caution {religious references, proceed with caution}

this is forewarned with much caution that here will lie my sunday thoughts from today.

{you can't say you weren't warned}

last sunday i was at the hospital in the depths of sorrow watching the man i loved dearly fight for each breath, making one minute see like an hour. his alert eyes ever aware of everything going on, which...made it harder. there was staff talk outside his room, nonsense talk of getting a car here so we can carpool and such. when i walked into the room, death was imminent. it hung like thick smog without any hint of lifting. i felt like screaming, {hey, everyone, don't talk!} he is dying, let us prepare him by turning our talk to telling him we love him and shhhhh, for heaven's sake, it's sacred in here. but....
life needed to go on. certain things couldn't stop, the staff still had to eat dinner and we couldn't all go home in one car.

that's a lot like life i think.

here, we are on this earth, given this amazing experience to grow and gain knowledge. every second should be precious and we should knock off the dumb stuff like ever watching TV or yelling at the kids or being mad because "i just mopped the floor jimmy, don't come and show me those muddy paws......" you get the jest.

the biggest challenge in life is not letting the mandatory physical body stuff overtake why we are here....

in sunday school we talked about making time for the important things and prioritizing and i laughed inwardly, thinking, aren't we here to do the important stuff?

the gospel doctrine lesson was on the 2060 stripling warriors {in alma} and how glad i am that bill the dad and i had a discussion previously in the week concerning the same story. he had gone to a {man to man} night with my little brother and 5 women were asked to speak on the story and what advice they would give if it were their son that was the stripling warrior. one mom said, i would tell him to get behind the biggest person. my dad tearily said, i just buried the biggest person i stood behind.

what a great take on this story! i am sure all of those young boys were at varying levels of spirituality, some stronger that others. the ones who progress in life find those that are those they can look up to and learn from. what a great thing when we surround ourselves with good people who inspire us....

{you were warned}

the delivery.....

the night before the funeral dad asked me if i would read my tribute.
sure, and oh my, i felt honored. i mean, it was already written down, how hard could it be....

i printed that bad boy up and went in with high confidence that i could deliver the tribute.

{sure thing}

well, i forgot about ugly face that comes out unprovoked while mourning....

you know, the one where your face looks like you're seeing a horror movie with your lips all stretched out and your eyes spewing tears and your nose running like niagara.....

the emotions were so deep i fought with ugly face the whole time. i would gain composure, start to reading and then ugly face came to visit and with my nostrils flared and body juice dripping and flying from every orifice on my ugly face i wanted to go sit back down. then....

to top it all off, i didn't even think to wear water proof mascara. i got done reading my tribute looking like an electrically shocked nut case.....

honored dad let me take some of his speaking time at the funeral, but if i ever get asked to do anything of the sort again, i am taking a large projector and letting everyone read my words......i am a very unpolished speaking delivery woman. when i speak my words are all jumbled and fumbled and blah, blah . the mother brain has fried my tongue and talking mechanisms.......

{oh little jimmy}

my sweet gma helen.

i love her.

she is ever calm, ever stalwart and a magnificently beautiful woman.

she has enough posterity to fill up a cultural hall on a saturday eating meat and cheese platters. i have mentioned her humor before, but i shall do it again as long as she comes up with this stuff...

my little bud "e" has her heart. i mean, he captivates her attention. whenever she is around him, she says:
"why, hello little jimmy"{for full effect please read with a proper aussie accent}

bud "e" looks up at her with questioning eyes and sits a minute and then says, i'm not zimmy, i'm bud "E"!

"why, you're not little jimmy? i could have sworn that was your name"

then, he gets what's going on and says, "no, that's not my name." and he giggles and giggles.

she tells us, now i love all the grand kids and great grand kids the same, the very same. but that little bud "e", oh, his little face. i mean look at his sweet little face.

love letters from h.mac

i never write the ones {i heart truly} letters as much as i should. this is sad, don't you think?

you can call me silly, but i do love the way certain people influence who i am, how i think and what i aspire to be.

this weeks is bill the dad. he is wonderful and mostly he has been on my mind a lot because of the passing of gpa pete. he was so solid thru the hard time. i know it can't be easy to bury the one who is responsible for the majority of your goodness and life's lessons.

he left me the sweetest comment in my post to g. pete and it really touched me.

dear bill the dad,

i think you are tops. i love your passion and excitement for life.

i.love.you.

i love how you eat the food i make and tell me how good it is, that makes me happy.

i love how you shook that dorky football players hand who dated me once and threatened him with his life if he didn't have me home by 10:30.

i love that you once got a shot gun out to chase a pesky boy from my bedroom window.

i love the occasional dropping by of cinnamon rolls on a sunday morning that you offer up with a, {shhhh, don't tell anyone your dad bakes.}

i love that the love you give my kids makes them feel they can conquer hard things in this life.

i love that you love the gospel and work ever so hard to maintain the standards without putting on airs.

mostly, the thing i love about you is:
how you love my mother. it's the best gift you've given to me. it made me feel secure when times were tough, happy when all the world was sad, and mostly, proud when i knew s.mac was the caliber of man you taught me i deserve.

