what's in a name

well, apparently a joke at our house.

you see. i did this earth bending stupid thing once. when scott and i were dating, i said," i have a daughter waiting and her name is grayce." now, realize we both knew we were going to get married so this didn't come as a shock to him. but, i could feel my little grayce long before i was married and i knew she was a grayce, i just knew it. feeling the guilt of just telling scott the name, i stupidly gave up naming rights of any males that might enter our family right there on the spot. let me warn any unmarried readers right now, do not do this. one day, you will be pushing a watermelon thru a lemon and you can name that watermelon any dag gum thing you want. okay?

well, 10 years later, with our recent boy fetus emerging, the above mentioned comes into play. i knew this and told my red head this information, the fetus is a boy honey. i guess i am one of those lucky ones who just know what they are having. one time years ago, he told me that the next manchild should be named william bryant. two family names. great. for 4 years i have been able to feel this little boy hovering around, knowing he was coming forth eventually. once we were pregnant, i quickly reminded husband what the name was, after all, it was his idea. i had just happened to fall in love with it. my best friend snagged the william part and that put a damper on things for us. like my best friend since childhood that i still talk to regularly and we eat dinner together a lot. i asked her where she got the name from and she said they really liked pirates of the caribbean and apparently there is someone named william on that show. ( i know, i know. my cinema retardedness cripples me, i have never seen the show) well. there was no attachment with that right? surely i could steal the name. it is a 5 generation name in my family. so, we thought of naming him william and calling him liam. except once i heard the name liam when i was 18 or so and instantly thought the spelling would be lee-um. and it made me think of a green pea. just like the name gordon makes me think of a pickle. but say liam neeson to me and i get real romantic about the name liam, it sounds so.......brittish. the other bad news about liam is that it is on the top ten list right now and heavens knows there are enough grayce's and ella's for me to want originality.

so, the next step was to find another name. i fell head over heels in love with the name simon. uncrinkle your nose right now. simon cowell will not be around forever. i didn't give grayce the middle name of mae because macey grey was popular at the time and i didn't want to curse my child with a dyslexic future by naming her grayce mae. well, we all know macey grey chased her waterfall out of the spotlight and she became a one hit song wonder. simon, funky traditional. oh so original, but scott hated it.

then.

one day i put out feelers on facebook for a boy name. our friend shawn suggested koen. we both really liked it. for 3 or 4 hours we thought, okay, here it is. as we were parting ways for bed that night, the red head rubbed my belly and said, "goodnight little rowan." we both giggled uncontrollably. like, dry heaving giggling. i told him he had his naming rights revoked. if he couldn't remember what he liked, how could i trust him? we could end up with a boomer if we weren't careful.

it was such a dilemma.

so. one night, said red head was getting serious about the name. (like a week before the induction keep in mind. which is why it was an earth bending stupid thing to let him name the boys. the male clock does not tick like a females.) he looked up rowan and found it was a celtic name that meant little redhead. he also had a praise jesus moment in church one week where he fell in love with simon. so. we had two names, two routes to take. red head got the name rowan and simon for the back up. we were all holding out hope for a curly red head. so as this little one emerged and we saw the gobs of black hair, we thought oh, hello simon. but, this little boy was not a simon. he was rowan. within seconds we knew. and that was okay. the hour we left the hospital we had to give a middle name and i let scott do it. he chose william. he wanted each of our boys to have something from each family. easton got scott and rowan got the 5 generation name from my side. pretty good trade.

and boo to brooke shields for naming her girl rowan. it is a boy name. and it made me cringe when i heard all the girl rowans. no one wants a pat. really. and for all accounts, this poor baby gets called the craziest things. it is just so busy around here. he's been called rogan, owen, baby o, or just baby. sometimes we look at each other, kids included, and say - what's his name again? he's baby to us. either way, there is no shortage of love.

the fruit of my loins emerges into this world- the birth story

i had a secret this time. well, it was more like a "i don't know if i want to do this secret". i had a scheduled induction and kept it mum. the doctor really pushed for me to do this in a controlled environment because of a collection of things. head placement issues, abundant amniotic fluid, strep b positive.


the morning of the induction was just the most out of body experience. ella's birthday was the day before which was a great distraction, but she had an allergic flare up and was miserable the whole day. i kept debating if i really wanted to go through with it....really, i did. my mom planned a special halloween sleep over with the kids so we could keep it on the down low. i hate others expectations and wanted to do this with scotty and not a million people wondering when, how, if....you know. anyway. i also had a lot of fears. i just kept saying i forgot the good parts and could only remember the bad. after three crazy deliveries you get like that.


