hellarama

my darling 3 year old has given me some wonderful stories to tell lately, and i do love telling a great animated story. really, i don't love living thru them, but retelling them seems therapeutic to me.

ella has a routine in the mornings lately. she has been sleeping in until about 9 everyday. i attribute this to my neglectful parenting skills that have fallen off the face of the planet. with the older two 6:45 came around and they were bathed, fed and jammied up for the night dozing off by 7. now easton, he is in bed at 8:30 and to sleep at 8:31, that's how he rolls. the girls share a room and although in bed at 8:30 share giggle fits and songs for a while. see, parenting skills off the face of the planet. i let them. they have so much fun but it does necessitate a sleeping 3 year old in the morning. now because of the aforementioned activities, it is usually a hella greeting in the morning. she comes to the top of the stairs and yells, "don't say good morning ella, you can say hello ella when i get to the bottom of the stairs." i calmly agree. she scoots on her hind quarters down the stairs as she is sporting a bladder like a 100 year old savings account. at the bottom of the stairs i greet her saying hello ella. she then yells that she does not need to go pee. i then disagree and pick her up and put her on the toilet. she screams and cries and little dribbles come out during the spurts of emotion until it is all out. i pick her back up and she gives her specific orders for breakfast. peanut butter toast with the CRUST CUT OFF, cereal and milk.

the other day we found ourselves the recipients of some left over apple juice from a church function. the man brought it home thinking he was doing me a favor. it entirely switched the breakfast orders once that hella knew it was on the premises. instead of the usual milk she was demanding juice. i gave her two small glasses and at the third request i politely declined and offered milk or water (the usual choices at our house). for ten minutes she refused with a loud voice and many tears. i have learned thru the years that she has anger that sometimes needs to get out. my coddling and talking only prolong the anger and aggravate the situation. so for ten minutes i let her ball up her fists and let this pent up frustration flow out and up. i then went over and reiterated my offer of milk or water. she again refused and started screaming, "if you don't give me more apple juice, i will, will ........ EAT YOU!" i then explained that i am a rather large woman and i would be very heavy to carry around for her whole life. she would only be able to sit and so on and so on. after listening to my protesting she balled those fists up and screamed "for my whole life, arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" after 5 minutes of lamenting she accepted some milk and the day started.

when realizing we would be adding another one into the mix, i realized 4 years would separate my ella and this baby. i reveal to you that ella has needed everyone of those 4 years without interruption. it is who she is. it is getting better as crazy as those stories are.

while talk swirls of a new baby and what things we will get to do with a new baby, ella asked the other day if when the new baby comes she could be the recipient of new underpants. i concurred that this would be fine adding that usually big sisters request a new baby doll of their own. she declined saying she wants the baby to know she is a big girl. so underpants it is. although her train of thought has been turned to undies lately. the other day we were laying in an afternoon quiet time in my bed talking about who she looked like. i revealed to her that her grandma janet had those same chubby cheeks and their baby and toddler pictures are very similar. she then asked if grandma got wedgies when she was her age. she insisted on calling grandma that very instant to ask her if wedgies were indeed present when she was growing up. grandma confirmed and ella was thrilled. maybe all this underpants talk is trying to tell me that cute squishy bottom has outgrown her princess under attire.

just a thought.....

talent

well, you know we are full of the stuff at this house. i mean, last year for the second grade talent show, grayce wrote a song in duck and then sang it. her teacher asked for the interpretation and she sang the most beautiful song in wonderful pitch about ducks. she has the most fantastical duck sound and it only makes sense that you would write a song in duck at age 7. well this year we find ourselves with yet another talent show upon us.

we decided that waiting until the sixth grade to do something like THIS would be more appropriate. i mean, we wouldn't want to up greyson at age 12. (seriously this is amazing)

yearly our little church organization hosts a talent show for the kids ages 3-11. this year i had 3 participants.

hella did: splits, stood on one foot, and skipped.
easton: handstand
grayce:played a musical harp her grandma gave her. (grandpa alan thought it would be funny to play around with the strings on christmas morning and untuned the whole thing. so we all knew she was playing "up on the housetop" in our hearts and had to plug our ears thru the off ness of the whole thing)

among other things at this talent show were a toddler throwing his stuffed animal into the air and magically catching it. running around the gymnasium at top speed. a rap. a dancer. and so on and so forth. it is the best show of the year.

keeping the latter show in mind i have let up on my dignity as the proud parent at these arenas and let my beloveds choose for themselves what their talents are. grayce wanted to sing bon jovi's living on a prayer this year. she has a great voice but the logistics of finding music without words and having a room full of other 3 graders appreciate the whole thing is on an entirely different level. last year she wanted to sing "you spin right round baby right round" and wondered if her conservative grandmother could find the sheet music to that and accompany her on the piano. now before you judge me please know that auntie paige and uncle kyle are in the prime of the teenage years at 14 and 15 and this song seeped in thru their influence. i don't listen to spin me right round baby right round. after i heard the spinning right round baby lyrics i quickly encouraged her to explore a different avenue finding ourselves at the duck song.

so this year.....

she will lip sync to bon jovi's "living on a prayer" or is it "loving on a prayer", i'm so 15 years ago, i don't know? now she will lip sync with her chin appearing as the face. you know where your mouth is upside down and all. what? you never did that with friends growing up? shame on you. do it tonight. pretend your chin is a little head and laugh yourself silly over your silly looking teeth when you talk upside down so to speak. we will draw a little face on her chin and all. now this is my idea, and after asking and calling multiple friends to join in on the task, she still stands alone in this quest for a talent show partner. maybe this will be awful. who knows, but i do know that she is grayce. she can pull anything off, it just comes naturally.

might i tell you what happened a couple of weeks ago when she saw jon bon jovi sing live? she didn't know that grandpas could sing like that and she was horrified. i told her he was her grandparents age and she was quite sure there should be a limit on who can sing songs like "living on a prayer" because she was devastated! i giggled into oblivion.

i will be sure to give a full report about the whole chin lip sync. stay tuned.

