i'm h. mac

a few items of note...

2012-01-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

i have been reluctant to finish the recap on the trip to NYC because i don't want it to be over. i kind of like having something to hang on to. but then i have a bunch of useless/interesting facts that i need to blog about.

even tho the weather is warm, we have gladly held the sick and afflicted torch high. someone is always down with something. i am pretty sure rowan had chicken pox a few weeks ago, but he also has been covered in molluscum since we went to the magic kingdom last march, so i passed it off as another brutal attack of this wart family virus that lasts up to 18 months. as i talked to the doctor today, he confirmed, it probably was the pox. he has had every little thing the kids have had, plus we have discovered allergies to nuts and dairy. yay for me. we get to make a visit to primary children's at the end of the month. it took us six weeks of crying it out at nights to sleep train him(we go in at 5,10,15, and 20 minute intervals as suggested by our pediatrician). my pediatrician said we both deserved large medals. he also reassured me that although his weight has dipped significantly, there is plenty of fat to keep the worry at bay.

{this is my baby sporting his love of candy canes}

ella marched down the stairs rather sluggishly this morning and announced that she was sick. when i asked what was wrong, she said she felt like an old lady. that would indeed give merit to body aches.

i have a sinus something or other without any runny nose. i am dizzy as can be with pains in my sinuses. i do the netti pot and find some relief. it is so strange.

easton turned the ripe age of eight a few weeks ago. he is going to be baptized saturday and also went to his first boy scout meeting. i have never seen a boy so proud of a bird feeder. he also got sick halfway thru his birthday party. he decided every friend within a 10 mile radius should come cheer for the wildcats with him. after all, they are sporting the number one point guard in college ball in the nation. we feel lucky to have season tickets, go WSU. anyway, halfway thru a piece of pizza he was sure he was going to loose that piece to the dreaded and much circulated stomach bug. good news, it was over after a day of body aches and NO vomit. happy birthday buddy.

also, rowan has thrush and easton fell down the stairs the other day. the all wood stairs that scott fell down last year and i laughed myself into a vomiting fit. i did not laugh at easton. and grayce was home today with an achy something or other that i am sure we will recycle 4 or 5 times before valentines day.

the good part about being a mother now for ten years is that i get to enjoy this refining fire. vomit doesn't put the fear of god into me like it used to. it's part of this stage of life. it's going to happen. ella has needed only one round of oral steroids,breathing treatments, antibiotics this season. compare that to four years ago when it was EVERY SINGLE MONTH and i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. the end of the tunnel has tulips, and sunshine.

there you have it. a post of useless/interesting information about our winter cold/flu season.

day three, just when you thought i forgot...

2011-12-29T21:05:00.000-08:00

day three was filled with sleeping as our late night meatballs kept us out for two days technically. i was bound and determined to eat at the clinton street bakery this day and have blueberry pancakes. determined. it started off by some wrong subway stops on my part, and then the lazy afternoon got the better of us. we couldn't hail a cab if our lives depended on it and so, we decided that a cuban sandwich and corn elote was just what we needed. this meal took us thru the most quaint parts of SOHO. it was full of street fairs and beautiful shops. the walk would have been better with full bellies, BUT the first bite was worth it. i have never had corn like that. i don't know what kind of corn they used but it was meaty and had such a deep flavor. the cuban sandwich was other planet fall apart in your mouth. as you can see below, we opted for the walk up window at cafe habana as the wait in the shop was crazy. we found ourselves a small bench and made enough nummy noises to turn your cheeks red. oh.momma. don't miss this place. it was so so amazing. shout out to my friend erin who insisted that we go here.

i never wondered one spec about it until i saw it. where do you get gas in the big apple? everyone goes here apparently. it was the only gas station i saw in the heart of the city.

this was at a lego shop at the rock. every little round pod was filled with a different color of lego. easton would have wet hit pants on upon entry.

this iconic figure is so pretty at night!

right outside of the lego shop we saw this beautiful lettuce. like i took 50 pictures pretty. i instantly thought of emily ballard. maybe sonora grill could have this as a plant stand outside the restaurant in the summer eh?

while riding on the subway uptown, there was an older woman and her niece that kept pointing and whispering. they finally approached me and told me i looked like julianna margulies. being a proud ER viewer for years, i was highly complimented, and then highly humored. she has some nappy curly hair. this further supports my claim of my hair getting bigger and bigger with each passing hour in this humidity hubble. the cute pair pointed us in the direction of the american doll store. after the lettuce watching, we headed over to the doll store and fell in love. it was story upon story of every doll detail you could imagine. angela was in heaven and talked mindy into buying a doll for her daughter. it was so fun.this day was our most mild in the city. the walk thru soho was my favorite and that food. the corn and sandwich top my to do again before i die list.