when we got to the hospital i had a prime induction rate of 7:00 am, which meant my doctor is grand and had it put on the schedule 2 weeks in advance. i carried baby until 39 weeks and 3 days, which is the longest i have ever done. when the doctor came in he checked baby and sure enough the head was not down but off to the right. we started the penicillin drip and he told me we needed to reevaluate at 10:00am about head placement. he told me to start tinkering with the head to see if i could get fetus to move down. the whole pregnancy i could press by my belly and get his head off from the right or left side.


i knew in his mind he was putting together a back up plan, which meant c-section. with so much fluid (again) he was worried the cord would slip out if the head was too high and other possibilities. i started preparing myself (for the millionth time this pregnancy) for a c-section or some grim scenario. the doctor came in at 10am with the ultra sound machine and we all cheered to find out baby had moved and the head was engaged, although still sunny side up. that was enough. off to the pitocin we went about 10:30am and then the show started.


i wish i could put words together about how different i have felt with this pregnancy. i could have gone two more months, i just didn't get crazy enough to want it out. i know it's odd. i had really forgotten the magic of babies and all of the good stuff. so every minute i was in labor i kept thinking, maybe i could back out and come back next week. then. the pitocin started to work. i am super sensitive to it and was commiserating thru contractions an hour into it. they were close together and long. after an hour i cried "uncle" and got the epidural. i was a four by then. there were a bunch of "new" things the labor and delivery unit wanted to try out on me. a new in utero monitor for baby, the kangaroo(the skin to skin when baby comes out) among other things. i think the hospital i delivered at has the best L&D unit around. the staff is amazing. it seems any nurse on the floor has been there 20 years, they are incredibly competent. anyway, with all of these new things came an onslaught of nurses, reps and others in the delivery room which was amazing for the delivery.



it went fast after the epidural (which worked this time, a dr. patel cocktail, yay!). i was closely monitored after the epidural for a past history of blood pressure dip suddenly. the staff was amazing with every concern that came up. i was a 4cm at twelve and with the help of tons of nurses giving advice on curling up in a ball, rotating every 30 minutes, by 2:00 i was 10 and working on the head coming down and turning baby. a couple of pushes and a vacuum to aid in the crazy head position, by 2:58pm baby emerged. with a room full of spectators knowing we were being surprised, it was like a home run hit with cheers when rocky (our doc) announced the gender.

for a minute, heaven and earth were in my hands. i have never had a moment like that with any delivery. the kangaroo requires immediate skin to skin with a nurse looking over baby to make sure all is normal. this little person laid on me, crying, while i had a good half hour to take it all in. this entire pregnancy i have worried something wouldn't be right, that we had been lucky to that point, that the delivery would be horrific. my miracle was realizing what an amazing experience bringing a baby into this world can be. i had no pain and emotionally i wasn't drained because of the quick pace and amazing support. i had 5 nurses that were there to observe the new utero monitoring machine who all had at least 10-15 years each of labor and delivery experience. they were cheering me on with every push and every great milestone. my doctor was so kind and so sweet. i know doctors are notorious for bedside manner either way. i feel so lucky to have one that offers up a kind and aware disposition. the best complement i can give him is to say that his experience made me feel like he was a pro but his understanding and tenderness with scott and i made us feel like we were his first delivery.



in that moment where i was feeling no pain and taking the relief of being done in with the perfect miracle on my chest, i thought about all my trepidation, nerves, and holding back about going thru the labor. it was like everyone disappeared and for a few sweet moments i thought of everything i would have gone thru to have those moments. the thought that came to my mind was crawling to the hospital thru any circumstance to have experienced that miracle. that's the part i had forgotten. the beauty of heaven extended just to you to offer you its very best. to show you the miracle of life, the miracle of creation, and the opportunity to have your heart opened to one more thing to adore and love. i feel so blessed to have been the receiver of that memory.

my recovery has been a recovery. not always easy and a little bumpy, but having a sweet little boy at my side cooing sure makes it easier. my recovery with ella was incredibly amazing so this has thrown me for a little loop. i guess when you feel everything during labor anything seems better than feeling that. that is all i can attribute the amazingly quick recovery with ella. but, to have those amazing moments while the epidural was still working with rowan was worth every ounce of pain i have had the past 11 days. i feel incredibly lucky to have had this memory and this amazing week with my superstar husband at the helm of all of the organization and sanity at our house.

and, i know 31 seems young. but i old. i tired. seriously. i have been bearing babies for 9 years and the red head and i are bone tired. like head aching all day bone tired. the busyness of 4 kids going 4 different directions makes me so sleepy. while my life feels like a dream of goodness, sometimes i wish i was in a dream, that would mean sleep. this too shall pass and my cup runneth over, that is what i keep telling myself.

many have bluntly asked, so i bet you are done right? 4 kids pretty much translates into you have populated the whole earth with today's trends. i am a firm believer that a family is not about numbers. what resonates for me is giving yourself time to find out what your family is supposed to be. i don't think welcoming a new baby is a time to make drastic decisions either way. we all have a purpose, a plan that is just for us. as unique as our individuality. why try to be like somebody else's family? i think finding out what is meant just for you is one of life's greatest sources of joy. amen :) at least for me.

so there you have. a birth story and a sermon. it's a twofer. two for one......

the fruit of my loins emerges into this world - the picture version

Rowan William Mac 10/19/10 2:58 p.m. 7 lbs. 15 ounces. 20 1/2 inches. perfection.