you are a diamond in the rough and i love you for it....

much love,

h.mac

winds of love on life

2nd grade looks so good on her,

but, when she tells me about the playground kiss behind the bushes,
i get understandably nervous.......

mom, phillip asked me if someone kissed the boy i like, would i beat her up.
i totally told them i would because i do like josh.
{me picking my jaw off the floor at this point wondering which virtue to insert here}

honey, did you beat someone up?

no, mom, i just TOLD them i was going to, i was in a dress...gosh....

well, honey, ahem.....YOU weren't kissing on the lips on the playground, RIGHT?

no, mom, i won't do that. you already talked to me about this remember.

well, HONEY........
{inclusive topics covered were: dating at 16, finding other things to love besides boys, no fighting EVER, EVER. }

so, winds of love, how was your first day of second grade?
mom, it was perfect...

aahhh, the fight for a good teacher was worth every ounce of energy and surely worth the grin on her face.....

they would laugh....

this song playing, you know the one you secretly wanted to perform for the ward talent show, well....

we would play this for grandma and grandpa and sing it to them and...

they would laugh and laugh. it was instant laughter. i think we even bought them the cassette and i can almost bet it is in their music stash right now...

and guess what? they are having a wonderful anniversary as of 9:02 a.m..........

{tender...}

i have never written him a {tender} letter in my adult years to tell him how much love he fills me with.....

the other night i kissed his sweet forehead repeatedly, trying to inhale the downy he always smells of, taking in that soft sweet skin and at the same time squeezing his hand and telling him i love him. i hope he knows in those moments we shared, likely our last, how much his love has made me better....

always in his dapper hat when he goes out. i love seeing him around town with his hat on or more excitedly when he would come to visit. i loved the feather that was always sure to adorn a plaid going out hat..... it was his signature.


every part of me feels tender today....

i hope he knows that i loved his garden. snatching up rhubarb on a sunday evening visit, doused in sugar always made my summer complete. picking the peas, digging for potatoes and pulling carrots, devouring the tomatoes - all the best part of going to grandpas. sitting on the patio with him in his usual lounge chair, right at the helm of the action.

sleep overs were of particular excitement. surely all of the stops were pulled out. most routinely we would stop by the bank to withdraw money and he would give us a calendar from the bank. then, off to the store to buy the goods for the special days. usually a toy of choice and a treat. the mornings were filled with routine and pancakes made by grandma, buttered with pure granulated sugar and then rolled. it was the best, mom didn't let us do that at home....
on special occasions they would bring out the movie projector and we would look at slides of my dads mischievous childhood. always loved hearing those recollections, each time getting better and more exciting. we could almost always finish the story of when dad and his brothers made an army submarine out of the shed and had to call grandpa mr. m as punishment.

he loved his norma...

i only ever knew a retired grandpa and grandma. always together and really, i loved mornings at their house. the smells, the routines. the sun shone so perfectly in that kitchen. i knew every treat drawer, every sundae dish and every cupboard and its contents. we loved to scope out the cedar chest grandma won and i loved finding the locks of her childhood pony tail and finding the picture to match. tell us the story we would always ask...

forever etched in my mind is grandpas art table in the all purpose room in the basement. his beautiful sketches and paintings of western scenes and horses.

his tricks were the best part. always teasing us that he lost his 2 fingers deep in his nose, too much picking he told us. {he really lost his fingers as a kid in the washing machine} his false teeth would always come out at just the right time to gather giggles for a year. he would run, run, run and run after us leaving every visit, trying to outrun the car. every visit would entail us begging, pleading with him, please grandpa pete, please chase our car when we leave. grandma norma scolding, no pete, you're going to get hurt chasing the car like that. we knew grandpa would do it anyway, although he would pretend he wasn't going to to keep grandma happy, then...
just as we would pull away- off he went, we could always see grandma's arms fly up in the air and see her yelling at him, then dad would step on the gas and we would fall into pieces reliving and giggling at what had just happened.

his birthday was always the summer crowning glory. august 30, either school had just begun or was going to. it always meant a large family picture would be taken and the clothes were always clean and crisp. refrigerator cake and ice cream always, always....

when grandma died, so did the "oh pete". he was always teasing the kids, getting us going and rough housing until we peed or cried. oh pete, don't you get those kids going like that, now stop it. he always tried to tell that joke or story she would have to end appropriately with "oh, pete". i loved their dialogue their banter and their tender love. they did love to be at home, together. his and hers recliners downstairs with appropriate blankets draped over the back of the chair. whenever we would visit on a weeknight we would have to knock twice so they could hear us downstairs, sometimes even knock on the basement window so they would surely know they had eager kids ready for their attention....how i've missed hearing the "oh pete" these past 2 years. so did grandpa. in fact, he send mountain man brother a bikini lady card for his birthday last year and i could hear the "oh pete" from the grave. he has been so lost without her, as tough as he is my heart has hurt to look at him since she left us.....