day two

2011-11-01T20:00:00.001-07:00

after seeing what a few hours in the big city will do to you, we decided to take before and after pictures. this is our before. mindy and i on the left and taleese and angela on the right.

this was on our train ride in, it was a perfect foggy, rainy, humid new york day and it was our longest day in the city. we left around elevenish and didn't roll in until three a.m. shh, don't tell my mutha.

our first destination was set at the shake shack. after being on the bandwagon of burgers for a while, i was quite curious to see how it compared to in and out or five guys. it was kind of in a class of its own folks. the bun was awesome. nice and chewy, toasted, and the meat was like butta. it melted in your mouth. i got the seasonal flavor of concrete shake which was the chocolate, coconut,nuts something or other sinful and oh mamma. it was so divine. the humidity was so intense that day it triggered something funky in my lens and i was having a hard time with the auto focus, let that be a warning for the fuzz.
we went to the flat iron district to eat as we felt it was appropriate as that is where the infamy of the shake shack began. it was a good 45 minute wait but completely worth it.

the picture above on the left is where we caught our cab to go see the torch of freedom. we met up with a classy cab driver that was majoring in micro biology hoping to pursue a phd. the cabby's were one of the highlights of the trip. this one told us of his family coming from the middle east to live here and how he has driven cabs for 7 years. he told us how he is working on a book called "crown victoria" that would catalogue all of his adventures in his yellow wheels. at this point taleese developed some questions she liked to ask all of our drivers. have you ever had a gun pulled on you? what is the craziest thing you have ever seen? how long have you been driving cabs? how long have you lived in america.? most cabby's had never heard of utah. they didn't even know if it was in the US.

after that pleasant cab drive we found ourselves at battery park ready to view the statue.

i warned the nyc virgins that lady liberty could be quite disappointing. it wasn't a large towering figure tv makes it out to be. like in this picture below, it kind of proves the point that it could easily be missed.

it gets a wee bit better in the second picture but for whatever reason, we only ended up paying homage for five minutes. we were easily distracted and ventured up to ground zero next. the first time i was at ground zero, they were still cleaning up. it was in 2004 and everything was still quite fresh. because occupy wallstreet was only a few blocks away, ground zero was completely in tarps (streets and all) because protesters were threatening to occupy the park there citing lack of TV coverage. (seriously?) it was another disappointing thing because NOTHING could be seen. we meandered over to the craziness of the protest and were really unimpressed. the gathering was not worth all the attention it garnered to say nothing of the purpose. stupidity.

we then entered the subway with throngs of other people as we were getting a taste of NYC rain. there was a huge line to buy an MTA card, and we were stuffed underground like sardines. the trip was hitting a bit of a prozac moment but once we got on that subway all was well.

from wallstreet we hit canal street and little italy. because of the rain, canal street was a ghost town (can you imagine?) we didn't get snagged by one single asian to buy prada, gucchi, dolce cabana. we DID however make time to take a bite of a cannoli in little italy. it was so fantastic and i can still taste that sweet marscapone and ricotta cheese in that crackling chocolate shell!

we headed to FAO schwartz and seeing all of the candy made peace with the world again. i love FAO schwartz. it is in a great part of town and makes you feel about 5 years old again.

we wandered 5th avenue for a while and i introduced the girls to H&M. we strolled around a bit and then felt the panic of a tourist as we realized we hadn't used the bathroom and not every store has a facility. we were directed to bloomingdales, and oh, honey. i have never had a retail experience like that. i can't give it justice to walk in to hundreds of sales people trying to sell you a purse for $10,000, or sunglasses for $5,000. it was wild. we finally accomplished our bathroom mission after 4 flights of stairs and two lovely bathroom attendants who directed us to some beautiful potties. i mean purdy. they had some lovely couches that we rested on. we found ourselves in quite the pickle as we sat down next to a sleeping homeless woman. she was aged with a large brimmed black sun hat, bright red lipstick, and her little cart. we noticed that she had a hospital band on but that was quickly forgotten as she snored so loud it could have brought the four levels down to dust. she would go quite some time in between breaths, and we had to pry nurse taleese from taking her pulse. taleese assured us that we were witnessing death right then and there in bloomingdale's in the fancy bathroom with attendants. i am a little ashamed to say i took a picture of her. it was quite the scene, i won't post it but i won't soon forget it. so so sad.

while we headed out to the gershwin theater, magnolia bakery caught our eye. it was not on our list of treats or bakeries to visit as we had been assured there were much better cupcakes to be had, but there was no line. good thing we caught something because we didn't end up visiting any other bakery. too many choices and not enough belly space.

magnolia bakery was okay. it was a five minute wait cupcake and i wouldn't have waited a second more for it without feeling jipped.

