Sunday, May 17, 2009

loved it

the church i belong to has been doing these great you tube videos. our friend who works downtown for the audio visual dept of the church has been in on this project and has told us of the amazing success they are having to clarify the beliefs of the lds church. i was so glad to come across this one today, it made me really happy, especially after being able to hear from elder scott yesterday and today in our stake conference. you can see it by clicking here.

the redhead had the chance to meet and talk with elder scott years ago while living in europe. his words profoundly influenced s.mac. the anticipation here has been that of christmas as we have waited to hear from an apostle. it was sweet and my cup runneth over. it was a very tender weekend. everything feels balanced and straight within me after hearing such a great and powerful witness.

i thought this was so funny. my redhead has no social restraints. he says hi to all whom he passes. when we were first married i was always so embarrassed as i am more reserved, although i admire his social tenacity. you can believe after the priesthood meeting with elder scott yesterday, my redhead had reacquainted himself with the apostle and when i walked in to the adult session that night, elder scott gave my red head a thumbs up. luckily my attention was turned elsewhere or i would have piddled in my pants. they were exchanging winks thru out the entire meeting. elder scott was insistent on shaking the hands of all who desired so. when it was my turn he was gracious and kind and complimented me, making my cheeks blush. he told me of the things he and my husband had chatted about and then he looked into my soul as only he can, and told me of the great love he felt from my husband for me. after he was finished telling me how much my husband loves me, my bangs and eyelashes got into a war and i was flinching, and fumbling. wanting to yell from the rooftops to this holy man of god that i too was in love with my husband and felt the same. the hair in my eyes left my eyes watering and my nose to start accumulating fluid. also, the red cheeks from being in his presence left me with a dumbfounded look on my face. there was nothing left to salvage and so i did the only thing i could, i went to the next person in line to shake hands with.

the whole way home i kept thinking about this. about how my husband would be so bold and brave to declare his love for me in a very public way. it struck me how different we are in our affections with one another and this embarrassing incident was so telling. if i were public with my voice, i would have told elder scott i love my husband so much, i wanted him to be on the front row for the adult session. so, i told him to stay after the priesthood session was over and save the seats he wanted to best see this holy man and i would bring his dinner over in the car. i would go in and complete saving his seats and he could still enjoy the rest of the evening with a full belly. in love, we find things that we are good at and give them to our partners selflessly. i feed his belly, love his kids and scratch his head when he drives. my words come out slaughtered and short when i speak about this red head of mine. it makes me feel more complete to have his babies, cook his dinner and fold his clothes. and i do appreciate his words of love and have learned he has to hear it 49,000,342 times in a phone call and a day. so, cheers to a weekend where things were opened to my mind and made clear a little more about this life.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

weekend brilliance

so far, my weekend has gone swimmingly.

i joined a new food co-op and am incredibly thrilled with it thus far. $15 for 2 baskets full of food. plus. the pick up is 3 minutes from my house. learn more by clicking here. i picked mine up this morning at 7:30, it was wonderful, plus, every 2 weeks? it's pretty happening.

amongst my baskets were mexican mangoes that were so soft and juicy, it spurred on this mornings breakfast that the red head and i were especially happy with. i made a basic pancake, buttermilk syrup with coconut extract added, and fresh mango atop.

i ate while perusing the yale alumni magazine. i was thrilled when i read that they have added a cupcake cart to the mix of food carts. they have this amazing thing in new haven. at lunch time, a bazillion food carts come out and congregate to sell from some of the best restaurants for incredibly cheap. and what a genius idea these people had to add cupcakes to the mix! it made me smile this morning.

later this afternoon we are off to the renaissance fair and then get to go to the adult session of stake conference to hear an apostle speak. our stake leadership is being reorganized. elder scott is coming and the red head is so excited, we have been counting down at this house for over a month.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


i know a lot of flutter from the mouth of a mother this weekend entails not loving this holiday.

