on my way

i have issues with food. i love it, love it, i love it.

i do. but i also have discretion about it too. i have the desire to weigh myself everyday which proves daunting when you are on a mission to gain weight to accommodate a growing fetus. i have always weighed the same with each delivery. always. the only part i like about being pregnant in the summer, which i have done 4 times now, is that your summer eating is pretty healthy. with number 2 being born in december, i could definitely see how much harder it was to loose the weight after. it just stuck more. there was not a fest of summer fruits and vegetables during the most pound retaining part. no sir. it was full of turkey and christmas desires.

i feel nearly like a martyr with all the posts of indulgence on our vacation regarding food. but today when i went into the doctor's office. well, he had to "talk" to me about the large amount of weight i had gained the past month. i had gained almost as much this past month as i had the entire pregnancy. when i asked how much i had gained, he chuckled and told me 9 pounds.

9 fraggin pounds in one month. now, to my credit. 2 visits ago the scale boasted 6 pounds and he told me to watch it. last month 1 pound and they figured that their scales had been off. so this go around i promised him there was a vacation involved and i would eat watermelon the whole rest of the pregnancy and to check his scales. he reassured me that i was just fine and on track to gain my regular 30. but still. 9 pounds. i called scott up and told him to write me a note for a handi sticker, his wife was on her way to morbid obesity. my blood pressure was 120. 120. me. i am lucky to pull a 100. sometimes i would go in and it would be in the 90's. so 120 for me was as good as a stroke. let's pick out the casket already.

now these thoughts may seem incredibly irrational to any one's eyes reading this. but my phobia has been discovered. i have an intense fear of gaining weight. i have been there. i dieted all thru high school and beyond. there is no worse way to live that knowing you need to loose weight. really. for me the worry of what health problems i will have from gaining weight are enough to put my husband in the loony bin. like all afternoon, i have told him that i am sure i am one ice cream scoop away from diabetes, one dessert away from a stroke, one night away from severe sleep apnea. he is glad he is working late tonight, that can be sure.

the poor doctor. i told him he gave me a hot flash with the news and at first he laughed until he saw the tears in my eyes and my beet red face. he thought i was joking. he spent the rest of the time reassuring me that i am just fine, not to worry. 20 pounds of weight gain by 29 weeks is normal and regular, just don't do it again kind of thing. i told him i was fine with 20 pounds, but 9 of it in one month. oh lawsy. my blood pressure is spiking retelling the tale......