Ella is a pro at loving this little man. it is so sweet. the nurses at the hospital got a kick out of this onesie. it is set up like a eye chart and says: mom says if you can read this, change my diaper. unfortunately it is a 10 minute outfit, after it's been on 10 minutes, there are explosions with unfortunate consequences.......

ella was eating m&m's, telling rowan all about them.

nothing better than some cross eyed shots and a chubby toddler face filled with big sister pride.

i really don't know if he could be any more pretty, really i am so in love with this little man.

his head gets so cold. we have had to make him the roman catholic priest and cover him up.

just a few hours old meeting the other fruits of my loins.....

unfortunately ella had a horrible allergic flare up right before he was born. we made her wear the mask and go see dr. lloyd for clearance before she could meet row....

i am working on the birth story which might be a few days. i want to record these great things while they are fresh on my mind. we are doing well at this house.

my mileage is almost up

i feel like all i do is blog about this bloated condition i find myself in but i only have another week of it so i will let it run the proper course here.

maybe common sense has taken over or maybe the whole forgetting about your last labor is no more true once you have successfully pushed three watermelons thru the lemon, but i have not forgotten the last labor. no sir. it was not fun. at all. and while we're on the subject, there is no fun in it, okay. don't get sentimental on a women in her 38th week. you are stuck to every beeping contraption the hospital owns, hooked up to all kinds of dripping apparatuses, and put into a shameful moo-moo for the greeting of your baby. like, hello fetus, i am your mother, like it or not this is what i am wearing. let us greet one another. and the whole thing is quite unfortunate until you hold that baby. then. well, let the sentiments flow. and then the stupid things one would say like, oh, let's not be done having babies husband, no, no, no. let's do it again, and again. okay? hold on wife, let's just enjoy this one okay.

one of the fabulous perks i am finding about this state of my swollen body is the fact that the empathy that flows from on lookers provides some what of a free pass. people take one look at the all or nothing belly and feel their pelvic bones shifting. this means they feel so sorry for your gimpy walk and condition, they bring you dinner BEFORE the baby is born. this has been quite wonderful, kind, and thoughtful from the sorrow filled onlookers. and folks, it's a site to see. all 22 pounds, right there, in the middle, hanging from my broken abdominal muscles. i also get a free pass on my mouth. for instance, yesterday i was observing that dashing red head of mine from the audience in church. he was perched up there on the stand, observing the congregation members. i noticed that his face was quite contorted and looked like he too might be having contractions. normally this is an observation i would keep to myself because who wants to be told they look like some body's skull is banging on their colon in a public setting. i contemplated this and figured i was pretty equal as far as looks at this point and since dignity flies out the door somewhere between the hospital moo-moo that will soon adorn me and the dignified straps i would be placed in, i asked him if he is in pain on the stand. was he also contracting. at first he looked hurt and then he concurred that his contorted facial problem could make for some great sunday dinner humor from the congregation. he said he would take note and possibly maybe we could work out a signal if he looks to be effacing or dilating from the stand.

also, how about being told that you can't do that because you're pregnant. well, if you only knew what i am going to have to do to get this thing out, i assure you folks, i am quite capable of most things in this condition. and that is my firm conclusion. i realize exactly what could be ahead of this mama. and this is why if i go past sunday, it will be the longest i have ever been pregnant. the doc has offered to start me and i am in no rush. i have to get serious about setting a date he says. the head is still floating around despite being transversed by the doctors hands. my abundant fluid is intoxicating to these babies, bumping, rushing, floating. their heads cannot stay down. engage baby, engage, i keep chanting to the unborn fetus which my sister has given the affectionate name of cletus the fetus. well, that was so funny i almost gave birth right then and there. cletus. oh, maybe it is only funny if you live in utah and grew up with an aunt vodice (which i always thought was a body part) or perhaps a grandpa rufus. cletus is not far off from most of our mormon heritage genealogy charts. maybe the day will come when baby cletus will be hip again. possibly deverl. i will stop now. i can feel the wincing.