the highlight of our day was going to see WICKED. i opted for some cheap seats labeled "obstructed" and we scored a pretty awesome view by taking that chance. it was on the end of the isle, but on the floor. it was such an amazing production. the music, the people. it made my heart ache for grayce as i know she would have been smitten. one day i will get her there in the theater district and we will view to our hearts content!

after the theater we hit times square and i am amazed how this city never sleeps. at right around eleven o'clock that place was more alive then most towns at noon. we decided that we were hungry and we NEEDED meatballs. off to the meatball shop we headed. well, it was the meatball that almost never happened. it took us a ridiculous amount of time to hail the cab and by the time we did we scored a lovely toyota sienna minivan. this was likely the craziest cab ride we took. i found that the art to calmly arriving to your destination without heart failure was to not look out your window. that wasn't hard as these crazies drive 90 miles and hour and you really can't see a darn thing anyway. but, as taleese and i were both looking out the window at the truck that almost killed us, our heads ended up slamming the seat in front of us. unfortunately mine was plexiglass. the driver stopped and turned around making sure my body was still attached. lucky for me the adrenaline was flowing so freely i could only laugh hysterically about my near death experience. we finally arrived at the meatball shop and found that at midnight the wait was forty five minutes. we did what any other respectable mormon girls would do and bellied up to the bar to drink some water where there was no wait. i am sure that thrilled the bartender to have four temple recommends sitting across from him. we assured him that water drinkers tipped just as well as the drunks next to us and we only needed meatballs.
taleese here is trying to tell you how off the hook her dish was. she made friends with a dishwasher on his break and got a tip about the best dish. all i know is that i couldn't keep my fork off her plate. it was some creamy noodle with a large meatball the size of my bruised head. it was crazy good.

our cab ride to grand central was down right crazy. this guy was telling us all about how to cheat the housing authority and how you should work less so you don't have to pay more rent. we told him to go on down to the occupy wall street movement there and belly up, he would be in good company.

these are our after pictures. at two in the morning i'd say we held up well. mindy was only just beginning for the day. (she thrives at night).

i on the other hand was out of my darn mind and convinced them to take a picture of my steve tyler face. if i ever have my nose done and my face lifted, this is what i will look like.

my theme song for new york was "elvira". as the humidity grew, so did my hair. i just kept on hearing the words and the "ba boom bop" over and over in my head.

nyc baby. day one.

2011-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

i decided after my august learning circle discussion that i was going on a trip to my favorite place at my favorite time of year. i gathered some willing participants and took off. the baby weaned right in time and scott was ecstatic to take a few days off to plug in to our home life (that is not sarcastic). he doesn't get to be fully submerged with all of his obligations and he may have enjoyed his time at home as much as i enjoyed my trip.

it started off with a red eye flight to the big city. my whole goal was to be able to sleep a little on the flight as i was the driver for the trip. with my back injury it was downright miserable and i DONT recommend the red eye. it plays with your body for weeks. and that is why we look so silly by breakfast.

we found a charming cafe in poundridge, CT called blind charlies. it was delicious but i have to say that you should never ask a waitress that weighs eighty pounds if she thinks the a breakfast plate is big enough to share. taleese and i decided the description of the large breakfast plate would fill both our bellies as did the eighty pounder. when it came out we all broke into fits of giggles. mingled with no sleep, we were so delirious that this only added. we each got half of one french toast, a pencil thin parcel of bacon, and 2 potato pancakes that were the size of quarters. somehow that triggered jokes of enormous proportions that lead to us saying things like "meow". to make matters worse, in the restaurant were a older group of ladies wearing pearls having a ladies meeting of some sort. i can't believe we didn't get kicked out. at one point we had to look down and not look at one another to get thru the meal. it was the dry heaving, bodily fluids shooting out laughing. it was only a hint of the laughing we were about to do for the next five days. we had a charming country drive but shackled with the delirium of no sleep we begged for an early check in a slept for a while before we attempted the big city.

angela taking one for the short people of the world and including a funny face . all of the shots we got of her were hilarious.

we stayed in stamford and took the train in everyday. the train ride in proved to be one of our favorite parts of the trip. we were able to people watch, eaves drop, and feel like true new yorkers. for selfish purposes i wanted the first view angela and taleese had of the city to be grand central station.

it is so surreal and so magnificent.