P.S. uncle kyle and auntie paige called within minutes of this post denying any wrong doing. an interview was held and it was determined the love of spinning right round baby was discovered at a friends house......

our simple life

i was contemplating the other day as i repeated the phrase over and over, "so and so is welcome to come over and play, we are home all evening." we are home a lot. the red head has his fair share of meetings and other various duties, but more often than not, home we be.

i love dinner at 5:30 in the dining room. the formal dining room is one of our most used rooms. just off the kitchen and the first room off our entry. homework, art, craft, dinner, paper reading. we were originally planning to use that space as a office, but since neither myself or the man is very fond of electronics or paper work, we decided that it was best served as a formal dining. now there is nary a decoration in that room, but time is on my side. i figure one of these days my nesting will kick in and suddenly my empty house will suddenly sport decor. he he he. we just barely had blinds put up, after all, we are surrounded by alfalfa and horses, we weren't too worried about anything peeping on us. a couple of nights i have submerged myself into the gilmore's seasons 1-4 (because it is garbage after that)late into the night and i see the deer peer thru the window or the neighborhood jack rabbit hop along. i love love love our lot. the views are unmatched and maybe that is why i have no hurry to gussy up the inside.

one thing i have discovered is that i am going to have to work really hard to make this place "cozy". if i had it to do over again, down size i would. i don't think we went overboard with square footage and our payment meets dave ramsey's guidelines, but. maybe it is the fact that we have only ever known cozy surroundings and already i have plans for a downsized home in ten years. the red head will only comply if the house is paid off, so i am working hard at that! we never ever use our bonus room over the garage that everyone told us was absolutely necessary to the salvation of parents! ever. our kids have never had the luxury of separate bedrooms (although the gals share) and i think that is enough for them and their play spaces. we are congregaters of the family room and bedrooms for play. so all the heartburn about getting that extra toy room done, bleh. i would probably have been happy with half our house and the unfinished basement will probably always stay that way. the honest truth comes out in the fact that i hate cleaning that much. boo. we had a master bathroom and a kids bathroom put upstairs and a small half on the main. i love that half bath, but the kids bath never gets used. so silly i know. we got used to making due with what we had for so long that now it is how we live. oddities living in this house you know.

one day i will pepper this blog with pictures of decor and perfect paint color in every room, but as that has yet to happen, don't hold your breath until it does!

fertile pastures

i have been captivated by this national infertility awareness month something or other that has all the bloggers a buzz. once, i found a site that celebrated silly things and sent out cards to your friends for you. say for instance you found it necessary to celebrate ohio's cow patty month. well, this handy little site sent out fun cow patty cards to all your loved ones marking the date. okay, so my tongue is in my cheek for a minute here. seems a little cruel to bring awareness to someone infertile, right?

i have refrained from writing anything too deep lately because my hormonal condition would lead one to believe i am bi polar and loony. oh, wait....... seriously. there are times i want to yell to the world, did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast? and then in the next hour i am crying at some beautiful complexity my mind has been opened too. i have been miserable this time around. week fifteen and i am waiting for a light to shine. it will come i know. sundays are a mess for me, i can't stop crying one week and the next i think my ward is ready to apostatize because there was absolutely no spirituality in the building. bipolar. my poor husband. poor poor red head. i say mean things and i really mean them, i don't feel bad about being critical about his chewing, breathing, smells, grass laying. nothin. i hope we make it out in tact. most days my tongue is bloody from biting so hard. so there you have it, the update.

so, infertility.

you know the drill. age 16 the open me up, find the dreaded beginnings of endometriosis. take it out and tell me that i might want to think about a teen pregnancy;). my doctor really said that and i love him for it. i was thrown on every experimental and aggressive drug out there to hold me at bay until i found love and needed babies. we all crossed our fingers for years. grayce was a snap, i felt the burning desire and boom. there she was. little easton. well. we lamented, tried fertility drugs and fretted and stewed. i had had another surgery to cut out the gunk and try to get just one more here. just one more and i would be good. i was so into getting a baby here and doing it before time was up that i lost myself. i thought i was in control or something. finally, a positive test. whew. we did it, i kept thinking. when easton was 2 weeks old and i still couldn't walk (his head did me in) i got a call from someone telling me of a baby that needed adopting. would we? well, i'll be honest. at that point i realized i was just plain overwhelmed. mother to 2 will knock you upside the head a couple times and then spit you back out, especially when you are going at it alone. (aah, the schooling years) no way could we adopt a baby. i put the brakes on for a couple of years. i knew my sanity was at risk here.

a few days after that phone call one of my lovely friends stopped by bearing gifts and food to welcome the 9 pound head i delivered. she told me they had been trying for a year and knew there was a little one waiting. i tried to tell her all the things that could be wrong with her and what she needed to do. what medications to take, what sticks to buy, where to go....... she very calmly replied that she knew this baby would come on heavenly fathers time.

what???

three years later, we caught up. still no baby. and she. still knew it was the lord's time, not hers. she had not one ounce of sadness. six years separate her baby girl and her next one. that baby came. and can you believe she loved every time she bowed to the porcelain god with a happy heart? i wish she knew how deep her faith has penetrated my heart. it's no secret it took us a bit to get this one here. i always fell back to her example, always. there was no rush on my part, no doubt this time. i have been feeling this little spirit since i was pregnant with ella. i knew this one was ours to have. i wish there was some magic way to impart to you what my mind has been opened to these past months. some way to tell you how my heart has grown everyday as i lay on the couch in physical peril contemplating faith. it is so personal and i am so incredibly glad this is my road to travel.

i am surrounded by good women in their thirties. can i just say entering the third decade of life does wonders for a woman and the surrounding friends. this thing called maturity really is under rated. i see myself in all the twenty something mom's scurrying around comparing strollers, fertility drugs, adoption routes and so on. such a hurry. and then there's kellie.we've been best friends since we were 12. there's a family relation involved to the tune that my uncle married her aunt and that has always sealed the deal for us. no way to fall out of contact. when we were 12 she was diagnosed with lupus. serious, chemotherapy for 8 years, lupus. when kellie gets sick, we all hold our breath and pray really hard. despite her incredible health challenge she has successfully completed a nursing degree and mothers the most beautiful boy. he and ella are five days apart and we both consider it a gift that we got to share motherhood simultaneously with such stark differences. a pregnancy to kellie would literally be life threatening. her lupus has invaded her skin, muscles and organs, primarily affecting her kidneys. she has always accepted her road to motherhood would be paved with someone else's sacrifice. she never rushed it, never laments and has never complained. ever. i wish i could tell you that in some deep conversation she has confided in me that her situation depresses her and she can't take one more step. but never. when i ask her what the hardest part about her situation is she responds by telling me that attending the adoption classes and seeing how bitter other couples are about their lot in having to be there. don't they understand this is their road to travel? that these babies are meant to come to them this way? this is how their family is to be gathered, be it one or six.