his eyes are a little blank and empty, his full of life shoulders have been slumping and i know every ounce of him has missed her desperately. my sister brought home some house dresses of grandmas tonight and that smell...i had forgot until i smelled it tonight how signature it was for her, something by avon mixed with downy. it was too much, the lump rose in my throat and the tears won't stop....

i know he's ready, i can feel grandma's relief knowing she will see him soon. just maybe they will have the best anniversary date ever on monday.

i hope in those last kisses we shared he knows my throat was far to lumpy to tell him everything i needed to....

as a kid i always thought my grandpa was for sure going to be called to be a general authority at the next general conference....he was so pristine in that black suit, making the gospel the biggest part of his life. i remember him being called to the stake presidency and elder boyd k. packer setting him a part. it was a very impressionable moment. always, always were grandma and grandpa living the gospel. it was so important to them. lil sis said tonight that his home teachers were visiting the hospital and in between the labored breathing and removing the oxygen he was telling them how much the gospel meant to him......

i'll take that forever, his last days telling me in the hospital that his and grandmas posterity was all they could leave on this earth and they were both so proud....

we'll all be mourning this {tender} time here............

{winds of love and birthday wishes}

the day started out early to the local supermarket to buy 22 balloons. the brightest, most lovely ones they had. when all bazillion of her friends came that morning for breakfast in the park, i had a marker ready to write a birthday wish for {winds of love} handy.

the release of these bright things brought great joy to my eyes. {we had a camera situation and i cannot locate the pics unfortunately} they were lovely, the kids all lined up, watching with wonder and amazement these things floating higher and higher with the words: happy day, presents and other various 7 year old wishes written on the balloons for her.

we then loaded up the kids and food and headed to the mountains for seclusion, wood chips and towering pines perfectly shading every last ounce of playground equipment. it was truly a marvelous time.....

here she is, 7 years old candy necklace and all....


the hood worn all day imitating the disney fluesy miss vanessa {dang them} but the beautiful curls, lovely eyes and excitement took me back 7 years ago {really?}. it was one of the most touching days of my life. her birth was trauma free, the nurse even got emotional. no pain, no screaming from me, so simple and easy that we could feel the magnitude of her little spirit entering the room. it was such a pivotal experience for me, i do love every last spec of her.

one of the great highlights of her day was being able to break the news of an upcoming wedding over dinner. she had the privilege of announcing the forth coming marriage of these two lovelies that flew all the way from the great white north...



{i am still working on character names for these two......}

happy birthday sis, you make my life!

prayers for nie nie

when you enter this world of blogging you come across connections that you wouldn't have the chance to normally.

i know many of you follow nie nie and mr. nelson, i have kept a prayer in my heart for their family in wake of their recent tragedy.....


i can't imagine...

{on that note}

i have given longer kisses, inhaled baby smells longer and worked on not being so dadgum impatient with the little ones...

and

tomorrow

on "winds of love" birthday, we are releasing wishing balloons...
{read c janes blog to learn about our new family tradition}

being goosed on the sabbath.....

"hella" makes me look cool often and if she were the first child i would be in a puddle on the floor all melted from red cheeks, instead...

i laugh.

dropping her off to the nursery in church can be sticky. new leaders that she's not sure about caused her to bury her head into my hiney in my knee length dress. putting her little head, nuzzling it right up my haunches, causing me to talk in a high pitched voice.
trying to keep my wrap dress from giving onlookers a blushing face i was falling to pieces in giggles.

{ i do it often.....its how i cope}

she wouldn't leave my hiney, wouldn't not for the mention of gum or dollies. all hiding in my exit. i was on my tippy toes trying to escape her head and her arms wrapped around my legs made the task no easier. finally. walking 3 inches above onlookers on my tippy toes we exited the nursery to find s.mac. gracing the halls with our circus act, how classy i kept thinking....

worked like a charm, she walked right into the nursery with s.mac on her hand.....

she must know the smells that come from his hiney.....{hehehe}

{hella}

this name is subject to change, and mercy me i hope we just might one day modify, but for now the "redhead" is {hella},

heaven help me....

if it weren't for the eternal kisses inbetween the screaming and pointing, i might not make it thru some days, true story.

{bud "e"}

is my sweet, often quiet, ever cautious and always banged up around his mouth, boy.

it's true, always a shriek from the bloody lips of his. his head ever heavy falls onto every hard surface we come across......

nevertheless....

love him and his cuddly{ness}, quiet manners and "good"ness always minding disposition...


from here on out, he will be {bud "e"}

{winds of love}

is my beautiful, breath taking creation. i do love her endlessly: every quirky phrase, silly guesture and sweet loves.

she will forever here be known as {winds of love}

as per her first love from the 1st grade who wrote her a poem revealing his true feelings:

the winds of love blow thru my heart,
i depend on you all day i dare say....


yes, yes, me too!

i'm h.mac

me, mother, honey and lover of:


food.


familia.

{and}

s.mac


together we make {shmac}

ahem...

clearing my mind and returning to my blog thoughts thrills every ounce of me.

welcome to my "10 minute" blog, here you will find anything i just might tell you if we were to chat for 10 minutes. i figure that way we can eliminate the creeps and protect our innocence.