(left to right - angela, mindy, taleese)

we got a true new yorker experience to view times square: night time, foggy, humid, and stinky. i love NYC.

this below is our first taxi ride of the trip. it was wild. we took it to the ever famous grimaldi's across the brooklyn bridge.

i was able to introduce the gals to antipasto, real mozzarella, and tomato pie. it was so heavenly. and believe it or not, we walked right in. we had some wicked good luck on this trip. we ordered a calzone and couldn't finish it, so taleese there offered it to the fellas sitting next to us (the were total new yorkers). when they declined, she asked if we could finish their antipasto. you can imagine the giggles.

i tried to google, research, find every good food option possible. while watching a bit about brooklyn, i heard of a place called brooklyn ice cream factory. my friend jason, a born and raised new yorker, also recommended getting ice cream while viewing the bridge. we shared a banana split and i think the butter pecan ice cream rocked my world. we had fudge, caramel, and syrup soaked walnuts. i was so smitten.

as evidenced above, we had great need to walk. we sauntered across the walking path on the brooklyn bridge and were enthralled with the amazing city line. some of us (taleese excluded) admired the statue of liberty. somehow taleese missed our conversation about that and it took her four days to realize what she was looking at :)

we decided to call it a day and took a cab back to grand central. i loved this misty shot of the beautiful building.

the power

2011-10-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

in may i was invited to be a part of a learning circle. i have been meaning to blog about this for a while now because it has been such a positive thing in my life.

my connection to it is: scott was friends with steve in high school. i went to elementary school with steve. steve married emily. emily's sister in law is my good friend and neighbor angela. angela found out that saren, one of the co-founders of the power of moms was moving into emily's neighborhood. saren encouraged emily to start a learning circle and by all of those magnificent connections, somehow i got the opportunity to be involved in this learning circle.

the concept is that a group of women are invited by a circle leader to participate in a monthly discussion pertaining to values that support motherhood. anyone can sign up to be a circle leader if they are inclined to and feel like they have a diverse group of women that would participate. it is an amazing experience.

co founders saren and april have a website here (the power of moms) that write articles daily from different authors supporting the months theme. there is a specific essay for the month that is read by all members of the learning circle and discussed at the monthly meeting. ideally a group will have 6-10 members. this offers a cozy number of people to glean good motherhood bits from.

this has been a life changing opportunity for me to decide how i mother. sometimes the thick of thin things get in the way of deliberate parenting. i will have moments of evaluation and think, when am i going to get to all the fun memories i want to make with my kids. or, when will i teach my kids everything i want to. or, when will my house ever be functional and clean. i can say that every month the topic has spoken to my heart and i have been able to change things i have been doing to be more, period. sometimes life gets hard, and the thick of thin things as a parent are challenging. the more kids that you have, the more monumental getting 6 people in the car can be. sometimes life is felt to be something that needs great accomplishment associated with it and as a mother it can be a little trite when our major goal achieved for the day was a smooth breakfast routine, or all kids getting to bed on time and staying asleep for 6 hours at once. suffice it to say, this group has helped me immensely putting purpose to motherhood.

this is for myself when i reread and remember, but i want to scribe a couple of things that have been monumental for me each month.

may: i read this article and loved the thought: you've made your bed, it's time to lay in it, even though it's often lumpy. honestly, this article pulled my head out of the post partum clouds and helped me own things better, putting more intent into my life. i can honestly say this was the most powerful month for me. i have never looked back and have not had those moments of poor me since. this is MY life, and it all amounts to my choices, own them and be proud.

june: i can defy gravity and accomplish lots of things. if you can do it in two minutes or under, DON'T PUT IT OFF. this one simple rule lead to an entire month brimming with productivity and crossing things off my list. it was so empowering!

july: retirement moments for me are so necessary. it is important for me when the house is bustling and overwhelming to picture what our home will feel like in 25 years when the kids are independent, and making noise somewhere else. it is a two sided appreciation for me. one: my husband will look so good in coveralls trimming bushes and eating lunch with me. two: i will miss this bustle. i have so many opportunities to soak in the stage of life i am in and often those can be missed by the sheer exhaustion parenthood brings. to appreciate my stage more, it often meant going in after the kids were sleeping, grabbing their little hands in mine and thinking of all the good things that are going on RIGHT NOW with them. i appreciated all of their little quirks and joys and often left their bedrooms with tears of gratitude instead of exhaustion at days end.

august: self nourishment is essential. i have lacked severely in this category. do not fill my stores when they are low, rather, keep them brimming. i have been eating three meals a day, sometimes before my kids if i feel lightheaded. also. i decided at this meeting that i was going on a trip to nyc for five days with friends ( i always used to judge women who did this. now i see the necessity of filling one's stores). it was a milestone for me.

september: cleaning with kids is essential. they do not come knowing how to clean. teaching and working along with them makes cleaning about building relationships. what a key concept. i am working on a master cleaning plan for our family that helps nurture relationship building activities. we talked about this for our last family home evening and everyone is on board as soon as we stop puking.

there are things that come along in life that we can look back upon and see as turning points in how we live and why life only gets better. this for me has been monumental and i highly encourage anyone with 6-10 women they look up to to start a learning circle!!! it is rich and wonderful and for me has been that "parenting manual"we all wish we had access to.

in case you missed it, here is the link to the power of moms website. it is free to read the daily articles supporting the months theme and essay, and $20 to join for the year.

