Sunday, December 20, 2009

Mrs. Citizen Take Two

i found myself rushing to wal mart the other day for a few items forgotten for yet another candy making day. i was feeling ill from all of the candy i had consumed in the week which had set off a nasty case of colitis which i became subjected to thru the last pregnancy. (a whole personal post that would make my face red after my recent blogging hiatus.)

hence a shaky mom facing the most unchristmas{y} place on the block. right as i was pulling in to the little planet in and of itself, the world of wally, there was a girl, not more than 16 with some gangly and devious looking friends. this 16 year old girl happened to be pushing a stroller and a stray toddler was tagging behind. now this scene might bear resemblance of normal for the area of town until i paint the part about them being in the middle of the road in no hurry to be safe. i stopped prematurely, trying to muster some christmas nice and let them cross. these "friends" started yelling at one another and going in all different directions. this poor little toddler started following the devious friends into the oncoming lane of traffic until her 16 year old mother grabbed her by the ponytail and dragged her across the road, by her pony tail, dragging her across the road, screaming and crying dragging her by the ponytail, an innocent toddler caught up in the mess.

chalk it up to my new found mrs. citizen self or a case of the christmas blues, but suddenly. my horn was honking at her and thru my closed door window i yelled in that scary voice, "you don't do that!!!" pointing and shaking my hand.

unfortunately this time she yelled words we learned in the ghetto of new haven. my kids were nervous about being in the same car as mrs. citizen and asked why i yelled at the lady. i engaged them in a story about how some moms don't know how to show love or kindness to their kids and are mean. i told them about the incident and how that is not how adults should ever treat children.

my face was hot as a july night in the desert and i was shaking internally with anger. kids have been on my mind as of late. at a young age i knew that i would be lucky to get one. now three miracles later, 4 seems good. i would be happy with 10. you know the drill. sometimes a mothers heart gets pulled in all directions trying to figure out how to collect her family. by now you know i take this family collection stuff seriously. with this very heavy on my mind, this situation seemed all the more saddening to me. here i am, a mother who would love to take that baby in the stroller and the toddler with a pony tail. i would take them and love them, read them stories and tickle their little arms until they fell fast asleep in a safe warm bed where their only worry was what picture to paint when they awoke.

i rushed thru that insane store gathering neatly the needed items and headed for my car. i ran into my mother confessing my mrs. citizen moment that was burning a hole in my heart. the ride home i was determined to do something with this broken heart and this frustration. i was wildly going thru possibilities that i could do that would make the hurt stop. that would make me stop thinking about a little girl who was dragged by her hair that needed a warm fire and a brimming christmas tree with love abounding. in my fury of possibilities i pretended i gathered her up in my arms and took her home with me. we opened presents on christmas morning and talked about the baby jesus.

and then for a moment i thought about the baby jesus. i have been reading from the 4 gospels the past few nights about the miracles that were recorded about this baby. about the fish and the loaves that were enough, the water that calmed, the virgin mary and the babe in the manger that descended below all to be greeted by a faithful woman, a brave joseph and awaiting animals. my thoughts then turned to another bystander that night. the literal father of the babe. i thought about how he watched the dissension below all, a precious son to be given no room at the inn. a father watching brutality and sorrow of a son who trod a lonely path. suddenly i had a place for this hole burning in my heart. i felt christmas. some years pass and we don't get the chance to feel the significance of that lowly manger. i suddenly felt the burden that baby carried as he grew to a man aware of his divine nature. i felt the sorrow and the joy. the joy that adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. the bystander, that often times i fail to recognize his significant role as a parent, felt the same way i did as he saw that toddler abused. that's why he watched that lowly dissension of his literal son. he knew the price his holy son paid would satisfy the demands of justice and somehow make it up to this toddler and her ponytail. he knows how my heart aches as we try to expand our family through earnest prayer, humble hearts and open minds. he knows. and therefore, he gives us christmas.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

mrs. citizen take 1

growing up, my dad was incredibly regulatory about what our minds inhaled from the tube. we could freely watch any public television shows but anything else required his approval. steve erkel won by a landslide. larry and balki from perfect strangers was always a grey line and full house always won him over with the special time music when the valuable lesson at the end was proclaimed.

taking all of this into consideration, he had some sons. some sons he wanted to scare into being good citizens. while most families would gather on a saturday night for a heart warming movie or a game night, our TV set would be fixed to COPS. it was the beginning of reality tv in my opinion. we would watch with incredible intensity and belt out the theme song, "bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you". we would laugh and then proceed to watch what would happen if we were ever engaged in civil disobedience. there was never a time for my parents to sit us down and give us any kind of "just say no" talks or anything of the sort, we all knew that the COPS would come for us if we engaged in any such activity.