i partake in maybe a small majority of women who really, really eat this weekend up. i love thinking about it for a week before and after. "winds of love" and bud"e" have been counting down until this weekend for the holiday for a week. somehow, the meaning of this weekend got lost in toddler translation and hella has been wishing herself a happy birthday every day, asking each day when we are going to make her cake. most mornings i have been met with a "happy birtsdee momma." the other kids fall apart giggling and then she tells them in an unkind way she doesn't appreciate being laughed at. that can usually entail a right hook to the jaw which then ends up in time out, boy this sentence is turning out all wrong. anyway, besides the only once a day tantrum occurring involving the birthday mix up, they have been cutting tulips, dandelions, and grass blades to show their love. things have been getting cleaned just to see the look on my face. i have had to really be aware of their motives so i don't hurt any one's feelings. every blade of grass and weed makes me equally happy i tell them. they have been really, really thinking about me this week and that makes my heart dance. hella has been full of love and even fell asleep on me for a nap, which is a gift from above. naps are not for her apparently unless they are at 5:30 right at dinner. this week, i was busy in the making process of dinner and heard a faint, "mom i so tiwud." then, she disappeared, and i found this.

there, she was tired and the pre dinner apple snack was too tiring to eat. for this child, a nap at 5:30 does not mean sleep the rest of the night like it did for the other two at this age. it means waking up spitting nails at 7:00 and staying up until 11:00 making your motha in a funk.

for the record. that outfit had been worn over her clothes all day. to the store and various other errands that would have caused a first time mother to be red cheeked. i took it all in stride and at costco we made quite the scene whilst in the line she decided it was time for smoochies. she proceeded to grab my head with those chubby paws and leaves drops of love with her kisses all over my face. you don't deny her "loves". they come at unexpected times. there she was adoring me with love when i should have been putting my pears on the checkout stand, all dressed up in her pink fancy. it was the best mothers day moment and it attracted the attention of passers by that laughed and were having great fun watching the whole event unfold..

i had a dinner for mom and grandma this weekend. i laid my grandma's tablecloth on the table we ate from so i could remember all of the good women that night, even if she was watching us from above. that is where my sentimental"ness" comes into play. i love all of the things i got when we cleared their house. i use the things everyday and was so glad to have this so i could think about her while i bustled about getting dinner ready. it's funny. mom and grandma kept telling me it was mother's day weekend and i should be sitting down enjoying a meal too. but the reality is, at this point in my life, my mother's day is enjoyed by making a grand meal for the good women in my life to enjoy. it is also made happy by reading the card "winds of love" made, listening to bud"e" telling me how he can't wait for sunday to tell me happy mothers day and having hella wish me happy birthday everyday. i am the receiver of hugs and kisses from sticky fingers and happy hearts. it is a phase that will quickly pass and i will soon join the sitting world of eaters one day when my time has come. but my sitting at the table will mean my blades of grass and freshly picked weeds will be replaced with annual cards declaring love and appreciation. and i bet if the truth were told, mom and grandma just might wish for a day of those years back to receive the gifts of babes. i have been able to see the mark a mother leaves with her kids as i have really taken note of them and their affections for me this week. it makes me have a happy heart for the mother's that made this husband of mine so good. i will love them with a full heart the rest of my life for all they did to make him so perfect for me. mother's day is so much bigger than the mother at this house. and this tart i made? i did it to show them i love them, eating my food atop grandma's tablecloth. a really pretty memory.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

weekend happenings

i am a planner. for this lovely mother's day weekend we had to absolute pleasure of picking up mountain man and jewelann at the airport. what a treat! they have buried themselves deep into school and such that this last trip entailed ohio, arizona, oregon AND the rockies. hoorah! when i heard the news my mind was a flutter. so much so that i forgot to tell the redhead they were coming. yesterday when i mentioned who would be at our dinner table this night partaking of a feast, the shocked face told me we had a busy week and had only kissed in passing. whilst at the zoo with the newlyweds herding the kidlets, we sat on the bench and recounted our i love him. how last weekends escape with the two of us is being enjoyed so much this week in my memory. oh how fun it was to wake up and jet out to eat homemade granola and organic yogurt at breadstix. i was a bit anxiety ridden with no diapers to change, no scrapes to kiss and no apples and pears to peel for a morning snack. we had a hard time fully taking it in you know. it had been 4 years since we were alone for 24 hours. so, as we talked and recounted our rendezvous, i told him of all the food happenings this weekend. salmon and prawns tonight, fresh pineapple, mushroom and chicken kabobs tomorrow night. if my feet allowed, possibly a strawberry tart with fresh cream. for sure strawberry jam with rolls. anyway. it was really lovely, and here are some pictures to prove the fact.

