Wednesday, January 28, 2009

anyone else..

find this info disturbing?

click here

{really? 135 grams of fat......}

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

okay, okay....

the best of the worst......and then something about the pride goeth before the fall.......

the unrecognizable truth..

in preparation for my 10 year high school reunion there was much anxiety about my appearance. when i tried explaining this anxious ridden state to others around me, they would laugh and tell me i had nothing to worry about. they didn't understand until they themselves witnessed what happens more often than not to me when i have the chance meeting of folks from my past. the honest truth is - most don't recognize me.

this is awfully perplexing to me. i feel the same, same hair color (for the most part), same eyes, not so much the same body, i was a little heavier in high school - but for the most part, i feel the same. close friends have been with me as i have been in this situation and then given me credit and told me they believed me.

recently i got my hair fussed up, i changed one simple detail. i got a very thick bang, very thick. not a wispy line, but a remember the 80's bang. now folks, i've tried taking self portraits to demonstrate my point but i'm too proud. there, i said it. i can't do it. self portrait shots are far too revealing. why, in one there was a random shoe and boot in the background. in another i feared a random plastic surgeon would bang my door down immediately asking to perform a rhinoplasty. i would then have to explain that when i took that self portrait i tilted my head ever so slightly, enlarging something that i am fine with - my rhino that is. after all, tilting worked for deb and uncle rico.

now, where was i? oh, right, the part about the 80's. somehow in my ever searching mind, i thought a thick bang would do well for me, compliment me or something. plus, it seems hot right now. so....

who would have guessed this venture into mainstream fashion would make me more unrecognizable than ever?
three people in one day last month.
and one, oh boy. one of them was someone i was engaged to. how awful. hadn't seen the lad in 7 years or so and then when we almost crashed into one another at the local market, my mouth involuntarily belted his name out. no hello or anything, just a shocked blurting. he looked and looked and then said my name, more of a question. then some rambling about how he didn't recognize me at all. it was odd and weird and i just kept strolling on. there wasn't a conversation either one of us wanted to have. what do you say to someone you came 10 days shy of marrying? aye me.

the worst encounters so far.
the people who let me down the most. the ones we have laughed hardest about. the folks who gave me life..... one two separate accounts they both gave a polite greeting with a dumbfounded look on their faces. my dad came back from a week of hunting with mountain man. they walked in the door and i shrieked some hallelujah only to be greeted with a dumbfounded look on this hunters face. it was his polite face, one i have seen my whole dadgum life. and me, his eldest - the recipient of it. horrified. once he realized it was me he apologized and laughed profusely. profusely. laughing at his unrecognizable child.

me madre. i pulled up next to her at the local financial institution and encouraged my children to wave energetically at their grandma. wave children wave, give your grandmother something to be proud of. she finally looked up at us and gave the polite wave, certainly not the grandma wave. finally, realizing her own flesh and blood, she broke into fits of giggles. fits and fits. thoughts of {why are my grandchildren with that woman} crossed her mind - only to be startled by the recognition of her firstborn.

where does this leave me?

going back to long and plain. growing the 80's out and bringing them back to the 09 era. unrecognizable is for a woman confident and strong. i am still in my 20's and can't pull it off. so, wish me luck in my endeavors that leave me dreaming of chia pets......

Monday, January 26, 2009

the kimchi that got away

when we lived on the east coast we were crammed into a small, typical east coast living arrangement. 4 families in a space about a decent sized house would fit one family normally. we were subject to conversations loud and small, knowing every detail of the other families schedules. we knew the italians across the hall had an autistic kid before they accepted it. a 3 year old up until 3 am running a muck, screaming and screaming, never slept thru the night and always screaming with mottled words. things falling off our walls from the disgruntled child awaiting diagnosis.

we also knew the korean family above us put their kids to bed at 9 pm and we could smell the sushi they made with spam and eggs with the occasional kimchi assaults. they were probably offended by our smells and sounds too. that was life. we adjusted, complained and cried into a friendly routine with them all.

we were subject to cultures on a daily basis. the english that came with it always kept me entertained, always. the Spaniards kitty corner didn't understand halloween, the italians didn't understand early bedtimes and the koreans didn't understand star wars. we are a weird culture.