my dad doesn't put up with garbage and definitely doesn't take the cowardly approach to being a good citizen. one time there was a woman drunk as a skunk exiting our local little caesar's with some tipsy pizzas in hand. my dad got a hold of a cop in no time pointing out the crime as we followed the apprehension all the while singing "bad boys bad boys" in the buick at the top of our lungs. he kept us updated about the DUI and i can say that none of his children have ever had a DUI.

thru the years he has earned the nickname of mr citizen. one time at the local community pool i accompanied my small siblings to the pool to lounge. i was 8 months pregnant with a ribcage condition and the water freed my pain. we went often. as i beached it in the kiddy pool the pool manager let me know my 4 and 5 year old siblings were too old for that small pool. she made us get out and go to the part that was over their heads. my dad was on the phone with her within minutes of our departure. while his complaint was filed, the woman asked who he was. he responded with, " i am mr. citizen. i am a taxpayer who lives in this community and you will not be hassling people anymore". and thus, mr. citizen was born.

call it genetics or whatever you want, but it seems his daughter is falling in line right nice.

last month i was cooking dinner and decided it was time to fetch the kids. i walked out of the house and across the street to the "fort" and told them to come and eat. as grayce followed me in, little bud "e" stayed behind for one more minute of stick finding. as i walked in the house i left the door open knowing the little fellow would be following shortly. as i found myself in the kitchen i heard two screeching wheels coming around the bend to the dead end of our street. it was a pimple faced baby practicing his racing skills with his mom's ford taurus. all of a sudden my sweet boys face came into my mind and i bolted out the door. not knowing what i was going to do all of a sudden i could smell blood. i was out for this kids throat. mrs citizen came to life and was born in the middle of the road. he raced down to the the bottom of the street, squealing on two wheels to turn around and on his way back up he found this newborn mrs citizen in the middle of his path. acting as a times square traffic cop i was waving him to slow down. he quickly snapped his brakes and rolled his window down. i had to control myself to not reach down his throat and remove his gullet with my bare hands. i yelled with a voice i didn't know existed, just like a newborn animal discovering their surroundings. i told him there were kids playing around here and to slow down. there were no vulgar words used to my own surprise. his response was pure fear and he cried out his apologies to me. he looked like a 12 year old david archuleta. he was so dumbfounded by my scolding that when i was done he sat there, not moving. i yelled at him "go!!!!!" he rolled out at negative 5 miles an hour and i am sure his mother wanted to know why her drivers seat was wet.

an hour later i got a call from the only other house on our 14 lot cul de sac. she is the farthest house down. she started by saying "you go girl". she then proceeded to tell my she heard every word of my scolding to him and her doors were all shut, as were her windows. she heard the car coming down and had the phone in her hands as she had watched my kids out playing earlier. fearing some fatality she kept the phone close as she watched this unfold. once she got to a window she could see there weren't any kids in the road but as she watched her enraged neighbor stand in the middle of the street to a speeding car she said she kept it ready to call 911,ready for mrs. citizens short lived life. i counted how many houses on the other side of the street are between us, 8. she heard me that far away.

it is amazing what you pull out of the hat when you are called mom. protection skills of a grizzly come out of a lady wearing a flowery apron.

anyone there....

as of today, december 19, we now have internet at the house.

merry christmas

thrilling. and horrifying.

i have been without internet for 5 months. only mandatory sessions at my mom's to clear my email account. like feeling important does include hearing aol tell you about your email and seeing 253 new messages. i have only skimmed the past few months and all of this seems like a new language to me. being absent from this bloggosphere for a bit has made me a real gal completely taking the cyber gal from me.

i can't imagine that people read my blog to find out what i am doing and enjoy it. it is a funny thing the www. i keep thinking really, there is a world where people want to see what i did over the weekend and see pictures and i in return will want to read about theirs? stunning. and then i think, glory be, i have shown a picture of my bathroom over this vast black hole, kind of horrifying with this long absence. it has made me red in the face thinking that i have shared personal stuff in to the black hole for anyone to see. and now, i know how my grandmother feels when i tell her about blogging.

my self proclaimed writer self will come back. i do have some great stories to tell. i turned into mrs. citizen this past fall which included 2 stories about my screaming self to bystanders. me? really? it will come out....