 15, 2009
when life gives you lemons....
well, not really lemons. but the stomach bug. and i mean BUG.
need not expound too much.
it all started with little hella last friday night, all thru the weekend. hoping we were over the worst of it i woke up monday with a renewed energy to be healthy and get out. hella required a bucket for 36 hours straight. there was not a lot of sleeping involved. so, when i got the call from bud "e"s preschool teacher on monday that there was an unfortunate incident involving his unwanted lunch, i cringed.
it was all down hill from there. got a call from s.mac that he had hit the floor while in the O.R. assisting on a shoulder. it hit him suddenly and he couldn't help but acquaint himself with the sterile floor. the nurses obliged him with a pillow on the floor while he came around. he attempted one more time to be the first assist only to be dismissed. i got the call from him and at that same time felt a little queasy myself. i blew it off to assisting in too much clean up. within the hour all five of us were begging and i mean begging for mercy. s.mac was just a whimpering away. my kidneys were wishing they were somewhere other than the body they were in receiving torture and lashings. my little "winds of love" was the last to fall and was in that bathroom every 20 minutes for 12 hours. needless to say we did not sleep that night.
tuesday was a big day for healing at this house. there was a lot of gatorade consumed, lots of crackers crunched and lots of bathing, bleach and hot water washing and throwing away.
for now, i am off to hydrate......
need not expound too much.
it all started with little hella last friday night, all thru the weekend. hoping we were over the worst of it i woke up monday with a renewed energy to be healthy and get out. hella required a bucket for 36 hours straight. there was not a lot of sleeping involved. so, when i got the call from bud "e"s preschool teacher on monday that there was an unfortunate incident involving his unwanted lunch, i cringed.
it was all down hill from there. got a call from s.mac that he had hit the floor while in the O.R. assisting on a shoulder. it hit him suddenly and he couldn't help but acquaint himself with the sterile floor. the nurses obliged him with a pillow on the floor while he came around. he attempted one more time to be the first assist only to be dismissed. i got the call from him and at that same time felt a little queasy myself. i blew it off to assisting in too much clean up. within the hour all five of us were begging and i mean begging for mercy. s.mac was just a whimpering away. my kidneys were wishing they were somewhere other than the body they were in receiving torture and lashings. my little "winds of love" was the last to fall and was in that bathroom every 20 minutes for 12 hours. needless to say we did not sleep that night.
tuesday was a big day for healing at this house. there was a lot of gatorade consumed, lots of crackers crunched and lots of bathing, bleach and hot water washing and throwing away.
for now, i am off to hydrate......
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
the root of all evil...
is in a 2 year olds mouth.
apparently it is why she has been so mad since birth, or so the dr. tells me. i took her in for her well child check up. she cries the second we pull up to the office. he has never really successfully looked in her mouth because of the screaming, screaming and kicking. but, finally.
he got a look. before that part he said, mom, how are her sleeping habits.
i hate this question.
well, in september i weened the toddler and she slept thru the night for about a month. then, she would wake up screaming, half asleep half awake. we need to touch her to get her awake and calm her down.
mom, you need to let her cry it out. this is rewarding bad sleep habits the dr said.
i smile and think, i am the mom, i'll do what i want. i know when a child is waking up for fun and when there's torture involved.
then, the fun part of mouth searching comes in.
he looks at her tonsils and says, oh my, oh man. mom we need to get her to the ENT immediately. they are dangerously big. i mean as quick as you can. she has been suffering apnea at night, not getting enough oxygen and therefore not really fully sleeping.
oh the relief. really. relief and then sadness. no sleep for 2 years, that's miserable.
so, next wednesday. hella and her super sized tonsils will part their evil ways. we just might have to rename the child. hella out the door hopefully and maybe a real nice nick name.......
apparently it is why she has been so mad since birth, or so the dr. tells me. i took her in for her well child check up. she cries the second we pull up to the office. he has never really successfully looked in her mouth because of the screaming, screaming and kicking. but, finally.
he got a look. before that part he said, mom, how are her sleeping habits.
i hate this question.
well, in september i weened the toddler and she slept thru the night for about a month. then, she would wake up screaming, half asleep half awake. we need to touch her to get her awake and calm her down.
mom, you need to let her cry it out. this is rewarding bad sleep habits the dr said.
i smile and think, i am the mom, i'll do what i want. i know when a child is waking up for fun and when there's torture involved.
then, the fun part of mouth searching comes in.
he looks at her tonsils and says, oh my, oh man. mom we need to get her to the ENT immediately. they are dangerously big. i mean as quick as you can. she has been suffering apnea at night, not getting enough oxygen and therefore not really fully sleeping.
oh the relief. really. relief and then sadness. no sleep for 2 years, that's miserable.
so, next wednesday. hella and her super sized tonsils will part their evil ways. we just might have to rename the child. hella out the door hopefully and maybe a real nice nick name.......