bud"e" digs mountain man, and "winds of love" looks to be nursing from the bosom of the ape, oops....
i did pull a strawberry tart off with my thrifting cake stand find.......i am so in love, i could look at that all day. and it did taste as good as it looked....
jewelann was putty in hella's hands. and well, that is a trick hella is good at. getting people to do what she wants. why just ask the man of the house. the other night she was kissing me saying smoochies moochies mommy. and when s.mac came in to partake of this love she simply stated,"dad, you go couch, i sleep here". oh mercy, i am THAT parent to this red headed devil. the newly weds were amazed at hella. while the other two of my kids love holding hands and being close to us, redhead junior had to be 2 steps behind or ahead and would not have a thing to do with holding a hand of any ones. she screams, i mean says, i i i i I I I I I I me do it, all day long....sigh. they thought i had been joking about her personality and possibly exaggerating. no, this is my third child at 2 and a half, and the thought of the chance that another one that could posses her, shall we say "strength", leaves my fertility feeling barren for a bit longer.....
he fell in love with her first of all these kids, they are such good pals.

and of course, needing some crowning glory. she was all about any trick he could pull out from his hat. and quite literally speaking, why in his past visits she has displayed a nasty aversion to baldness. when he lifted the cap off this visit, she was still smitten with his tricks. that shiny head did not deter her begging for more of whatever he was willing to give.
what a brilliant weekend, and it's only half way over.

Monday, May 4, 2009

a 2 dollar bill

was held up in my sunday school class yesterday. as the lesson was on fasting and tithing, the teacher got a discussion started about what that bill represented to us.

for me, some of the answers given were lost on me. the only one i could think of that applied to me were the following:



whilst in school, money was tight. tight as could be. we still found ways to enjoy our favorite thai food, go to the kids museum and be seen by a doctor. (although the kids might have to finish paying the loan off for student health insurance after we are dead and gone ;)) we were blissfully happy with nothing. 6 years of marriage was spent living below the poverty level and dreams were made of paychecks and our own house. i feel we did a good job while thru school. we avoided 6 figures of debt which seemed to be the norm for the red head's graduating class. there were scholarships and grants involved that covered a large portion of our yale schooling.

there were days on the playground day dreaming of the prawns and halibut i would buy once we had a paycheck. oh, the grocery budget i would give myself! i would dream about it often. but, somewhere provident living comes into play. it is probably that i am related to helen c., my lovely grandmother, but practicality has slapped my dreams of more "things" out of my life with no regrets. the kids wardrobe still consists of hand me downs, thrift stores, and gap sales. the grocery budget does occasionally allow prawns and 3 types of organic fruit but that hasn't increased our happiness. somehow i thought the burden we often felt thru those lean years came from the lack of funding. i think burdens are made light because we are given experiences to learn from. and, when we grab ahold of them and let them soak a while, our burdens become seem easier to bear. we learn to share them with an older brother. our nights don't seem to be happier when we eat steak or chicken. they do seem better when we all shake our groove thing to a little music before bed and giggle as our kids make fun of our dance moves.

so, as i sat thru this lesson yesterday, i concluded that the dollar bill to me has become another way to learn for myself that happiness is a state of mind, not a destination. our new house feels modest to me and something we made a goal of being able to pay off before the kids grow too big. of course, we are in love with dave ramsey and all of his wisdom. {he's coming to slc in 2 weeks, click here to go}

as i have been reading hella her carefully selected book choices every night, before we turn a page that she has decided is her favorite, she will squeal with delight and her chubby little hands will grab my face and say, "oh mom. dat's da good pawt." or "oh boy mom, here comes da good pawt." everyday i have been reminding myself to look for the good parts. you know, it's funny. it hasn't come from a $2 dollar bill......