this kind of thinking is what my mind has been opened to these past few months as i have contemplated being the bearer of 4 babies. me, 4 babies. it's because this was my road to travel, mine. if mine had been the road of adoption or other means to motherhood, it would be just for me. maybe it is my deep belief that stems from a loving heavenly father aware of us. but kellie and mindy. they know all about their road and they have maturity and peace about it. i feel a heart full of gratitude to know ladies of this caliber. sounds trite but reaffirms that someone bigger knew i would need some patience in confirming my road to travel. because you see, this road of mine has been wonderful. my knees have been bent a lot these past few months wanting to understand what all this physical pain can help to teach me. i wish there were words enough to share. never ever have i been so grateful for this pregnancy induced colitis, as much as i curse it. it has humbled me to my core as i partake and travel.

so travel your road with maturity, patience and peace, bending your knees often because it's all yours, and the giver? he's one merciful heavenly father.......

over heard

tonight i was rocking in my chair listening to the sounds of my house. bed time.

the best part of being a parent is when you can let go and play. pretend to be someone else with your kids.

tonight scott channeled his inner gangsta and was affectionately known to the children as "sca dawg". they were pretending to have a flat screen tv (our poor kids, we live in the dark ages), i touches, and watch a game on tv. he was throwing out verbage like fashizzle, skiz. he was abbreviating, nicknaming and the kids were eating is up like fresh berries in milk. hesitantly at first, not recognizing this new found character. he doesn't let down like that very often, he is pretty straight laced you know. i have asian days where i will play polly pockets as ann wong. or some days i come as billy brittish. it's silly i know. tell me we're not alone.

growing up my dad was quite animated with his characters. one time he came as geneveive the babysitter. he had cat eye glasses that had the glass gone with crystal gale's eyes put in eye slots.
we weren't quite sure what to think. nor were my younger siblings when he came as lily for a tea party. he dressed up in a lovely house dress with a nappy wig and had tea parties galore when they were babes. they were mesmerized with "looly" as they referred to "her".

it's important to be silly with your kids. really important to remember what being a kid is like. jumping into their world. i think i was 5 when geneveive came to babysit, and my younger siblings still talk about lily. it leaves a mark.

as i was listening to "sca dawg" tonight playing with the kids, talking like he was a remote controlling, sports watching fanatic, the thought crossed my mind that i should go join them and make up a gangster name for myself like "h mac nugget" or something fashizzle (that means cool). but then the overwhelming feeling came that i should try to somehow record this in my memory. it's all i will have of it, the memory. listening to how easton pretended weber state was winning the game they were watching on the "flat screen", or how ella was busy making, making, making for them. snacks, drinks, nachos.

so glad for these silly memories. so glad they are mine.

signing off for now,
yours,

ann wong

a memorable conversation

mountain man brother of mine called me last night to inform me of the message my grayce left on his phone.

"cam, this is grayce. my mom is pregnant. they just told us today and apparently she has known about it for 11 weeks! i think my dad was in on it too because when they told us, he had the video camera going."

we gathered them round with a lovely golden egg containing one beautiful ultra sound picture. we told them it was an egg the easter bunny forgot (we do our hunt on saturday). they opened the egg and grayce asked with a very eight year old voice why on earth we would put an ultra sound picture of one of them in an egg. scotty told them to look at the date on the picture. it read 3/16/2010. she loudly declared:" the third month, the sixteenth day 2010, YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

i was very impressed with her excitement as well as her ability to recite the day!

info. 10/24/10
sick as a dog and know it is worth every second ;)
we are incredibly happy, and weepy. this is very anticipated good news.

firstborn

the first born is always, always that "one". however their little spirit comes out, it is your first, your guideline, your "normal". the redhead and i are both the first born in our families, so our little hearts go out to our beautiful daughter. the world revolved around her for 2 years and 4 months. the one time i got upset with her before easton was born was a cold camping trip that she insisted on getting up before the sun and before firewood could be fetched for a fire. it is one of those moments that i relive and regret often. i was so sick and pregnant with easton and it was so cold. i confess that my austrailan blood filled it's hell and damn quota before the sun rose. such shame. when your heart expands to love another little person, often times it comes with a price and cost of patience for the one before.

we are going thru change with grayce like the lion and lamb reference to march. except, i never know which day will be what. some days a lamb and i can tolerate her 8 year old antics and not roll my eyes, other days, well. i am scared stupid for the teenage years. where's my magic wand that shrinks and brings back my baby? really. it is not fair. she has a crush on a boy all of the time. what does that say about our parenting? really? she tells everyone she knows that she has a crush on this mop headed ruffian. i bite my tongue, encourage reading with a fresh supply of new books monthly, encourage her to play with the neglected guinea pig, i sic ella on her to play dolls. she is changing and reminds me daily that she is a "mature young adult"as she puts it. before long, womanhood will be descending upon that sweet body and my tears will stain my pillow for the trail of childhood she is leaving in her wake of mature young adulthood. there's the lion.

my lamb days with her include tales of playground rhetoric, the classroom guinea pigs she spoils into oblivion, her discovery of judy bloom, her packing of "a light in the attic" by shel sivlerstein everywhere she has 5 minutes to read, brushing her long locks every morning asking what she wants me to create with them, her love of choir that beckons her out of bed at 6:50 am 2 days a week. those are my lambs. her love of american idol and her dreams that are laced with a victory in her name. there is always something to hold on to. there is also always something to be worked on. at the end of every day at my review of days activities on bended knee, some heaviness hangs around my heart wondering how i could have done better.