in turn, i always had to laugh at the words they used or they way they said things, trying to understand our complex language. our favorite korean family above us would randomly insert L's for R's. just randomly. "winds of love" given name was always said properly, but the Spaniard, katarina was always katalina. it was on and off and bless their hearts. it always made me chuckle....

one year i decided to take on a regular babysitting job to help raise money for our cross country move. i did occasional babysitting for a few clients, it was vary sporadic and i liked that. it was our go out to eat money, clothes for the kids money and just play money. it was nice in a time of pinched pennies. so.... i put the word out to a few clients that i was looking for something part time and steady. i got a call from a lady that worked at the science lab and some of her friends were looking for someone 2 days a week. turned out they lived right across the way from us. i met with the mom, enyoung, and we met seoyanna the baby, it was a great fit. the dad, sangtae was great. this went on for 2 months without a hitch. then, i surprisingly got pregnant. and i started noticing a smell on this sweet little girl. it was crazy and offensive to my pregnant nose. i finally realized that they were traditional korean people consuming unearthly amounts of kimchi. it enters every part of their bodies. to a sensitive nose i was dry heaving all day. it took 2 days to recover after she was gone. that sounds awful but the last pregnancy was tough, not to mention the colitis and daily migraines. i had to end the job and felt horrible but told them i was pregnant and couldn't give her the attention she needed.

all of this culture exposure leads me to a story happening today in our little lives. hella's speech impediments are showing themselves as her words take off. apparently all the babysitting and kimchi exposure have seeped into her bones. all of a sudden "winds of love" is glayce, grandma is glandma and grandpa is proudly accepting his status of glandpa.

yesterday, hella and i were grocery shopping alone. a privilege these days with a little bud "e" in afternoon school. as i was getting her out of the car, she started pointing and whispering to me. i couldn't understand her and she kept saying it over and over. i finally stopped in the middle of the parking lot and looked at her face.

what are you saying baby?

pointing to the front of the store to a crew cut balding gentleman she whispered,"glandpa, glandpa pete mommy, glandpa pete."

really? could her little mind remember that long ago? still think about him? i had to catch my heart from wanting to believe her and run to this glandpa. then the tears started. and this is the part of mourning when your heart knows you'll see them again, but just a few minutes in the parking lot for a quick hug and kiss wouldn't hurt. it reminded me that a life lived well to others is what gets you thru this hard time. i get to let his life affect how i do things and what choices i make by the good life he led. makes me love him more.....

Sunday, January 25, 2009

{love letters from h.mac}

dear brother #4,

surprised it's is you? don't be.....

quiet, peaceful and always there. calm. really, really calm.

always happy. always dependable.

and when we lived under the same roof, that phone. i tell you, the phone always ringing for you. although i am sure it had to do with the nickname given you by a group of ladies - devin mc"fine"- i'm sure it also had to do with the fact that you are a friend to everyone. that's about the biggest compliment i can give to you brother. your friends no know bounds. you draw everyone into you and what you are and stand for.

remember when we would fast forward pee wee's big adventure to the part that large marge transformed into a crazy lady? we would say, come in, that part's over now brother. and then.......right as you walked in we would unpause the movie and you would scream and cry? i'm sorry for all 1,233,455 times we did that do you, please forgive us. that was mean, and the harry and the hendersons movie you were afraid of, (what 3 year old wouldn't be) sorry about that one too.......

i love your early morning happiness. mountain man and i were talking yesterday about how you were up and fed by 6 every morning and how one summer we thought what the heck? is there sometheing good happening we don't know about? and how that whole summer we tried beating you in getting up. well, the truth was, you got control of the remote and that was as good as $1 bill to us. too bad the inner sleep demon took over mountain man, veener and i. still has, maybe you are born a happy waker upper.......

i love you i do. i love how patient you are with my kids and how they love you. words aren't enough for this sis to let you know.

much love,


Saturday, January 24, 2009


to me....

i see many days ending in this place of mine. we just need one more for the kids. childhood wouldn't be complete without something like this scrubbing the dirt away....

Friday, January 23, 2009

the knowledge......

in his huge cranium is all i ever hear about. people looking at his large noggin always commenting,

"well, we know he's going to take after his daddy with a head like that."