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
and the winner is....
Stacie said...
Sonora Grill sounds great to me also. I didn't know it was Steve B. that owns it. I'll have to try it and go say hi. Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, it was nice to finally hear how things can turn out positive!
yay stacie! email me at scott4heidi@aol.com with your address and i will get your card in the mail! congrats.......
and thanks for entering everyone. i hope you go and give this place a try, maybe your heart will pitter patter like mine does when i drink the green salsa....
Sonora Grill sounds great to me also. I didn't know it was Steve B. that owns it. I'll have to try it and go say hi. Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, it was nice to finally hear how things can turn out positive!
yay stacie! email me at scott4heidi@aol.com with your address and i will get your card in the mail! congrats.......
and thanks for entering everyone. i hope you go and give this place a try, maybe your heart will pitter patter like mine does when i drink the green salsa....
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
GIVEAWAY...here....
you read it right. my little blog. and it's not my ornery children that i'm giving away. nope, something else that i have a real passion for.
FOOD and eating out.
the sonora grill is located in ogden, utah at the new solomon center in ogden. it is really quite the happening little complex.
we ventured down there after it first opened. s.mac and i are friends with the owner. he and i have known each other since childhood and he and s.mac were buddies in high school.
i am used to utah mexican, which is its own variety. i love it, i do. but if you are looking for an experience and something very authentic, the sonora grill will give you that.
what do i love and can i describe it for you?
when we first went in we weren't sure what to expect. the building is beautiful with every art piece and fixture authentic to the area they patterned the cuisine after. everything there is authentic.
the cheese is other planet good. it is specific to the regional cuisine they serve. their beans smooth and light, the corn on the cob is a pleaser anytime. in fact, my "winds of love" got it yesterday, in the middle of winter, and it transported me to mid summer with the baby corn taste. awesome. the salsa is very different. it is not going to be your typical tomatoes and onions. it is a smoky morita salsa served alongside a lime salsa. i want to drink them both. the chips are perfection and the biggest thing i am a fan of, okay 2 things that rock my world.
the carne asada burrito and
the chicken quesadilla.
the meat in both are so incredibly seasoned and prepared, i can't get enough.
okay, okay, i'm lying. there's more. the carne asada quesadilla, the ceviche. what is ceviche? well, the one i like is their big rock shrimp ceviche. it has shrimp, cured in lime juice, with tomatoes, onion, mint and you must. i mean really, you must. you eat it with chips and oh, lawsy mercy, other planet good.
their lemonades are exquisite, everyday featuring a new flavor that transports you from rocky mountains to the islands. divine.
dessert - i am a huge fan of the banana split. vanilla bean ice cream with a grilled banana, pineapple, chocolate fudge with chocolate shavings on the top. we have to with hold the snorting while we gobble it up. my honesty begs me to tell you i have tried all of their desserts and you can't go wrong with one thing.
they also offer a variety of specials you can read about it here on their blog like early bird specials, free anniversary dinners, free birthday dinners, hello! also, they have a great room in the back that is private and can seat up to 10 people. i love this! we go out to eat with big groups often and i am always dreading the wait for a place that won't take reservations so a private eatery that is so willing to accommodate is a heaven send. these people are here to stay. that is one thing i look for in a restaurant, the service and how you feel when you go in. the owner is sure to be greeting every guest, filling water as well as telling you about avocados that he prepares table side when you order the out of this world guacamole. he is dedicated to the ogden area and his sweet wife is a trooper to let her husband serve us so much, really. they are dedicated to making your experience pleasurable.
have i not convinced you? here is their site HERE and here is another write up with fabulous pictures HERE.
the most gracious emily of the sonora grill contacted me and told me i could give away a gift certificate for $20 to one lucky winner. i know i have a lot of out of staters reading this blog and i also know you visit once in a while, so don't be shy! leave a comment in this post, we will close the give away on sunday, january 4 and i will announce the winner on monday. good luck to all of you!
p.s. add a link to their site on your blog and you will be cool. cuz i think it's pretty..........