last weekend i was ready for a cup to be filled with some inspiration, some reading bliss. i wanted reality, not escape. i wandered down to the local mormon discount store and stumbled upon the book "the mother in me". it is a compilation of essays that the writers and contributors at seagullah had compiled. it was at the very back on a severely discounted table and to that i thought, oh darn, what a great idea. obviously it wasn't good if it is already appearing on the discount isle at the already discounted shop. at $4.99 something told me to take a risk. i holed myself up in my bedroom and dove in. two hours later i was basking in a fulfilling feeling. i felt so refreshed and so inspired. many of the essays touched me, but one in particular has lingered and wrapped itself around my heart with its truthfulness.

it was one talking about the ups and downs of toddler hood. the hopes and dreams a parent holds for a child. the responsibility that can often times become burdensome and tiring with the expectation of ones self. in her murky self criticism the thought very clearly occurred to her that a father in heaven also claims that divine responsibility of parenthood. she contemplated his role and his amazing ability to not take on any of our imperfections when we fail as his children. he stays the same, constant thru our error and our faults. he doesn't demote himself because of our frailties or bad decisions but remains still and constant thru them. the essay is incredibly beautiful and i can whole heartedly recommend the book. it was so profound for me as an imperfect mother that often times finds sadness at the end of the day because of how i responded to my kids and took their missing library book as my neglect or fault. she also cited the fact that our father in heaven knew these babies wouldn't be coming to perfect homes, he knew that they would be immersed in imperfection but counting on us to show these spirits firsthand how the atonement works.

it's been in my heart, those thoughts. it's helping me to be the kind of mom that doesn't feel bad for grayce because she is the firstborn. it left me feeling hopeful that she is seeing the full spectrum of human emotion and imperfection and that at the end of the day and the beginning of the week, i kneel and i attend so that i can more fully understand that garden and how a father in heaven beckons with love.

cool

my mom pointed this one out to me a couple of months ago and i have subsequently seen it pop up many times since. this is one of my very favorite messages. it touches every single heart string i have. enjoy, and grab a tissue. i am usually a puddle on the the floor by the messages end.

click here

free

guinea pig. the last watering and feeding of our bella was missed yesterday. in keeping in line with the parenting with love and logic concepts, this yellow lover of oranges is yours if you'd like.

poor grayce lou. has to learn sometime, right?

free food, cage, house cover, transporter, water bottle,cage liner, ball dealio, and even some oranges.

yellow fur, name is bella, squeaks when she eats, once a week cage cleaning required. little kids get a kick out of her, she is a runner and darter in her cage. oh, and the "she" business. that cannot be confirmed or denied. i just might not suggest mixing with another one unless you were hip on babies.

holler. scott4heidi@aol.com

nowhere else

yesterday was this large conference i talked about in my last post. it is kind of the rage in utah. conferences put on by professionals for women. just for her. they have classes on every kind of female interest one can think of. our local stake adopted this concept and planned a large spiritual gathering for 300+ women. we had marriage therapists lined up, scholars in scripture, mothers sharing parenting and grand parenting ideas, food prep instruction, how to keep our homes protected from the world and so on. the final speaker came with marvelous accolades to her name. hers is the job of inspiring women to find out what their talents are, discover the talent that could take them places. she was all fired up, this quiet group of ladies before her. i live in a modest, quiet area. it is hard to crack jokes and get responses i have noticed when i congregate with these stalwart people. i think she had to adjust her presentation for a stone faced, reverent crowd. because my attendance was necessary to place all of the flowers, i attended, trying to select speakers that would fill my inspiration cup.

i was ready to come home with lists of things to change, new ways of loving and doing things, a spring makeover so to say.

it was during the grand finale speaker whose job was to motivate that i had to fill out a survey reflecting my contentedness with life. i filled out my work sheet and looked at my answers. my friends were looking around at each others scores and comparing notes. i had this moment where the speaker was asking women what their wildest dreams were, what their deepest desires were. i heard answers of wildlife photographers, home builders and so on. nothing yesterday resonated with me. nothing was put to paper on my list of things to improve. this motivational speaker only talked to me, didn't really touch me.

when i came home and was discussing my predicament with my handsome redhead, he was glad i didn't have a list of fix it's for our marriage and parenting skills. one woman that i know that was at the conference commented to me how glad she was that she was past my phase of life and gave me her deepest condolences. i confidently told her that i loved every minute of my life and wouldn't fast forward for anything. my answer to her summed up my feelings as of late.

this main event speaker also asked us to remember when we were little girls and the world was ours, what was it we wanted to do? doctors, teachers, broadway singers.

i played dolls, kitchen, and teacher. i was always the teacher helping with homework or reading to kids. i concurred that i am doing exactly what my little girls heart desired. i am fulfilling every dream i ever could have come up with for myself. and somehow i think that little girl would smile if she could have looked ahead to see the life i live.

by no means am i claiming perfection of self in any way. but i am saying that i know where to find the inspiration needed to move forward as a mother. i know where all of my parenting skills receive refinement and inspiration. i know where my devotion to my husband comes from. i know where my self help is found.

it's found in a garden.
it's found at the empty tomb.
it's found on the raging sea that was calmed.
it's found in the stable with lowly means and humble parents.
it's found with the thought of my mediator and advocate before a loving father.

it's all found in love.

(and in case you are wondering i am home with a sore throat{ed} little fella, missing my worship services, so it feels appropriate to say.............)

AMEN.

the flower voices

a month or so ago a kind woman in my house of worship approached me. she was soliciting help for a large women's conference for the area. she was asking my help for the decor. now, i might be into architecture like there's no tomorrow, but my house sits empty waiting for the right furniture and just the right wall decor. i readily accepted the assignment because i was in my house of worship which usually puts one in a very nice mood. when i got home i wondered what i had done. those who know me know that i don't do crafty or cute{sie}. i don't have bows anywhere in my house and i don't usually participate in anything involving toll paints. it just isn't me. i am not an accessory woman. i have a few prized broaches, a wedding band and a good pair of sterling earrings but fluffy isn't my thing. i admire a mother who accessorizes herself and her children, don't get me wrong. i have many an accessorizing family members and friends. cute matching bow headed children that i look at admiringly. my disdain only comes from the fact that accessories overwhelm me. really, really overwhelm me. bows and flowers for girls hair laying around my house make me so nervous. i am a strong believer in a good hair cut and a very nice polished look for your hair, and we do have an occasional head band laying around that occasionally makes it on some one's head. all of this said, i am a simpleton in the area of decor and accessories simply because my brain doesn't work that way.

