why...

i often post emotional things in this space has just been described by this lovely post HERE that i found thru her.

this topic has been on my mind as of late. sometimes i click on a blog or link, and think, you have so much story to tell, i wish you would tell it. i know you are going thru this or that and what a brilliant thing to tell. truth be told, maybe sometimes i divulge too much here. sometimes you leave thinking i would never say this or that and why on earth would she write that.

for me, well, it's therapeutic. when i write things about my mother heart and the house buying process that has been bend over backwards miserable until as of late, i write in the moment. i can't replicate those feelings or thoughts when they have passed. one day when my kids read these things in their adult years, i hope they feel a stronger connection to me as i share honestly what our life is like. good and bad. that is the game we play.

a few weekends ago i bumped into a friend from childhood and she mentioned she read my blog. i know a few of her cousins do too. instantly things running thru my head gave me a fright. like, oh mercy. lawsy mercy mild, their aunt, who is an english teacher, heaven help if she ever read this blog. i ran into her the next weekend. profusely apologizing for my grammar and spelling if she ever were to happen upon it. i don't write to be proper. i write to express, that means. sometimes my apostrophe's don't land in the "proper" place. my capitalizing goes by the way side because i get too excited by the thoughts begging to be written down. there, my apologetic plea to any english teachers or lovers that may peruse my ramblings.

my challenge is to write more. i need to more deeply fulfill my need to read real life, real women, real feelings, real monday nights that don't always entail laminated nephi handouts, sundays that end in feeling depleted inside and out, love notes from the tooth fairy that leave you and your lover in fits and fits of giggles in the hall way, and then - tears of pride for a toothless lady's sweet reality.

surely, you will feel better, more fulfilled and your loved ones will find a new found person unfolding on the pages, until the next heartfelt post......