(you can email me with any questions)

tis the season

2011-10-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

last thursday i got a call from easton at school.
"mom, i 'm sick. can you come get me?"

just like that i was in the car off to the school. he looked white as a ghost when i got to the office. i checked him out and asked what happened. he said his teacher asked him if he felt sick and he told her no. he said the butterflies were so tiny. she insisted he go home as he was the color of milk. on his way to the office he made a stop at the bathroom and his lunch was given up. he was fine eating and back to regular that night. so when i received an invite to go on this outing, i was thrilled as the temperature was projected to be in the nineties.

by the next morning he was writhing in pain. scott was out of town and so i called him to get an appendicitis checklist so i could be sure to watch easton closely. he is not a complainer and his pain had me worried. we had to forgo the last day of summer outing regretfully.

the next day was grayce's big day to sing in general conference. she was so excited. she had battled a miserable cold/stomach virus for 3 weeks and had to go to one of the practices with a barf bag. if you missed one practice, you were out. she worked so hard to be a part of the children's choir, including going to practice on her birthday, giving up evening celebrations. so when the notion was suggested to me about the possibility of grayce getting easton's belly ache and having to miss the performance, i started to pray intently that she would not miss this opportunity. easton threw up a couple of times and by saturday night we thought all was well. grayce got to sing, and did a great job! we were off to the greenery to celebrate grayce's singing triumph when easton started again to writhe. he said he was fine to go anyway and halfway thru the meal he and i had to high tail it to the car so he could wail in private. sunday morning about 1 am we were awakened to feet racing to the bathroom. grayce was spared from saturday but not sunday. after throwing up at least 40 times she had the look of death. sunken eyes, pale skin, and misery written all over her face. By tuesday all were feeling well and i thought we had been spared the worst of it. grayce was planning on going to school wednesday and i was ready to be back to normal, vomit free.

tuesday night i started in with the agonizing perils of the flu and by 1 o'clock grayce was back in the bathroom begging for mercy. ella joined in at three and the next 24 hours became a survival game. after one particular episode with some violent vomiting on my part, i noticed that my foot had gone numb. being delirious by 2 a.m. i started thinking i was going to be paralyzed by sunrise. my head was spinning and i was in the clutches of being on the run every 10 minutes completely freaking out. i sobbed for scott to give me a blessing so i didn't end up in a straight jacket from delirium and worry. my foot continued to stay numb and then came the back pain. apparently when i was "so sick" the weak disc in my back most likely herniated. it added to the stress of being sick and also the worry set in as i am headed for a 7 hour plane ride next week. anyone who has had the misfortune of back pain knows that sitting is the hardest part. it feels like someone is constantly pulling on your legs, butt, and the throbbing with hot and cold flashing up your legs is down right pitiful. scott was able to call in sick (bless his surgeons heart, i heart the kind surgeon who employs us. his last surgeon ridiculed him relentlessly when he called in sick once because of 4 barfing family members he wanted to help out with) and take care of the sick and afflicted. my gracious and kind mother in law took rowan the next day so i didn't have to lift him furthering the damage to my disc. my family came to our aid with a giant bucket of soup.

scott went to work thursday (day 8 of affliction) and came home early to take care of ella and i. thursday night we retired to bed early only to be awoken after an hour by a miserable baby throwing up every ten minutes. screaming.bloody.murder. scott joined in an hour later (and yes, he had a flu shot this year) and we are officially the most pitiful family around. 6 for 6. and one of the unfortunate thoughts that came into my pessimistic mind was, you brought all these people into this world, do you really want to bring more into this yearly event. i blame that thought on the devil for surely i am not done bearing babies.

today is saturday and i have been sitting in a chair for almost an hour, this is a major accomplishment for my poor back. i can finally hold down some food so a steroid pack has been ordered to see if the shrinking of the herniation will help with the pain. i can't wait for the MRI in which i declare the reason for a visit: an episode of violent vomiting.

people are so kind when they hear of incapacitating events such as this past week. my kind, sweet, dear next door neighbors played perfectly the loving grandparent role when they heard of our predicament. turkey vegetable soup, rolls, fresh peaches, and an amazing cold gel pack for my back. it is times where you are in humble circumstances that you get to count your blessings. i am really glad that every other year or so we have something like this happen. we bond, we are kinder to one another, and sometimes there is no other choice but to lay and be sick despite a long to do list. i can't recall the last time i was in pajamas for days, took a morning nap, and let others bring me food. sometimes it is good for the soul to realize you don't have to push yourself beyond reasonable limits when others can make up the difference for you. we are better for this insane 10 days. and look, i have time to blog. a good ordeal indeed.

like oprah's favorite things....