now, being a good mormon woman one is put into the position to decorate a church gym once in a while. your turn will inevitably come. i just thought my confidence in the kitchen would take me places that would altogether avoid the gym decor, but no. not only was i shocked, but all i told also had a gaping jaw. well, forgetting about the frugality of mormons, i envisioned carnations by the truckload with the stems cut off sitting beautifully adorning tables in all white with limes mixed in on a beautiful table runner. that is my idea of simpleton decor. when i sat thru our first meeting i was to find that my budget was consistent with mormon values, putting all of the money on the food, we sure know how to eat. so with a zero budget and 44 tables to decorate with a spanish theme, my mind was ringing tacky. tacky, tacky, tacky.

do you have voices in your head that lead you to crazy decisions? combine that with my problem of passion and focus and i had myself making 1000 paper flowers. 1000, 1000, 1000. it couldn't be less. the voices drove me to do it. by the end i had multiple friends involved cutting, fluffing and consoling in behalf of the 1000 paper flower voices. i am proud to announce that i am now the owner of 1000 paper flowers. they adorned the gymnasium today and i was shocked at the buzz. this non decorator lady entered the world of mormon crafting at its finest. i was asked when my class could be attended.(i might be coming to your next homemaking ;)) i have dates booked out of other women needing these lovelies. all the flowers caused quite a female stir. every mormon stereo type ensued. so now i gladly join the ranks of the mormon crafting mother with my 1000 mexican paper flowers. (and a great case of carpel tunnel from all of the cutting)

a deep thanks to all of my best{ies} who helped make the voices quiet in my head......but mostly the redhead, who did as many as i did. and while we didn't watch the olympics, we listened, focusing all of our eye power on the flowers.......i love you scotty!

he he he

an apology of sorts for the last post. i have had many a friends thinking it might have been an announcement on my part. so sorry to disappoint. we are in the business of expanding the family but it seems we get to play the waiting game for a bit here. sorry for the alarm!

i was just referring to the fact that all of the contributors on our food blog have had at least one pregnancy each, some two since we started it! it's no wonder we go a bit in between posts. not to mention, most of the gals have husbands in residency, law school or big gun jobs!

but here's to regular posting at our table!

a miracle of sorts

but we have started posting again at our food blog. click here

and to our credit, there have been many, many babies born since our haitus. there are seven of us lovelies in fertile condition involved here. be patient ;)

my birthday wishes

happy happy birthday to my favorite red headed husband. i thought it especially sweet that he sent his mother flowers today with the card reading "thanks for giving birth to me 31 years ago."

really, really sweet.

white subway tile for sale

when we took on this house building project there were certain absolutes.

subway tile was one of them. it was outrageuosly priced in my local area so i took to the www.

i was pleased to find a great price if we bought 1440 sq feet. it was cheaper that paying full price around town (not to mention it was back ordered for 5 months around town) but i only needed 350 sq feet.

so we find ourselves with incredible amounts of leftovers but it was worth saving money.

so here is our ad (click here). if you are interested in buying some subway tile, we are here for you ;)

here are some pictures of how i obsessively used it also.

wedded bliss in beer and cheese country

the red head had wonderful classmates back east. i was worried for the poor lad that he might not have any friends. i mean, hello, 25 year old kid with a wife AND TWO toddlers in tow. awkward. His class was full of ambitious young (mostly single kids).

i was ever wrong. being that the red head's specialty is nice, he was very happy with his circle of friends. a couple in particular. j, rough, raised in the bronx and italian irish. here in the rockies we don't refer to our roots like they do in NYC. it is serious business. i knew j was italian the minute i met him, just as i am sure he knew i was a mormon without horns. it wasn't the kisses on the cheek that gave him away or the thick accent, but his look, i just knew.

j , scott and rox, another classmate, were study buddies. thru the year my red headed husband could tell there was some love in the air although they might not have admitted it for almost 2 years. we were thrilled to find out these two were getting married and that we were invited.

they made our utah love story seem silly. j took rox to italy to propose, they planned this wedding for a year and a half and i am telling you, it was an event not to be forgotten. j called me a year before the wedding and told me that it was a wedding or a condo in brooklyn, they chose a lavish wedding. i don't think i will ever see anything like it ever again. it was phenomenal.

it started out very early in the morning {3am} to leave for the airport for milwaukee.
as the red head was loading our luggage onto the shuttle bus at the airport i noticed out of the corner of my eye a large but fully clothed in white bum cheek staring at me. i started laughing and told the red head that was real funny wearing ripped up pants to travel in. his whole countenance turned bright red and he realized in our early morning departure he grabbed from the work pants pile instead of the nice regular pile. he informed me that it was the only pair he brought. like a hormonal jr high girl, he had to wear his sweater around his waist for a full day of travel.

once we checked into our hotel, he quickly requested a sewing kit to nip this in the bud, literally. so here you have it, not only can he sew spines, brains and humans, but tada - our family seamstress! after we settled into our very sleek and modern hotel, we took to touring the city on foot. the city was cold and rainy. i felt bad that their autumn wedding turned into a cold weekend. for all of their planning, sad.
the tent was called into action with all of the rain coming down. the ceremony was held at a local nature center overlooking lake michigan.



that dress. one word. kleinfeld's. yes, that's right.
this cake was a top a lovely round of a tree. it was all very autumnal themed.


the reception was held at the grain exchange. when folks walked up from the cocktail hour to the reception, there were audible gasps. a comparison of the grandeur of this building is comparable to grand central station. it was so glorious.
these two here, they know how to hold a party. i mean. when they were announced into the reception, each wedding party couple had a great dance to accompany the long walk down the stairs to the dance floor. when jason and rox took the floor, they were accompanied by a band of bagpipers to which they danced and jigged for four songs. i cried. it was electric.
it was a lovely weekend. and yes, rox is about 90 lbs. and five foot nothin.

let the countdown begin....

i was thrilled for this option here.

since it seems my holiday 5 {lbs that is} haven't gotten me too down, i think we will make good on this lovely offer.

hanamura

friday nights are happiest at our house when a date night with myself and the redhead is achieved. his work schedule allows for it and plus, it was a religion at my house growing up. EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.PERIOD.