FOOD and eating out.
the sonora grill is located in ogden, utah at the new solomon center in ogden. it is really quite the happening little complex.
we ventured down there after it first opened. s.mac and i are friends with the owner. he and i have known each other since childhood and he and s.mac were buddies in high school.
i am used to utah mexican, which is its own variety. i love it, i do. but if you are looking for an experience and something very authentic, the sonora grill will give you that.
what do i love and can i describe it for you?
when we first went in we weren't sure what to expect. the building is beautiful with every art piece and fixture authentic to the area they patterned the cuisine after. everything there is authentic.
the cheese is other planet good. it is specific to the regional cuisine they serve. their beans smooth and light, the corn on the cob is a pleaser anytime. in fact, my "winds of love" got it yesterday, in the middle of winter, and it transported me to mid summer with the baby corn taste. awesome. the salsa is very different. it is not going to be your typical tomatoes and onions. it is a smoky morita salsa served alongside a lime salsa. i want to drink them both. the chips are perfection and the biggest thing i am a fan of, okay 2 things that rock my world.
the carne asada burrito and
the chicken quesadilla.
the meat in both are so incredibly seasoned and prepared, i can't get enough.
okay, okay, i'm lying. there's more. the carne asada quesadilla, the ceviche. what is ceviche? well, the one i like is their big rock shrimp ceviche. it has shrimp, cured in lime juice, with tomatoes, onion, mint and you must. i mean really, you must. you eat it with chips and oh, lawsy mercy, other planet good.
their lemonades are exquisite, everyday featuring a new flavor that transports you from rocky mountains to the islands. divine.
dessert - i am a huge fan of the banana split. vanilla bean ice cream with a grilled banana, pineapple, chocolate fudge with chocolate shavings on the top. we have to with hold the snorting while we gobble it up. my honesty begs me to tell you i have tried all of their desserts and you can't go wrong with one thing.
they also offer a variety of specials you can read about it here on their blog like early bird specials, free anniversary dinners, free birthday dinners, hello! also, they have a great room in the back that is private and can seat up to 10 people. i love this! we go out to eat with big groups often and i am always dreading the wait for a place that won't take reservations so a private eatery that is so willing to accommodate is a heaven send. these people are here to stay. that is one thing i look for in a restaurant, the service and how you feel when you go in. the owner is sure to be greeting every guest, filling water as well as telling you about avocados that he prepares table side when you order the out of this world guacamole. he is dedicated to the ogden area and his sweet wife is a trooper to let her husband serve us so much, really. they are dedicated to making your experience pleasurable.
have i not convinced you? here is their site HERE and here is another write up with fabulous pictures HERE.
the most gracious emily of the sonora grill contacted me and told me i could give away a gift certificate for $20 to one lucky winner. i know i have a lot of out of staters reading this blog and i also know you visit once in a while, so don't be shy! leave a comment in this post, we will close the give away on sunday, january 4 and i will announce the winner on monday. good luck to all of you!
p.s. add a link to their site on your blog and you will be cool. cuz i think it's pretty..........
Monday, December 29, 2008
my obsession...
is being cheap. i like a good deal.
my friend lori turned me onto this site tonight and i am a little, okay A LOT excited about this. they had these on the east coast and i am major excited to have this.
click here for the food co-op
i have been couponing on and off for the past year. last week i had a "cry in the store" experience with my now {not favorite store} and it makes me slow down in my intensity with couponing. it is a lot of work and i hate that sometimes i get so excited about .50 cent crackers and .50 cent toothpaste. i load up so much that when i go to fix dinner, we have to eat toothpaste crackers. i haven't figured out the balance yet. this co op is so cheap, plus the fresh veggies and fruits? this is my idea of heaven. also, since i have been couponing, i find us eating frozen food occasionally because it is so cheap and always on sale. I HATE FROZEN FOOD. s.mac had a professor that would use the phrase, "it'll kill you deader than hell". and that is how i feel about frozen food. it just can't be right. i even went thru a phase where i made a bunch of meals and froze them. i just couldn't eat them frozen. in fact, a perfectly good lasagna sits frozen in my freezer month after month because of my issue.
this tangent was brought to you so that you could check this site out, go and click here
my friend lori turned me onto this site tonight and i am a little, okay A LOT excited about this. they had these on the east coast and i am major excited to have this.
click here for the food co-op
i have been couponing on and off for the past year. last week i had a "cry in the store" experience with my now {not favorite store} and it makes me slow down in my intensity with couponing. it is a lot of work and i hate that sometimes i get so excited about .50 cent crackers and .50 cent toothpaste. i load up so much that when i go to fix dinner, we have to eat toothpaste crackers. i haven't figured out the balance yet. this co op is so cheap, plus the fresh veggies and fruits? this is my idea of heaven. also, since i have been couponing, i find us eating frozen food occasionally because it is so cheap and always on sale. I HATE FROZEN FOOD. s.mac had a professor that would use the phrase, "it'll kill you deader than hell". and that is how i feel about frozen food. it just can't be right. i even went thru a phase where i made a bunch of meals and froze them. i just couldn't eat them frozen. in fact, a perfectly good lasagna sits frozen in my freezer month after month because of my issue.
this tangent was brought to you so that you could check this site out, go and click here
Sunday, December 28, 2008
birthday love for my bud "e"
he's my little guy.
well, not so little anymore.
he's growing into his boy skin much, much too fast, one potty word at a time.
