drippy and dippy

sometimes i need to write these things down and please be warned that my words get so drippy and might just repel you. my apologies.

but. this church i belong to requires that every two years i go in and talk to the people i sustain as my leaders for a piece of paper that lets me enter the holy temple. i talk to my local leaders, (which i thought would be a perk of being married to one of these guys, but he sent me to the other counselor) and they present before me a list of questions that i answer. it is a good opportunity to gauge myself. as me. as what i do beyond being the mother, the wife, the sister, the daughter, the neighbor, the friend. you get the idea. i walk into the room and it is me and the questions. i am not answering these questions as hella's mother, or paige's sister, or the red head's wife. often motherhood smacks me with excuses to not study sacred scripture, not attend the temple as much as i would like, or make the excuses that i too often let motherhood offer me.

as i went to the second round of interviews at the stake, i sat before a great man. raised 6 kids, has a noteworthy career in education, and offers his time freely for the past 9 years to benefit people like me. the first question he asked entailed how my spirituality was. and that is when all of these thoughts hit me. my busy{ness} being the mom, wife and so on should be what bring me to more understand a garden in gethsemane and the day the tomb was empty - not pull me away from it. that is what this time here on earth is to do. so as i have really taken some time to balance and readjust some things lately, i have honestly taken into account how i felt when he asked me that night. when this small whisper opened my thoughts to show me that one day, it will be me and my maker. there will be no spilled milk, no carpools to pull me away from family night and no sickness to keep me from sabbath worship. it will be he and i and he will know whether or not i used the spilled milk and physical ailments to come to him. i am working on it. for some reason music makes it really easy for me to "feel" and better understand my maker. as of late the MOTAB has been permanent. which begs me to tell you a good story.

last summer, my red head had just been called to serve in the local ward bishopric for our church. every year the girls 12-18 gather for a couple of days to camp and learn. we volunteered to go up and make breakfast on the day they would be packing up to leave to help alleviate some stress. we came the night before and were told by the leaders of the girls that the girls had been given little oil lamps the first day of camp and were told to keep them near, that they would need them at some point during the next few days.

in the middle of the night on the last night of camp, these girls were told one time that they needed to come outside and follow their leaders. the music "come thou fount of every blessing" with the mormon tabernacle choir {MOTAB} was blaring. i was sleeping outside in a tent and was awoken to this most beautiful song, blaring thru this small mountain town. i was so cold and tempted not to get up when the red head beckoned me. when i first rubbed my sleepy eyes, i thought i had died. crickets chirping, that awesome sleep with cold air piercing your face, the wind blowing, and my most favorite hymnal blaring. it makes me teary thinking back. i did go, and discovered sleepy girls carrying their lanterns and sit listen to a beautiful scripture presentation about the 10 virgins. it was a really tender moment. some girls didn't come. some were so tired they didn't fully take it in. others had eyes full of tears as their hearts were warm with truth.

me, i will never forget it. and here is a link to watch a beautiful clip with a picture of the 10 virgins included that is my most favorite.{the 10 virgins picture is at about 1:15} click hereit is also set to my favorite hymnal. there is a line in that old hymn that says, {take my heart, oh take and seal it. seal it for thy courts on high} that makes me happy and resonates why i believe in this religion of mine. me before my maker.

if you are further interested in this project, you can read all about it here or go to reflectionsofchrist.org

i bought the DVD documenting the project and the artwork, weepy. beautiful.

amen;)