last night i was feeling asian. which at one time i swore once wasabi was consumed it got in my blood and wouldn't leave. but recently we did find a family relation in the area and he happens to be asian. it explained the mysterious tale of my moon eyes and how on our wedding day my red head might have thought his bride turned asian. ( i was smiley that day) i love asian food, especially in the winter time. the trick to a good asian place is lots of fresh vegetables, fresh- no grease. there are a few local places that we have had obsessions with thru the years. windy's is an old favorite. but the problem with it is that it is just that. old. we took my family there once and they were horrified by the old smells and need for remodel. it is a very hot place usually requiring a wait and we haven't been able to go back since the parentals sited this ghastly problem. plus, it can get heavy and greasy.

a couple of weeks ago our friend who i will classify as meat and potatoes told us a funny story about her bosses taking her to a lunch to celebrate her long career with their bank. they took her to a cool little japanese place and ordered edamamae. looked like snow peas to her, so she daintily shoved the whole thing in her mouth chewing endlessly on the tough skin. she had to spit it out after her bosses were bright red and choking from laughter. that was our only recommendation for the place so we decided to give it a whirl last night.

this is why you should all be running to hanamura.

it is right behind the macey's on 36th in the town of O for all you locales.

it was clean, fresh, bright and incredibly inviting. it is family run which makes my heart leap. there are good things going to happen when mom and dad are cooking in the back. it was not stuffy. last month i tried the new TONA, also in our little town, with no desire to go back. too salty, too stuffy and apparently only the raw sushi is fab. the redhead frequents there often with his MD and they gorge on exotic rolls. if this is your thing, tona offers a very wide range of flavor for sushi, but in my opinion not for anything else.

as we were seated we noticed the loyal patrons eating. all knew this cute waitresses life and her parents. the prices were a bit high (17.50 for the delux dinner)so i was planning on being disappointed. i decided to go with the gyoza dinner. you can always tell the quality of a japanese restaurant by the gyoza in my opinion. if there are signs of vegetables united with the ground meat you can be sure it is fresh and not some rubbery mystery meat stuffed inside. and boiled. a good gyoza is gently fried on the outside with a bit of crunch when consumed. we were started with miso soup. i appreciated the light colored bowls that allowed me to see that it was a nice creamy color. one indicator to me of a good fresh restaurant is how their foods are cut. big sloppily cut food usually means a bummy don't care about it kid is on prep duty. the tofu in the soup was daintily and very finely cut.

next the appetizer plate was brought out which was included with the meal. it was brought out by the sweet mother that was so cheery and happy that we were eating her food. it was an incredible array of things which I REALLY LOVED. salad, an amazing prawn that was grilled in the shell, i am assuming brined and served cold, it was amazing. also, asian short ribs on bib lettuce and a plethora of amazing bites. i loved the array. i did not grow up or live anywhere in asia. therefore, my buds are always willing to expand and taste more. it was a great way to taste a great variety of things, it was killer.

our main dish was then brought out. it was beautiful. served with a crab salad sushi roll, gyoza, beautiful tempura on a skewer, and salad with the perfect ginger dressing.

i ate every last crumb. the portions were well thought out and were in no way overwhelming. i left with my appetite so incredibly satisfied i can't stop smiling about it. i talked about it all morning with my red head and now, i share with you. i know this might turn you on to my crazy food passion, but i do like to discuss food, analyze and critique. i can't help it. today i was in charge of a funeral dinner and i think there were some eyes in the kitchen helping that were opened to my silly food passions that lead to intense conversations. i am serious about my food folks!

funny face

i do love the show, audrey is brilliant, beautiful and so strong. but these qualify as a funny face also.


thanks ash!

Mrs. Citizen Take Two

i found myself rushing to wal mart the other day for a few items forgotten for yet another candy making day. i was feeling ill from all of the candy i had consumed in the week which had set off a nasty case of colitis which i became subjected to thru the last pregnancy. (a whole personal post that would make my face red after my recent blogging hiatus.)

hence a shaky mom facing the most unchristmas{y} place on the block. right as i was pulling in to the little planet in and of itself, the world of wally, there was a girl, not more than 16 with some gangly and devious looking friends. this 16 year old girl happened to be pushing a stroller and a stray toddler was tagging behind. now this scene might bear resemblance of normal for the area of town until i paint the part about them being in the middle of the road in no hurry to be safe. i stopped prematurely, trying to muster some christmas nice and let them cross. these "friends" started yelling at one another and going in all different directions. this poor little toddler started following the devious friends into the oncoming lane of traffic until her 16 year old mother grabbed her by the ponytail and dragged her across the road, by her pony tail, dragging her across the road, screaming and crying dragging her by the ponytail, an innocent toddler caught up in the mess.

chalk it up to my new found mrs. citizen self or a case of the christmas blues, but suddenly. my horn was honking at her and thru my closed door window i yelled in that scary voice, "you don't do that!!!" pointing and shaking my hand.

unfortunately this time she yelled words we learned in the ghetto of new haven. my kids were nervous about being in the same car as mrs. citizen and asked why i yelled at the lady. i engaged them in a story about how some moms don't know how to show love or kindness to their kids and are mean. i told them about the incident and how that is not how adults should ever treat children.

my face was hot as a july night in the desert and i was shaking internally with anger. kids have been on my mind as of late. at a young age i knew that i would be lucky to get one. now three miracles later, 4 seems good. i would be happy with 10. you know the drill. sometimes a mothers heart gets pulled in all directions trying to figure out how to collect her family. by now you know i take this family collection stuff seriously. with this very heavy on my mind, this situation seemed all the more saddening to me. here i am, a mother who would love to take that baby in the stroller and the toddler with a pony tail. i would take them and love them, read them stories and tickle their little arms until they fell fast asleep in a safe warm bed where their only worry was what picture to paint when they awoke.

i rushed thru that insane store gathering neatly the needed items and headed for my car. i ran into my mother confessing my mrs. citizen moment that was burning a hole in my heart. the ride home i was determined to do something with this broken heart and this frustration. i was wildly going thru possibilities that i could do that would make the hurt stop. that would make me stop thinking about a little girl who was dragged by her hair that needed a warm fire and a brimming christmas tree with love abounding. in my fury of possibilities i pretended i gathered her up in my arms and took her home with me. we opened presents on christmas morning and talked about the baby jesus.