"he's just storing all those "yale" brains up there, nothing to worry about."

well it is something to worry about. he has never measured on the charts for head growth. once we were assured he was not suffering hydrocephalis my mind could rest a bit easier. but i still worry, and then. i see a picture of my toddler father and know little bud "e" has been patterned after someone. right down to the right ear that is a little floppier than the left.

today, little bud "e" displayed his growing intellect to his proud parents.

"dad, mom, guess what i can say."

s.mac "what bud"

bud"e" " i learned to say yes AND NO in ENGLISH, wanna hear?"

{at this point i was sure he would insert spanish, sign language or something profound}

bud"e" "yes {nodding his head up and down} and no {nodding side to side}"

the pride was flowing over.........

Thursday, January 22, 2009

my internal indifference...

i have a friend.

his name is charles.

everyone in my surrounding area knows him. he probably knocks on their door, asks to take pictures of the tires on their car - or he will make an appointment with you to come by his house. you can't come to the door or honk your horn. no, no, you must wait. very patiently outside, up to twenty minutes, and he will come out....eventually.

your treat might entail a snack size candy bar, a pack of movie popcorn, or a melted chocolate morsel he carried in his pocket for a few days.

he might call and ask to sing you a song, ask advice for an ailing knee, ask the spelling of something or ask for a friends phone number he assumes you know. he also makes the rounds around the neighborhood asking for a cheering section at his special needs basketball games. his dreams entail a full blown crowd of women adoring his newly acquired jazz uniform.

yesterday he called me. i have to be honest and say i ignored the first call, i was up to my armpits in butternut squash and apple soup. right in the pureeing process and felt too busy. he called back a few minutes later only to have little bud "e" pick up and say in his best speech impeded voice, "mom, it's sarles". i knew i needed to attend to this call, he's been known to call up to 40 times in an hour. this one needed no neglect.

i was being huffy and here is how the conversation went:

me: hi charles

charles: hi (long pause and a giggle)

me: what can i do for you today charles?

charles: um, i went to the dentist today. and there is something i need you to do for me.

unnecessary insert-this phrase from him always scares me. one day he was out of food and needed me to bring lunch NOW, other days he needs me to drop everything and take him to the library NOW.

me: what is that charles.

charles: well, on march the 4th, i am going back to the dantit. i need your whole family to do something for me. i need you all to nal and say a pear for me.

me: what charles, what are you saying. i can't understand you very well, i am cooking and have some noise here.

charles: (chuckles) on march 4th i am going to the DENTIST and i need your whole family to KNEEL down and say a PRAYER for me. i need heavenly father to come down and be with me, right there because it might be scary. so will you put that on your calendar for me. just mark it down. i just really need him there that day.

me: yes, charles, i can do that. you'll do fine and i am glad you know who to ask for help.

then, all day i felt like a slug. the other day he was at my house. he wants something "good to drink". he won't take me telling him what's in my fridge, he needs to stand there with it open for a while and look for himself. then, he wants something good to eat. always eying my fruit. he always comes before dinner, the height of zaney"ness" at my house. likes to watch me cook. he saved me from a house fire the other day as he calmly stated that my oven was on fire. some grease from the pan had spilled and caught fire. i didn't understand him at first and then at the third try i turned in enough time to see my oven a flaming. it occurred to me that day that inside his hands full of palsy, his mind trapped, limited and always going and his crooked smile that there was a perfect spirit in the midst of it all. one day, far in the future and in another place, something deep inside me tells me we will be friends.... still. i will have to account for how i treated him here. maybe he will ask me, why were you so snippy that day, i was just trying to show you love.

ahhh. i don't know why it seems to be a pain in my side sometimes, his calls, visits, requests. should be an honor to have a kid like that in my home.

he announced yesterday it was high time i invited him to dinner. after all he watches me cook so much, he's ready to try the food he sees me cooking.

and so i told him, yes charles, you soon will get a dinner invitation to this house. and we talked about his favorite foods and what he likes to eat. then as he was leaving, he said, now do you remember what we talked about today? do you remember what you are going to do for me?

yes, i remember and probably will never forget.....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

removal on hold..

should have been a big day for us with the little toddler scheduled for the surgery and all, but...

she only started feeling better from her 11 day stint with the stomach bug monday night. they told us no way, and

we said okay.

we are on hold until they feel she is stable enough to go thru the ringer again.

i feel like we sure are paying our january dues. but on a happy note, little hella is eating and sleeping her way thru recovery like a champ. sleeping until 9:30 or 10:00 and triple breakfasts, multiple toast helpings and all of the begging for more you could think of........