2011-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

my friend emily is related to some cool cats who produce the most fantastic pillow you have ever slept on. this is real, no joke. i have had two for over a month now, and suffice it to say, there are 10 in my amazon shopping cart. we lay awake at night thinking of who we can give them to for christmas. i love giving away things that i love to people and my red headed husband is not the "everything" gift giver.
as in if there is a gift given, i usually pick it out. if it is supposed to be from "him", why, i run it by him and make sure it's alright. while contemplating who would be christmas receivers of "the pillow" he was acting funny about some of the recipients. i think his mind categorizes presents like a candle for mother, a tie for father, little ben with a red fire truck. kind of a cliche gifter (although he has pulled off some awesome stuff for the kids and i) outside the immediate family circle. i think he almost feared giving pillows for gifts might be akin to giving someone undies as a present. a little personal. but, i think we have our list narrowed down to who wouldn't get offended getting such a personal item as a pillow. he justified it with telling me he would present the gift saying, just think of this like an oprah's favorties gift item.

i hesitate to describe what this pillow is like. you see, i have fallen victim to reading reviews as of late and i think it's been tainting my mind. i stewed for weeks about buying a pair of tom shoes for an upcoming girls trip in the big apple. stewed and stewed. i saw every disney loving mother wearing them in march while we paid homage to the black ears and felt like that spoke for itself. coz yer dogs be hatin after a day of magical kindumb. for reels. then......i suckered into reading amazon reviews and website reviews by loyal toms customers. i was torn. underprivileged children getting shoes if you buy a pair. loyal supporters telling of all the colors and collections they have. i plunged. happy to be a part of this trendy movement and help someone? sure.

turns out that for fifty dollars, i think they are junk. kind of like when you get suckered into those "parties" and for $99.99 this baking stone will do the cooking for you and make your life worth living. directly after she tells you about the bahama's last week because she sold the most baking stones at last years party. i would have felt much better if i had written a check for $50 to an organization based in africa and they bought shoes for the children based on the area, need, and duration of the material. they are $15 dollar shoes. i realize this puts me into a non-trendy category. i remember in the seventh grade going shopping for school clothes. we had $100 dollars to spend on clothes for the year. i was going to have a pair of girbaud jeans. yes. i was. the problem was that they were $78.00 and that was for the color blue. the actual blue jeans were $99. i was dead set on them. got my jeans and a shirt and my budget was blown. i sat with them in the closet for a week thinking that everyday i would have to wear them as i had no other jeans. that did not roll around my brain so well and there was born my non-trendy self. there were plenty of other cute pants for under $78. turns out coolots ended up in my shopping bag and i wore them proudly that year. this further proves the point that i am not fashionable or trendy. but.....that said.

i do know when i love something. when it is a good product and the price is right, i will hop over the moon for it. food, products, clothes as long as i don't know about someones trip to the bahama's because of my purchase. i am happy to report that the malouf pillow, found HERE will satisfy all of your christmas gift recipients. and let that recommendation speak for itself. it's like butta.

because she is the best!

2011-08-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

i love being related to such an amazing photographer...

here is the link to see our family photo shoot.

HERE

if you haven't, you should....

2011-08-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

tune in HERE to read:

AS SISTAS IN ZION.

they are hilarious. and not the seriously so blessed funny, but why utah mormons are funny hilarious. my mother found them and was falling off her chair laughing at their funny take about being black and mormon.

i appreciate the concept of every mormon gets to be their own kind of mormon. i feel like i am in the new haven first ward when i read this blog. happy reading.

threat level: two

2011-08-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

it's that real mischievous look she gets to her.

her hair has caused us many tears. i have let my standard for hair fall low with girl number two. her scalp poses sensitivity that i can't wrap my head around. i look at the scalp, she cries. i talk about combing her hair, she cries. i lather it with moroccan oil, conditioner, and don't comb until it dries to no avail. yesterday was a pool day and i insist on the girls hair being up out of their faces for this venture. because of disney's tangled, they are both determined to swing from their own hair. so the pool with rapunzel like hair can be ahem, hairy.

while braiding ever so gently, she yells out with a red face and tears pooling in her eyes:

"mom. I KNOW KARATE! STOP BRAIDING THIS INSTANT!!!!!"

well, you better believe i was more scared of this tactic than the whipping threat. threat level red, level red i declared.

a hug and some funny jokes quickly remedied the scalp sensitivity and i was able to finish our pool braid. it might behoove me to go take up some karate myself with thoughts like that brewing in her head........

choices

2011-07-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

i lay awake tonight at a ghastly hour with my stomach churning because of the poor food choices i made at dinner.

i had an idea that no one close to me protected me from. my idea was to invite 20 girls ages 8-11 over to my house for a summer social. two other women would come chaperone, bringing with them games to play for entertainment. now, the idea that needed common sense was the part about how we would roast hot dogs and marshmallows over a fire. over a fire. over a fire pit in july. it was about fry and egg on the cement hot today. we prolly could have got the job of roasting the weenies done by holding our roasters ore the cement. well. i asked my friend, angela, why? why did you not tell me of the stupidity of making a fire in the dead of summer.