and then for a moment i thought about the baby jesus. i have been reading from the 4 gospels the past few nights about the miracles that were recorded about this baby. about the fish and the loaves that were enough, the water that calmed, the virgin mary and the babe in the manger that descended below all to be greeted by a faithful woman, a brave joseph and awaiting animals. my thoughts then turned to another bystander that night. the literal father of the babe. i thought about how he watched the dissension below all, a precious son to be given no room at the inn. a father watching brutality and sorrow of a son who trod a lonely path. suddenly i had a place for this hole burning in my heart. i felt christmas. some years pass and we don't get the chance to feel the significance of that lowly manger. i suddenly felt the burden that baby carried as he grew to a man aware of his divine nature. i felt the sorrow and the joy. the joy that adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. the bystander, that often times i fail to recognize his significant role as a parent, felt the same way i did as he saw that toddler abused. that's why he watched that lowly dissension of his literal son. he knew the price his holy son paid would satisfy the demands of justice and somehow make it up to this toddler and her ponytail. he knows how my heart aches as we try to expand our family through earnest prayer, humble hearts and open minds. he knows. and therefore, he gives us christmas.

mrs. citizen take 1

growing up, my dad was incredibly regulatory about what our minds inhaled from the tube. we could freely watch any public television shows but anything else required his approval. steve erkel won by a landslide. larry and balki from perfect strangers was always a grey line and full house always won him over with the special time music when the valuable lesson at the end was proclaimed.

taking all of this into consideration, he had some sons. some sons he wanted to scare into being good citizens. while most families would gather on a saturday night for a heart warming movie or a game night, our TV set would be fixed to COPS. it was the beginning of reality tv in my opinion. we would watch with incredible intensity and belt out the theme song, "bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you". we would laugh and then proceed to watch what would happen if we were ever engaged in civil disobedience. there was never a time for my parents to sit us down and give us any kind of "just say no" talks or anything of the sort, we all knew that the COPS would come for us if we engaged in any such activity.

my dad doesn't put up with garbage and definitely doesn't take the cowardly approach to being a good citizen. one time there was a woman drunk as a skunk exiting our local little caesar's with some tipsy pizzas in hand. my dad got a hold of a cop in no time pointing out the crime as we followed the apprehension all the while singing "bad boys bad boys" in the buick at the top of our lungs. he kept us updated about the DUI and i can say that none of his children have ever had a DUI.

thru the years he has earned the nickname of mr citizen. one time at the local community pool i accompanied my small siblings to the pool to lounge. i was 8 months pregnant with a ribcage condition and the water freed my pain. we went often. as i beached it in the kiddy pool the pool manager let me know my 4 and 5 year old siblings were too old for that small pool. she made us get out and go to the part that was over their heads. my dad was on the phone with her within minutes of our departure. while his complaint was filed, the woman asked who he was. he responded with, " i am mr. citizen. i am a taxpayer who lives in this community and you will not be hassling people anymore". and thus, mr. citizen was born.

call it genetics or whatever you want, but it seems his daughter is falling in line right nice.

last month i was cooking dinner and decided it was time to fetch the kids. i walked out of the house and across the street to the "fort" and told them to come and eat. as grayce followed me in, little bud "e" stayed behind for one more minute of stick finding. as i walked in the house i left the door open knowing the little fellow would be following shortly. as i found myself in the kitchen i heard two screeching wheels coming around the bend to the dead end of our street. it was a pimple faced baby practicing his racing skills with his mom's ford taurus. all of a sudden my sweet boys face came into my mind and i bolted out the door. not knowing what i was going to do all of a sudden i could smell blood. i was out for this kids throat. mrs citizen came to life and was born in the middle of the road. he raced down to the the bottom of the street, squealing on two wheels to turn around and on his way back up he found this newborn mrs citizen in the middle of his path. acting as a times square traffic cop i was waving him to slow down. he quickly snapped his brakes and rolled his window down. i had to control myself to not reach down his throat and remove his gullet with my bare hands. i yelled with a voice i didn't know existed, just like a newborn animal discovering their surroundings. i told him there were kids playing around here and to slow down. there were no vulgar words used to my own surprise. his response was pure fear and he cried out his apologies to me. he looked like a 12 year old david archuleta. he was so dumbfounded by my scolding that when i was done he sat there, not moving. i yelled at him "go!!!!!" he rolled out at negative 5 miles an hour and i am sure his mother wanted to know why her drivers seat was wet.

an hour later i got a call from the only other house on our 14 lot cul de sac. she is the farthest house down. she started by saying "you go girl". she then proceeded to tell my she heard every word of my scolding to him and her doors were all shut, as were her windows. she heard the car coming down and had the phone in her hands as she had watched my kids out playing earlier. fearing some fatality she kept the phone close as she watched this unfold. once she got to a window she could see there weren't any kids in the road but as she watched her enraged neighbor stand in the middle of the street to a speeding car she said she kept it ready to call 911,ready for mrs. citizens short lived life. i counted how many houses on the other side of the street are between us, 8. she heard me that far away.

it is amazing what you pull out of the hat when you are called mom. protection skills of a grizzly come out of a lady wearing a flowery apron.

anyone there....

as of today, december 19, we now have internet at the house.

merry christmas

thrilling. and horrifying.

i have been without internet for 5 months. only mandatory sessions at my mom's to clear my email account. like feeling important does include hearing aol tell you about your email and seeing 253 new messages. i have only skimmed the past few months and all of this seems like a new language to me. being absent from this bloggosphere for a bit has made me a real gal completely taking the cyber gal from me.

i can't imagine that people read my blog to find out what i am doing and enjoy it. it is a funny thing the www. i keep thinking really, there is a world where people want to see what i did over the weekend and see pictures and i in return will want to read about theirs? stunning. and then i think, glory be, i have shown a picture of my bathroom over this vast black hole, kind of horrifying with this long absence. it has made me red in the face thinking that i have shared personal stuff in to the black hole for anyone to see. and now, i know how my grandmother feels when i tell her about blogging.

my self proclaimed writer self will come back. i do have some great stories to tell. i turned into mrs. citizen this past fall which included 2 stories about my screaming self to bystanders. me? really? it will come out....

today

swine.flu.tamiflu.fevers.throw-up.pumpkins.witches.clorox.clam chowder. snot.tissues.bills.snow.vaccination.albuterol.inhaler.gilmore girls.read.corrina corrina.happy thoughts.

over the weekend?