Sunday, May 3, 2009

drippy and dippy

sometimes i need to write these things down and please be warned that my words get so drippy and might just repel you. my apologies.

but. this church i belong to requires that every two years i go in and talk to the people i sustain as my leaders for a piece of paper that lets me enter the holy temple. i talk to my local leaders, (which i thought would be a perk of being married to one of these guys, but he sent me to the other counselor) and they present before me a list of questions that i answer. it is a good opportunity to gauge myself. as me. as what i do beyond being the mother, the wife, the sister, the daughter, the neighbor, the friend. you get the idea. i walk into the room and it is me and the questions. i am not answering these questions as hella's mother, or paige's sister, or the red head's wife. often motherhood smacks me with excuses to not study sacred scripture, not attend the temple as much as i would like, or make the excuses that i too often let motherhood offer me.

as i went to the second round of interviews at the stake, i sat before a great man. raised 6 kids, has a noteworthy career in education, and offers his time freely for the past 9 years to benefit people like me. the first question he asked entailed how my spirituality was. and that is when all of these thoughts hit me. my busy{ness} being the mom, wife and so on should be what bring me to more understand a garden in gethsemane and the day the tomb was empty - not pull me away from it. that is what this time here on earth is to do. so as i have really taken some time to balance and readjust some things lately, i have honestly taken into account how i felt when he asked me that night. when this small whisper opened my thoughts to show me that one day, it will be me and my maker. there will be no spilled milk, no carpools to pull me away from family night and no sickness to keep me from sabbath worship. it will be he and i and he will know whether or not i used the spilled milk and physical ailments to come to him. i am working on it. for some reason music makes it really easy for me to "feel" and better understand my maker. as of late the MOTAB has been permanent. which begs me to tell you a good story.

last summer, my red head had just been called to serve in the local ward bishopric for our church. every year the girls 12-18 gather for a couple of days to camp and learn. we volunteered to go up and make breakfast on the day they would be packing up to leave to help alleviate some stress. we came the night before and were told by the leaders of the girls that the girls had been given little oil lamps the first day of camp and were told to keep them near, that they would need them at some point during the next few days.

in the middle of the night on the last night of camp, these girls were told one time that they needed to come outside and follow their leaders. the music "come thou fount of every blessing" with the mormon tabernacle choir {MOTAB} was blaring. i was sleeping outside in a tent and was awoken to this most beautiful song, blaring thru this small mountain town. i was so cold and tempted not to get up when the red head beckoned me. when i first rubbed my sleepy eyes, i thought i had died. crickets chirping, that awesome sleep with cold air piercing your face, the wind blowing, and my most favorite hymnal blaring. it makes me teary thinking back. i did go, and discovered sleepy girls carrying their lanterns and sit listen to a beautiful scripture presentation about the 10 virgins. it was a really tender moment. some girls didn't come. some were so tired they didn't fully take it in. others had eyes full of tears as their hearts were warm with truth.

me, i will never forget it. and here is a link to watch a beautiful clip with a picture of the 10 virgins included that is my most favorite.{the 10 virgins picture is at about 1:15} click hereit is also set to my favorite hymnal. there is a line in that old hymn that says, {take my heart, oh take and seal it. seal it for thy courts on high} that makes me happy and resonates why i believe in this religion of mine. me before my maker.

if you are further interested in this project, you can read all about it here or go to

i bought the DVD documenting the project and the artwork, weepy. beautiful.


Saturday, May 2, 2009

back in action...

on all fronts.

blogging.mother{hood}.house almost

my red head whisked me away this weekend to our favorite getaway. it was marvelous. there is nothing to do there but walk around cute cottages, listen to the ducks and enjoy the trees that have shaded guests for a very long time. we ate indian food, found glass aqua tile on sale for the kitchen back splash and....

i was able to get thru the dreaded seasonal effort of picking a swimsuit out. the red head was with me and got the full effect of what i go thru once a year. the shock of the price, the immodesty of it all, the match{y} situation. you know. the horror. but, alas some board shorts and a top were fetched. relief was mine.

then, we ate indian food here, oh wait-i already mentioned that. did i mention that when i eat there i say a prayer that entails the following wording - please bless i never ever get sick on this. i want to always be able to eat chicken makhani and peshawari naan. please. and then i stuff myself.

there may have been a slight possibility that my red head watched a vampire show with me and really liked it. might have watched it twice. and that makes me laugh.

on the way home, we stopped by the almost finished homestead and lo and behold, met the neighbors.

i am just hoping that the electric fence that separates the properties to house these fine fellows won't be a problem.......