well, it was the hot dog that got me. i love em. summer with some carcinogens and ball park meat + lee's hot dog bakery buns. it over took every sensible thought i ever produced. until i saw the happy faces of the girls red sweaty cheeks with those weenies black as could be i felt much better about my stupidity. they didn't care that they had sweat beads gathered right under their puffy red eyes, or that their bum cheeks were wet with revolt from the heat. and no one likes a sweaty summer bum, but put a charred hot dog in the mix. do you see all the raised hands? everyone wants in.

the other reason for the late post about stupidity and food is because i also set out every fruit the local orchards had. cherries, strawberries, watermelon, blueberries, grapes. then. angela got a moment where she had a light shine down and told her we needed nutella on graham crackers for those little ones. right after their little mallows were hot off the press she would smash them with nutella graham glory. it was a sight to see. i hadn't eaten a smores for 10 years, my belly is telling me they are now called no'mores. oye. it was wonderful while it lasted, the idiotic bbq and myself.

we also played a game where we wrote down some embarrassing moments and then tried to guess whose they were. i laughed at the innocence and beauty of what these girls wrote.

my own beauty wrote: i threw up at the homestead in front of peter breinholt.

mine included having my parents call the cops twice for an intruder only to find me snoring soundly in my bed. thankfully, the snoring is now under control and my husband has no need for intruder checks in the pm hours at this house.

so, this belly ache, totally worth it, it was a summer memory for the books.

happiness is...........

2011-07-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

enough is enough.

2011-06-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

my name is h.mac and i am a junk-a-holic hoarder.

i am tired of living from treat to treat.

i am tired of my hind end giving me whip lash as i run up the stairs 54 times in a day.

i am tired of my thyroid being enlarged.

i am tired of being tired.

and no more sweet tooth fairy cupcakes for me. NO MORE. NO MORE. NO MORE.

i lost the baby weight and then the cupcakes got me and the candy, sugar cookies, and on and on. candy. me, really?!

i found myself making a cake yesterday and knew i was in trouble. in healthier days i was always sure that you were a real carbaholic if you were desperate enough to make a box cake for enjoyment. (why not go for brownies or ice cream if you're going crazy. a fluffy, need two pieces box cake?) my philosophy has always been to pour hours into making a dessert. this proves wise on many fronts. most especially not having dessert be an easy thing to get to. also, scott and i usually practice saving our treat for date night and we share. we made our agreement yesterday that we would breath new life into this and also, a sunday treat that would take a while to make and be taken to some kind of family gathering where there would be no leftovers.

10 pounds later with baby 4 it isn't melting off like it used to. which leads me to......

emily and i married cousins. they recently moved here from australia. we became fast friends and found we both suffer an immense love of food which has us traipsing across the valley on date nights (with our husbands tagging along) talking, oohhing and ahhhing over food. i don't think there has been a date night without 200 fat grams consumed.

my mother raised us with awesome food habits that were very balanced. we never had abounding junk around the house. never had processed foods or sweets casually tempting us. it was one of the best gifts she gave us. she taught us to appreciate food in moderate and healthy amounts. my gluttony is a disgrace to the wise ways she schooled us in.

so emily did this wonderful post today that had me at costco by nights end wanting to start over fresh. i want to feel better. i don't care so much about the exercising part as much as the feeling better. exercise and i do not get along. i would rather run into a brick wall repeatedly. so. again, go here to read her inspiring post about how americans are carb chasers and her thorough research about how to be better. she gave me lots of costco tip offs on products like the aguave nectar, quinoa, wheat sandwich rounds, frozen pitted cherries and on and on. i found salmon burgers, almond butter (only roasted ground almonds), and other delightful things to get me started on feeling better and snapping less.

hopefully my slightly older post partum body will return to its normal weight and forgive me for my shameful ways. i take pretty seriously being a good steward over my physical body. it's a privilege.

that or i may need to purchase some super glue to get all the rolls to meld into one. (that may or may not be a real threat i am giving myself with swimsuit season upon us)

due punishment

2011-06-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

the first day of summer arrived and i was screaming triumph in any one's ear who would listen. 9:30 and we found ourselves dressed, jobs done, TV never turned on, teeth brushed, breakfast cleaned up. yes, a mother's summer triumph indeed. as i was finishing getting ready ella loomed in the doorway. rowan was perched at the doorway with toys abounding and pillows to catch his cranium when the sitting up trick got old. with the older kids home she hadn't had her proper fill of mauling him. feeling jipped she decided to engage me in a compelling conversation.

ella: mom, if you do not let me hold rowan this instant i will whip you with this belt. (she was holding a very fashionable purple leather belt ready for action)

mom: ella, we do not whip people. i will let you hold row when i am done with my hair and i can help you.

