Sunday, October 24, 2010

the fruit of my loins emerges into this world- the birth story

i had a secret this time. well, it was more like a "i don't know if i want to do this secret". i had a scheduled induction and kept it mum. the doctor really pushed for me to do this in a controlled environment because of a collection of things. head placement issues, abundant amniotic fluid, strep b positive.

the morning of the induction was just the most out of body experience. ella's birthday was the day before which was a great distraction, but she had an allergic flare up and was miserable the whole day. i kept debating if i really wanted to go through with it....really, i did. my mom planned a special halloween sleep over with the kids so we could keep it on the down low. i hate others expectations and wanted to do this with scotty and not a million people wondering when, how, know. anyway. i also had a lot of fears. i just kept saying i forgot the good parts and could only remember the bad. after three crazy deliveries you get like that.

when we got to the hospital i had a prime induction rate of 7:00 am, which meant my doctor is grand and had it put on the schedule 2 weeks in advance. i carried baby until 39 weeks and 3 days, which is the longest i have ever done. when the doctor came in he checked baby and sure enough the head was not down but off to the right. we started the penicillin drip and he told me we needed to reevaluate at 10:00am about head placement. he told me to start tinkering with the head to see if i could get fetus to move down. the whole pregnancy i could press by my belly and get his head off from the right or left side.

i knew in his mind he was putting together a back up plan, which meant c-section. with so much fluid (again) he was worried the cord would slip out if the head was too high and other possibilities. i started preparing myself (for the millionth time this pregnancy) for a c-section or some grim scenario. the doctor came in at 10am with the ultra sound machine and we all cheered to find out baby had moved and the head was engaged, although still sunny side up. that was enough. off to the pitocin we went about 10:30am and then the show started.

i wish i could put words together about how different i have felt with this pregnancy. i could have gone two more months, i just didn't get crazy enough to want it out. i know it's odd. i had really forgotten the magic of babies and all of the good stuff. so every minute i was in labor i kept thinking, maybe i could back out and come back next week. then. the pitocin started to work. i am super sensitive to it and was commiserating thru contractions an hour into it. they were close together and long. after an hour i cried "uncle" and got the epidural. i was a four by then. there were a bunch of "new" things the labor and delivery unit wanted to try out on me. a new in utero monitor for baby, the kangaroo(the skin to skin when baby comes out) among other things. i think the hospital i delivered at has the best L&D unit around. the staff is amazing. it seems any nurse on the floor has been there 20 years, they are incredibly competent. anyway, with all of these new things came an onslaught of nurses, reps and others in the delivery room which was amazing for the delivery.

it went fast after the epidural (which worked this time, a dr. patel cocktail, yay!). i was closely monitored after the epidural for a past history of blood pressure dip suddenly. the staff was amazing with every concern that came up. i was a 4cm at twelve and with the help of tons of nurses giving advice on curling up in a ball, rotating every 30 minutes, by 2:00 i was 10 and working on the head coming down and turning baby. a couple of pushes and a vacuum to aid in the crazy head position, by 2:58pm baby emerged. with a room full of spectators knowing we were being surprised, it was like a home run hit with cheers when rocky (our doc) announced the gender.

for a minute, heaven and earth were in my hands. i have never had a moment like that with any delivery. the kangaroo requires immediate skin to skin with a nurse looking over baby to make sure all is normal. this little person laid on me, crying, while i had a good half hour to take it all in. this entire pregnancy i have worried something wouldn't be right, that we had been lucky to that point, that the delivery would be horrific. my miracle was realizing what an amazing experience bringing a baby into this world can be. i had no pain and emotionally i wasn't drained because of the quick pace and amazing support. i had 5 nurses that were there to observe the new utero monitoring machine who all had at least 10-15 years each of labor and delivery experience. they were cheering me on with every push and every great milestone. my doctor was so kind and so sweet. i know doctors are notorious for bedside manner either way. i feel so lucky to have one that offers up a kind and aware disposition. the best complement i can give him is to say that his experience made me feel like he was a pro but his understanding and tenderness with scott and i made us feel like we were his first delivery.

in that moment where i was feeling no pain and taking the relief of being done in with the perfect miracle on my chest, i thought about all my trepidation, nerves, and holding back about going thru the labor. it was like everyone disappeared and for a few sweet moments i thought of everything i would have gone thru to have those moments. the thought that came to my mind was crawling to the hospital thru any circumstance to have experienced that miracle. that's the part i had forgotten. the beauty of heaven extended just to you to offer you its very best. to show you the miracle of life, the miracle of creation, and the opportunity to have your heart opened to one more thing to adore and love. i feel so blessed to have been the receiver of that memory.

my recovery has been a recovery. not always easy and a little bumpy, but having a sweet little boy at my side cooing sure makes it easier. my recovery with ella was incredibly amazing so this has thrown me for a little loop. i guess when you feel everything during labor anything seems better than feeling that. that is all i can attribute the amazingly quick recovery with ella. but, to have those amazing moments while the epidural was still working with rowan was worth every ounce of pain i have had the past 11 days. i feel incredibly lucky to have had this memory and this amazing week with my superstar husband at the helm of all of the organization and sanity at our house.

and, i know 31 seems young. but i old. i tired. seriously. i have been bearing babies for 9 years and the red head and i are bone tired. like head aching all day bone tired. the busyness of 4 kids going 4 different directions makes me so sleepy. while my life feels like a dream of goodness, sometimes i wish i was in a dream, that would mean sleep. this too shall pass and my cup runneth over, that is what i keep telling myself.

many have bluntly asked, so i bet you are done right? 4 kids pretty much translates into you have populated the whole earth with today's trends. i am a firm believer that a family is not about numbers. what resonates for me is giving yourself time to find out what your family is supposed to be. i don't think welcoming a new baby is a time to make drastic decisions either way. we all have a purpose, a plan that is just for us. as unique as our individuality. why try to be like somebody else's family? i think finding out what is meant just for you is one of life's greatest sources of joy. amen :) at least for me.

so there you have. a birth story and a sermon. it's a twofer. two for one......


kate said...

thanks for sharing heidi, what a neat story! so glad things went well in every way. :)

Lori said...

what a blessing children are. so happy for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh you guys are so amazing! I love your posts, love this story. You and Scott are amazing people..and have beautiful children!!