Saturday, December 19, 2009

mrs. citizen take 1

growing up, my dad was incredibly regulatory about what our minds inhaled from the tube. we could freely watch any public television shows but anything else required his approval. steve erkel won by a landslide. larry and balki from perfect strangers was always a grey line and full house always won him over with the special time music when the valuable lesson at the end was proclaimed.

taking all of this into consideration, he had some sons. some sons he wanted to scare into being good citizens. while most families would gather on a saturday night for a heart warming movie or a game night, our TV set would be fixed to COPS. it was the beginning of reality tv in my opinion. we would watch with incredible intensity and belt out the theme song, "bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you". we would laugh and then proceed to watch what would happen if we were ever engaged in civil disobedience. there was never a time for my parents to sit us down and give us any kind of "just say no" talks or anything of the sort, we all knew that the COPS would come for us if we engaged in any such activity.

my dad doesn't put up with garbage and definitely doesn't take the cowardly approach to being a good citizen. one time there was a woman drunk as a skunk exiting our local little caesar's with some tipsy pizzas in hand. my dad got a hold of a cop in no time pointing out the crime as we followed the apprehension all the while singing "bad boys bad boys" in the buick at the top of our lungs. he kept us updated about the DUI and i can say that none of his children have ever had a DUI.

thru the years he has earned the nickname of mr citizen. one time at the local community pool i accompanied my small siblings to the pool to lounge. i was 8 months pregnant with a ribcage condition and the water freed my pain. we went often. as i beached it in the kiddy pool the pool manager let me know my 4 and 5 year old siblings were too old for that small pool. she made us get out and go to the part that was over their heads. my dad was on the phone with her within minutes of our departure. while his complaint was filed, the woman asked who he was. he responded with, " i am mr. citizen. i am a taxpayer who lives in this community and you will not be hassling people anymore". and thus, mr. citizen was born.

call it genetics or whatever you want, but it seems his daughter is falling in line right nice.

last month i was cooking dinner and decided it was time to fetch the kids. i walked out of the house and across the street to the "fort" and told them to come and eat. as grayce followed me in, little bud "e" stayed behind for one more minute of stick finding. as i walked in the house i left the door open knowing the little fellow would be following shortly. as i found myself in the kitchen i heard two screeching wheels coming around the bend to the dead end of our street. it was a pimple faced baby practicing his racing skills with his mom's ford taurus. all of a sudden my sweet boys face came into my mind and i bolted out the door. not knowing what i was going to do all of a sudden i could smell blood. i was out for this kids throat. mrs citizen came to life and was born in the middle of the road. he raced down to the the bottom of the street, squealing on two wheels to turn around and on his way back up he found this newborn mrs citizen in the middle of his path. acting as a times square traffic cop i was waving him to slow down. he quickly snapped his brakes and rolled his window down. i had to control myself to not reach down his throat and remove his gullet with my bare hands. i yelled with a voice i didn't know existed, just like a newborn animal discovering their surroundings. i told him there were kids playing around here and to slow down. there were no vulgar words used to my own surprise. his response was pure fear and he cried out his apologies to me. he looked like a 12 year old david archuleta. he was so dumbfounded by my scolding that when i was done he sat there, not moving. i yelled at him "go!!!!!" he rolled out at negative 5 miles an hour and i am sure his mother wanted to know why her drivers seat was wet.

an hour later i got a call from the only other house on our 14 lot cul de sac. she is the farthest house down. she started by saying "you go girl". she then proceeded to tell my she heard every word of my scolding to him and her doors were all shut, as were her windows. she heard the car coming down and had the phone in her hands as she had watched my kids out playing earlier. fearing some fatality she kept the phone close as she watched this unfold. once she got to a window she could see there weren't any kids in the road but as she watched her enraged neighbor stand in the middle of the street to a speeding car she said she kept it ready to call 911,ready for mrs. citizens short lived life. i counted how many houses on the other side of the street are between us, 8. she heard me that far away.

it is amazing what you pull out of the hat when you are called mom. protection skills of a grizzly come out of a lady wearing a flowery apron.


Deanna said...

I would have paid good money to witness this event, as I cannot imagine you screaming at anyone! I'm sure glad you did it though :-)

Carrie said...

I'm so glad you are back! You have been missed! :-)

I love this story!! I just can't imagine you scolding somebody. Too funny! There have been a few times when Mrs. Citizen has come out in me. Way to protect your cubs! :-)