HERE

thanks ropes!

mysterious{ness} of sisterhood

i was a budding sophomore in high school before i was blessed with a sister relationship. we waited and waited for the two caboose children born to our family after 10 anxious years of waiting for their glorious arrival. there was the first family, myself and 3 brothers born in a five year span. then... 2 caboose children born just 12 months apart. we were all thrilled with their arrival.

i had always dreamed of having a sister. always dreamed of sharing clothes. doing make up. all things girl. why my lovely neighboring household boasted 4 sisters. e,h,j and s. wonderful girls that were always calm, played barbies and other magnificent girl activities that made it very apparent that our household was lacking the female variety in quantity.

imagine the honeymooning phase of sisterhood i embarked upon as a teenager to get a sister. it was worth the long wait and certainly void of any indifference expressed in a normal sisterhood other peers had expressed disdain with.

my red headed mate only experienced the male variety growing up. with a family boasting 4 strapping boys he never saw the effects of sisterhood. why when we were first married as we were getting ready for church one sunday, he tried expressing his admiration over my lovely church apparel which turned out to be a slip. he had a modest mother who never let on to such feminine secrets.

at the news that our third bundle of joy was going to be all female, i was thrilled with the prospect of have 2 sisters under my roof. thrilled. being such new territory my limited experience and naivety was a bad combination. upon seeing 2 female personalities develop at our house there are lots of weary glances exchanged between the red head and i. as sweet as the tender moments exchanged they are very dramatic and well, girl.

the other day i found myself in the garage working on my year long project of the rescued buffet. the door was opened and i could hear the girls setting up for a lovely tea party to discuss the fate of the boxed up halloween decor. "winds of love" was fetching some pumpkin chocolate chip bread for herself and offered the gesture to "hella" while they embarked on serious planning discussion. before i knew it there was what i thought to be squeals of delight at the prospect of a tea party. i was soon educated on the squealing only to find "winds of love" had been trapped in the jaws of "hella". "hella" wanted grayce's square of cake and was not going to wait. when grayce refused giving her peice up, hella took matters into her own hands, or teeth actually, and hunkered down on sisters biceps.

i doctored the wound with an ace bandage holding an ice pack to help the swelling. it was a gory battle wound fitting for a halloween horror show.

later that night we were fetching supplies for grayce's costume at the local emporium. she had brought her own money and upon remembering that the little devil would turn three on october 18, as hella will tell you, she decided it would be appropriate to spend all her funds on matching webkinz they could play with. my jaw dropped to the floor as i watched her struggle to get her money out with her injured arm. had she so quickly forgotten that this devil of a sister nearly caused an ER visit that could have entailed sewing a chunk of skin back on to make her whole? i almost felt the need to remind her but bit into my tongue that was bleeding by the time the venture was coming to an end.

i mulled the days activities over in my mind countless times looking for the eternal principle found here. last night as i was going over holy scripture, i came upon a chapter heading that answered my question. it declares, "faith is a hope which is not seen which is true." maybe this is far fetched for some, but my minuscule mind was opened and i saw with the innocence of my gracye. she knows the eternal bind she shares with ella can't be stopped by a bite or mean words. and it reminded me of my hope and faith in the sisterhood i share with paige. it goes beyond bites and fights. it is faith and hope that lace our relationship and pulls us together in the perils of life..

hollywood here we come

last year my "winds of love" got the chance to play Lady Macbeth. we lucked out and got a teacher who lets her 2nd grade students perform shakespeare every year.

the local news station was at the school yesterday and my lovely got to do her little line and showcase her drum skills. we had to be to the school by 6:30 am which was almost the death of me. my inner self wanted to roll out of bed and go in a hat, my worldly outer self wouldn't let that happen. so, i was up far too early round brushing my mane......the threat of being caught for one millisecond on camera in a hat and no make up got my hind quarters out of bed far too early.

you can view here. our beauty in her orange dress is in clips 3 and 5. 3 is her lady Macbeth debut and 5 are her drum skills......

and i guess her speech impediment that i love with all my heart is pretty obvious in her Shakespearean lingo, but i am in love with it. i hope she keeps her lisp all the days of her life.

did i ever tell you the story about the meeting the school requested my presence at over my daughter's special education?

i have been meaning to and i hope i don't offend. please read with a light heart.

last year about the spring quarter i got a letter that informed me of a meeting to take place with the principal, "winds of love"'s teacher, and the special education teacher. our daughter hasn't attended any special classes and as far as i knew her grades were great. i hadn't noticed any problems and was sick to my stomach reading this letter thinking something was wrong and why on earth would the school pick up on it and not me? good gravy trains.....

the meeting was 3 weeks away. a normal person would have called the school asking about why they think my lovely needed special education. but i stewed and worried instead. it's my love of ulcers i guess.

the time came for the meeting and i went with sweaty palms. i went to the instructed room number with my daughter and waited for the dignitaries to join us. i was shaking and thought i just may vomit from worry that something was seriously wrong. i mean the principal was there, hello.

the meeting started and i listened to the special education teacher talk about how they had tested my daughter for speech, recognition, speaking interactions and such and how she had failed and tested in the handicap range for 23 sounds. i was sweating and horrified until 15 minutes into the meeting i realized they were telling me in a most politically correct way that my daughter had a lisp. at that point i had to put my hand over my mouth as this team of people were talking about how we can correct her handicap. i was stifling my giggles and trying not to soil my shorts i was giggling on the inside so hard.

then they showed me what she qualified for from federal funding because of here severe handicap and please sign here so we can receive a check every month she is in therapy. and oh, she will need at least a year of extensive training and correction. i then found out that this "special education teacher" was a speech pathologist. at that point it seemed that particular parenting ulcer of the month could have been completely avoided.

nonetheless. i was concerned that my beloved had heard them refer to her speaking as handicap and was worried. i talked to her afterwards about it and she promised to work hard at speech therapy. i secretly wished that she wouldn't, because after all, one of my favorites blogs for people with lisps. and where would we be without her?