when i'd hold him as a baby, i couldn't believe how in love i was with a boy. there
is nothing quite like a little boy loving his mom. nothing.
he was the most quiet, sleepy baby ever. he loved, loved, loved his momma. that love got me thru a hard time in my life and i am so grateful i had him for that stage.
his strengths are his sleeping abilities. they have never ceased to amaze me. when he was little he was sleeping thru the night at the hospital. he had to be circumcised to awake after many cold baths and 11 hours of no waking up, that is how serious the boy takes his sleeping. as a toddler he would tell me, mom, it's time for a nap or bedtime, and then go put himself to bed. ahhh, this is a glorious perk.
always attached to me as a baby and now, growing into his big boy skin, gravitates towards legos, "guys", being naughty and star wars. always has. as a wee toddler, he told everyone the baby in my tummy {hella} was "bump bader" (darth vader). he has had light saber fixation since he turned 1. he has watched with intense interest and at 2 years old could tell you more about the star wars trilogy than george lucas.
he loves. loves and loves. he loves his sisters although days aren't complete without a right hook or a good tease. he has humor deep in his bones and likes to break out in song with hilarious lyrics often. this year, he told me the following,
"mom, santa doesn't really care if you are naughty or not. last year i said like a ton of potty words and i still got my DS (nintendo). so this year i don't think it really matters if i try to be good or not." he has it all figured out, little stinker.
i love him and adored him with transformers, a spidey man bike with training wheels and chocolate chip pancakes with buttermilk syrup. i plan on smooching him and telling him how it took a lot of love to get him here. a little waiting to have him in my belly and some salad tongs to pull his head out, i think i will limp all day to remember the bazillion stitches i had and how i couldn't walk or sit for 3 weeks. it was a big cranium........
that aside, i love how a little boy and his momma share a strong bond.
Friday, December 26, 2008
a.t.t.e. and b.u.t.t.
the discovery of the b.u.t.t. walker
teacher game for her DS
needing some comfort when she tried to open presents that weren't hers, ahhh
the "santa" presents, one for each
a tired father on the "eve" of and proof that we do stick with 3 presents for each kid and 1 from santa....
teacher game for her DS
needing some comfort when she tried to open presents that weren't hers, ahhh
the "santa" presents, one for each
a tired father on the "eve" of and proof that we do stick with 3 presents for each kid and 1 from santa....
when christmas morning came upon us, we were greeted with a little boy who had waited for this day for a long, long time.
the glowing jammies with motion activated lights on them, crawled into our bed at 5:00 AM. every time he turned or sniffed, the lights were in our face, reminding us that we have children in our house.
the bathroom break at 6:00 AM from "winds of love" was a welcome thing as she returned to her room and finished reading her book "the secret garden".
they knew what life would be like waking the "hella" baby. we HAD to wait until she awoke on her own. HAD TO. she is like a hibernating bear disturbed mid way thru when her sleep is interrupted. and...
she kept waking up every hour crying "no santa" repeatedly. scared to death of the jolly man, she was petrified when everyone we ran into told her of tales of the jolly man coming to her house while she slept. petrified.
"hella" woke up at 8:10 am. a long wait for a "lighted" brother and reading sister. they ran in and it was a flurry of wrapping paper and shrills of delight.
"bud e" scored with an AT TE walker from the clone wars movie. hella was just as excited for this and kept yelling "sta bors" (star wars), then.....
she found her stocking and sniffed the chocolate from her crib. she went into a classic potato bug stance all curled up and such, eating away at her chocolate santa. making sure no one would hover near, she stayed to herself until the jolly souls entire contents were in her christmas belly.
then....
i hear "bud e" asking what is this star wars ship called again.
the AT TE walker bud, i kept replying.
in a moment when i was making crepes for the cheese blintzes, i heard bud "e" tell "winds of love" it was the b.u.t.t. walker. there are mostly boys in his preschool class and he has come home with a variety of new information. he doesn't know what it says, he just knows that we can't SAY that word at our house, never mind the spelling of it. and, you know, there are some of the same letters associated and all.
"winds of love" had a boring morning after the discovery that her parents were not "podders" and her most asked for and beloved IPOD of 2 years was not up their ally. that would require the assistance of a teenage auntie down the street. so, she had to wait and play with the b.u.t.t., i mean the AT TE.
all in all, a snowy day drenched in the tiredness only a parent can feel on christmas day.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
merry christmas
this week alone we have already had at least 2 feet of this stuff and supposedly, christmas day is going to give us a "storm to remember".
happily i accept this gift of a white christmas, determined to get my coconut syrup and pancake mix and toppings out to the appropriate homes. if i don't, why then what a great feast for us to eat all christmas day.
may your day be real merry and bright, we will throw a snowball for you!
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