so, here i sit as happy as a lark can be, because apparently a lark is quite happy.

update

things are quiet here as of late,

i mean as in no baby, which honestly, is a relief! i made it, i am technically considered "full term". all of the contracting and misery up to this point has made me so incredibly happy to be 37 weeks pregnant. in fact, at my last appointment, he told me i was good to go. i am dilated and ready to go. my blood pressure has been around 120 the entire pregnancy, mostly from worry i suppose. i was back down to my regular for me 100. the nineties are what i usually chart in at. i think it just goes to show that i am realizing what a miracle 3 healthy babies are and what a body goes thru for these heavenly miracles. and at this point, i can do anything for 3 more weeks, although technically he can induce me in 2 weeks because i have met the dilation requirements. the baby's head is not down where it should be all of the time but the doctor was able to manipulate it on the last visit. again, like the last one, this pregnancy has been met with a surplus of fluid. most surprising, this baby is measuring normal, which is about 37 cm. at this point with ella, i was measuring 44cm and had had her by this point. i am grateful for chubby cheeks and would much rather kiss on those all day, so bring forth a fatty fetus!





as for happenings of significance at this house, my little ella has kept things lively. i have never had a 4 year old to greet a baby at this house, only babies. i have a preschooler greeting this bundle, what joy! and a little sadness, it is insanity when you have a house full of babies but there is something to the busyness of it all that keeps me rolling. i am nearing the end of child bearing possibly and that brings a little sadness. it is a door i am not ready to close, sniff, sniff. open it shall stay.


back to ella's entertaining antics. she is quite sure that if it is a grill (girl) baby that we should name it isabel. a boy name has not been entertained until we recently disclosed the equal possibility that is could be a boy. she proudly announced one morning that if the fetus turns testosterone upon arrival, that "little boot" should suffice for a name. i of course thought that she meant "blue" as she has been smitten with the blue's clue's series on netflix lately. she reprimanded me multiple times and let me know that indeed, she was referring to a boot that goes on your soot (foot). little boot she insists. she also insisted that her littlest pet shop was named "pothead" in the middle of the doctor's waiting room 3 times in a hella voice. i was quite sure she meant spothead. you see, she has entered a phase in which i like to refer to as phonemic awareness. all my kids at the 3-4 age did it. suddenly the pairing of sp, st, anything complex gets dropped, leaving me to believe that the spotted dog she was playing with was not pot but spot. no, indeed, 3 shrill corrections in a room full of waiting patients let me know that indeed,pothead it was.



a word on surprises.
this pregnancy has been so incredibly exciting. usually with babies greeting my babies, i share only with scotty the excitement of it all. the kids are so incredibly helpful and filled with anticipation all of the time. our sweet kind easton is sure crossing his fingers to even the score. he is outnumbered and his kind and easygoing disposition makes me wish for 10 little eastons. the girls of course are hoping to rule and reign with another addition touting estrogen. i keep reminding them all that it will be a baby no matter the color it will wear. they still love, goo, and give way to bodily functions regardless of pink or blue. i highly recommend a surprise. highly, highly. and this is coming from the queen of impatience. it has been a wonderful ride.

upon the little boot revelation, grayce lou ignited the idea that boo radley would be a fine name for a male fetus. she is so honored by the admittance to the "to kill a mockingbird" club last year, that she is begging me to read the book and also integrate this story into every part of our lives possible. it is coming time to have our annual fall family festival where we will retrieve pumpkins, have the last picnic of the season, and watch "to kill a mockingbird". i have eagerly read the book twice last month in show of my appreciation for the season and the tradition. my mother cultivated a fine thing with this great tradition and i suggest it to all. it is a fabulous saturday filled with memories to get you to the next fall.





i am also contemplating painting another pumpkin on my belly. it seems the shape (worn out and broken from three previous tenants) is right. although, it won't be near as big as ella's pumpkin, it is a fun fall pregnancy picture for sure. here is a picture which i was reluctant to take. there are very few pictures i have with pregnancy, i don't love how distorted i feel during it, but appreciate the beauty of it afterwards. but at 37 weeks, here i be.

as you can see, the sag is evident. i can hold the belly and move it up and down which tends to be something of a freak show event. "move your belly" i get requests all of the time.

the nursery is getting some bead board and a ledge tomorrow. the crib has arrived, and mercy mild, a changing table! this is the first of our babies to have new anything. also, this baby has a nursery. my fourth and my firsts all in one. benjamin moore's coventry grey with yellow accents adorn the walls and as soon as my carpenter packs up tomorrow, i will unveil the workings of my brain. what a great time i have had doing a classic, neutral room.

so, here i sign off, a dilated, pumpkin incubator!