the wonder a little time provides

i sat at the allergist office on tuesday full of curiosity and anticipation.  skin testing, they told me, was a part of the visit.  it was a visit for rowan.  i thought back to only six months previous, sitting in the same office with this tragically sick little boy.  we had been referred to the allergist by our pediatrician after a good amount of hives came after a small bite of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. that coupled with chronic diarrhea and covered in dry awful skin rashes he thought it would be a good idea to get some attention by a specialist.

the first day we went had been scheduled for months, and when it finally arrived, rowan was in the clutches of a miserable stomach bug.  he was dehydrated, tired, and miserable.  they sent me for blood work to determine how severe the allergies were. i was also given some great tips for the miserable eczema covering his body all the time. (1/2 c of table salt in the tub, who knew?!?!?!)  it was a visit that makes me cringe every time i think about it.

everyone around us was aware of his chronic misery.  someone referred us to a local chiropractor who dealt with food allergies, no adjustments, using the NAET system.  i was incredibly skeptical. so was my western medicine husband. so was my western medicine husband. so was my, well, you get the idea.  leaving the allergist's office that first day i was disheartened knowing that the blood work would do nothing but help us eliminate food.  a life of elimination. when we got the blood work back the allergies were so extensive that his diet was essentially fruit, vegetables, rice milk and meat. no wheat, milk, peanuts, eggs, pistachios, pine nuts, or soy.   i felt backed into a corner.  in desperation, i vowed to try this vodoo knowing it couldn't hurt.  i heard miracle stories with this system, people who were deathly allergic to peanuts now ate them everyday, ADHD suffers cured, celiacs no more.

we gave it a go.  it is rough, eliminating foods for 25 hours after being hooked to a napoleon dynamite time machine to tell what allergies you have.  amazingly, the test results the chiropractor gave me were the same as the results from the blood work.  for multiple visits, we went in for this crazy, hokey system.  crazy, hokey.  three times a week for months.

i am proud to report that after doing the skin tests yesterday, we were told my son could eat peanuts.  the skin test showed no measurable allergic reaction to anything his blood work showed.  nothing.  there were two small skiffs to peanuts and pine nuts.  nothing of note she said.  we are on a slow integration plan to reintroduce all of these things with an epi pen close by.  he is a different boy. six months ago, he was chronically miserable, bouts of diarrhea all day, bleeding and cracked eczema covering his body. he had no interest in food and trying to get him to drink was torture. his weight was falling off the charts and he was chronically sick.  today, his personality shines. he waves at strangers, makes his way to strangers benches during sacrament so visit, EATS THINGS CONTAINING MILK WITH NO STOMACH AGONY, snuck into his sisters room and ate a snickers with no trace of hives or breathing difficulties. has crackers without a bleeding, cracked rash. eats a scrambled egg without diarrhea for a week.

as i walked out of the office, not having to schedule another visit, i thought about what a difference 6 months makes.  i feel incredibly grateful that i took a chance on something out of the norm.  it has literally changed the way our family works and also, it has saved my sanity. i applied it to my own health, knowing that in six months, my life just might resemble normal and i got a tingly feeling inside.  after that little experience, i have re-evaluated all that i am doing to get better.  it seems like it is a ripple effect of things prescribed that are supposed to be helping my that are making my life miserable. the rod in my arm is supposed to help within 5-6 months, but then i started a visit from aunt flo that has lasted 5 weeks, courtesy of the nexplanon rod. so ibuprofen was recommended to help slow me down.  even though i warned that it wreaks havoc on my stomach no matter how much food i eat, i had to do that before they would give estrogen to slow me down.  the ibuprofen (200 mg) once daily killed me and now i am dealing with a miserable reflux stomach that causes some rotten nights and feeding times. once they finally gave me the estrogen, it has caused miserable migraine symptoms, all. the. time.  done. i am done.  i am going off all the garbage and listening to what my body tells me.  we get so involved in prescribing sometimes that it is forgotten how miserable the side effects can be.  and the anxiety. i can't even give sufficient credit to the anxiety.  scott was gone for three days on the pioneer trek with no cell phone service and i thought they were going to have to admit me.  the anxiety that all of the side effects are causing is putting me into a straight jacket, literally and figuratively.  it is rotten to live life wondering how sick you are going to be when you wake up.  and for the record, i have tried natural methods.  i have tried chiropractors, a natural hormone clinic, vitamins for regulation of hormones, natural thyroid booster.  i guess it takes time to get better and time is something i can do, i have no choice.!.

i have had multiple priesthood blessings and they all contain they same phrase about "time to heal" and "with time my body will return to normal".  time requires patience and patience recognizes gethsemane where this pain was already born.  this misery is an opportunity to make personal for me the most crucial moment in history, the atonement.  thru the atonement of jesus christ we are made whole.  it is a daily process that refines.  i am grateful for it, truly.  i have had to accept help with humility that i didn't know i possessed.  but sometimes, a body can't maintain 4 kids and go and get the milk and bread you have been out of for 5 days. you have to humble yourself and accept when someone able bodied can do it for you.  patience is a virtue and by darn, one that i am going to have whether i like it or not........

i love how strong we are

that was the first line in the card scott gave me this morning.

because i have been incredibly emotional lately, i had to take a few minutes to gather myself and read the rest of the card.  it was one of those cards that was written just for us.  it was very sweet and tender.  i have thought about these years we have spent together, taking life on.  what a wonderful ride we are one.  what challenges and opportunities we have faced.  i love that red head.  these last few months especially, have seemed to be incredibly challenging.  scott has been there for me and pulled the extra slack my poor health has left in its wake.  he is kind, patient and the best part about him is how easily he forgets.  while i'm not talking about the year he forgot our anniversary (i was never upset about it, we were moving across the country and he was on 48 hour OB/GYN rotations) i'm talking about what used to drive me nuts early on in our marriage that i have now come to appreciate.

early on in our marriage, he tried hard to pay attention to the 1,244,355 details i would give him on a daily basis that only a woman can give, but when asked for specific recall, he usually failed miserably.  he couldn't recall many details of childhood and often couldn't remember why so and so was bugging me because of the list of injustices they had caused me.  my immature self did not appreciate this angel like quality, yet i have always been drawn to his kindness and compassion to every person he meets.

this year i have realized to a great magnitude why our marriage works so well. it's because he forgets. he doesn't remember when i ruined dinner, or when i wasted money on something he saw as silly.  he doesn't remember when someone wronged him, or made a cruel joke at his expense.  he forgets when the kids act out and misbehave.  every second of his life is lived with this renewal, or better yet, a fresh start.  there are no bad things in his world. nothing bad that can't be forgotten and started fresh and clean.  how i admire and love that about him.  it has been such an anchor for me to watch and admire thru these many years. he lives life with no grudges and what a wonderful life he lives.

he has given me a large amount of optimism the past few months, never loosing sight of important things.  there have been many tears of frustration, exhaustion, and anxiety on my part, and he has been ever stalwart with kind hopeful words. how i love him. i love our life.  and when a man as good as that eyes a jeep for a very long time, why, you say happy anniversary dear!  and you watch with a thrill as he bounces around in his new (to him) jeep, dreaming of many summer nights with the top off and hair flying around.  i told him to throw practicality out the door, and for once, do something wonderful for himself.  while it took an awful lot of convincing, tonight, we are heading to a japanese fusion restaurant, riding in that jeep of his.  oh, how good it is to be married to a man who forgets...