Monday, January 19, 2009

holes of happiness

on again off again

off again on again

and so on and so on.

graduation was september 2006, who would have thought it would have taken longer to settle down than it did to get the masters degree?

the week before this hole was dug, my head could not see how it was going to happen. we had called it all off. there was the selling of the condo, the firing of the underwriter who kept rejecting our loan and then the angel loan officers that made us alive again. and now thru down right heavens parting and miracles, we are the proud owners of hole with cement footings. i'll keep updating progress, not really knowing when we will be done or finished. hopefully summer. it's going a lot faster than we thought with slow construction times. anyway, here's to happy holes.... and....

am i wierd to want to include these things in our home?

yes, no,

darn - you keep me up at night picturing how perfect all of this stuff would be...

meet our own nanny mcphee

she has an issue with letting go of things, to the point of ridiculousness. of the 3 teeth lost, s.mac tricked her into pulling one, the substitute teacher pulled the other and the last one fell, just dangled right out. this one? last night she said she was afraid to go to sleep because she might choke on it, so she just prayed real hard it would be there in the morning. guess what?

prayer works...

Friday, January 16, 2009

my little chef..

apparently hella thought that markers sounded good for dinner after she secured her new christmas apron.......

Thursday, January 15, 2009

when life gives you lemons....

well, not really lemons. but the stomach bug. and i mean BUG.

need not expound too much.

it all started with little hella last friday night, all thru the weekend. hoping we were over the worst of it i woke up monday with a renewed energy to be healthy and get out. hella required a bucket for 36 hours straight. there was not a lot of sleeping involved. so, when i got the call from bud "e"s preschool teacher on monday that there was an unfortunate incident involving his unwanted lunch, i cringed.

it was all down hill from there. got a call from s.mac that he had hit the floor while in the O.R. assisting on a shoulder. it hit him suddenly and he couldn't help but acquaint himself with the sterile floor. the nurses obliged him with a pillow on the floor while he came around. he attempted one more time to be the first assist only to be dismissed. i got the call from him and at that same time felt a little queasy myself. i blew it off to assisting in too much clean up. within the hour all five of us were begging and i mean begging for mercy. s.mac was just a whimpering away. my kidneys were wishing they were somewhere other than the body they were in receiving torture and lashings. my little "winds of love" was the last to fall and was in that bathroom every 20 minutes for 12 hours. needless to say we did not sleep that night.

tuesday was a big day for healing at this house. there was a lot of gatorade consumed, lots of crackers crunched and lots of bathing, bleach and hot water washing and throwing away.

for now, i am off to hydrate......

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

the root of all evil...

is in a 2 year olds mouth.

apparently it is why she has been so mad since birth, or so the dr. tells me. i took her in for her well child check up. she cries the second we pull up to the office. he has never really successfully looked in her mouth because of the screaming, screaming and kicking. but, finally.

he got a look. before that part he said, mom, how are her sleeping habits.

i hate this question.

well, in september i weened the toddler and she slept thru the night for about a month. then, she would wake up screaming, half asleep half awake. we need to touch her to get her awake and calm her down.

mom, you need to let her cry it out. this is rewarding bad sleep habits the dr said.

i smile and think, i am the mom, i'll do what i want. i know when a child is waking up for fun and when there's torture involved.

then, the fun part of mouth searching comes in.

he looks at her tonsils and says, oh my, oh man. mom we need to get her to the ENT immediately. they are dangerously big. i mean as quick as you can. she has been suffering apnea at night, not getting enough oxygen and therefore not really fully sleeping.

oh the relief. really. relief and then sadness. no sleep for 2 years, that's miserable.

so, next wednesday. hella and her super sized tonsils will part their evil ways. we just might have to rename the child. hella out the door hopefully and maybe a real nice nick name.......

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Monday, January 5, 2009

and the winner is....

Stacie said...

Sonora Grill sounds great to me also. I didn't know it was Steve B. that owns it. I'll have to try it and go say hi. Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, it was nice to finally hear how things can turn out positive!

yay stacie! email me at with your address and i will get your card in the mail! congrats.......

and thanks for entering everyone. i hope you go and give this place a try, maybe your heart will pitter patter like mine does when i drink the green salsa....