ella: okay mom, i will give you two choices. if you do not let me hold rowan right this instant your choices are i will whip you or i will whip rowan. which is your choice?

mom: ella, whipping is not a choice. firstly (her favorite invented word i have come to love), i am bigger than you. heavenly father made it so the person giving choices has to be larger than the small person. okay.

ella: mom, that is not right. i give the choices at this house. i am not small, i am a big woman. who is getting whipped here.

mom: ella, you will not whip me or rowan. these are not choices children give their parents. i give the choices.

ella: mom i want to hold him right now on the toilet, let me have a choice about holding him on the toilet this INSTANT!

blah, blah, blah. downward spiral of my internal laughing and wondering where she comes from. as i am wondering all of life's perils, i feel something at my feet. only to look down and see a purple leather belt brushing up against my foot ever so sneakily. an indignant four year old smirking and walking away without a word. survival of the mentally fit here.....

refining fire

2011-06-01T06:53:00.000-07:00

i was reading this article that our good friend todd posted on his FB account (FB means facebook mother ;)).

recently, i was talking with my dad about a profound parenting moment he had years ago. he was giving a talk in a religious setting about parenting. he was comparing the opportunity to parent to the experience of a sculptor. molding, shaping, cutting that clay into exactly what you want it to be.

he was feeling pretty good about his talk. afterwards, a good friend, who also happened to be very wise professionally about family dynamics, told him that although his talk had a good concept, it was wrong. kids are more like folded paper. with every part of growth a new crease unfolds. as a parent you are the one to open each fold on their sheet of paper. sometimes the way we parent leaves some papers closed, unable to see what's inside.

this spoke such truth to me. grayce and easton are so similar in their responses to our correction, praise, love. i figured that it was our parenting accolade that our kids were obedient, generally well behaved, sweet, did tricks on cue and on and on. then, well, if you've ever read one post on here you know that child number three turned my entire world upside down. it still has me shocked. she is entirely, completely something i never knew could come from our combined DNA. i had no idea personality traits like that could be floating around the family. this analogy of the folded paper has helped me see the truth of it.

i believe our spirits have lived far longer than these physical bodies. we were intelligences long before the marriage of our spirits and physical bodies. i think that might somehow explain why ella naturally likes using bigger, more correct phrases than my other kids. she thinks so much differently. it's a television to her, and calling the "children" in suites her more than calling "kids" in for dinner. like when she was two and asked me to play princesses with her. she handed me prince charming and asked me to play kingdom. what? king.....dum.....mom!

you be king dumb. oh my. yep, paper i tell you.

in general conference a few months ago, my inbox for texting was hot when this talk was being given. at first i balked at his chipper, life's good with a child that has "unique characteristics" attitude. i had to let it sink into daily thought. guess what? he's right. surely, these "special kids" ARE making us more godlike. they are the refining fire of my soul. they make the rough edges smooth with humility.

so, i will let ella give the parting thought here:

peace momma, peace.

just can't get enough

2011-05-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

because i want 42 more chubby babies....

2011-04-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

to make up for 5 weeks of absence here....

2011-04-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

i should let you know that the beloved kitchen has returned to function. can you spot the sous chef?

what winter has brought....

2011-03-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

because the food quality doesn't override the obsessive compulsive need to germ x the entire establishment, we don't participate in playgrounds at the golden arches usually. usually. but, i have been known in deep despair to let my kids scale the petri dish of community cast off germs, but you know, i kind of think those sorts of things are better left at home with a good vat of bleach.

that leads me to exhibit our winter finds that have made this season in the mountains bearable.

first up. ella's enchantment. we are not channel TV watchers. netflix and DVD's give us a good fill. these have topped her (and the older kids, they just might not want to admit to these) favorites as of late.

ponyo. a disney film with american stars released in asia? meets the general annoyance and overplayed at our house requirement. an instant favorite.

ella can't get enough of babies. as in, it is watched everyday. it is quite extraordinary in its content, i agree. she might have crossed the line when she asked if i would dress up like the tribal african mothers for halloween. as you can imagine, i gave a line about public nudity being illegal and such and how we don't belong to tribes. and no, mormonism doesn't count as tribal honey.

and this one still has me gobsmacked. mostly because it's french but yet somehow my kids know exactly what is going on and the conversing that takes place. they laugh hysterically at it. i can't wrap my mind around it.

and finally. if you are looking for a good, guilty indulgence, DOWNTON ABBEY is perfect. i just finished my second go around of the brittish series. 7 episodes was not enough for me. it does seem they are releasing the second season in the fall of this year. i predict that i will watch the series a few more times before then. i am addicted to beautiful architecture and interiors, not to mention that the dress for this series is unmatched. throw in a little drama and light hearted tributes to class and change, my heart was won. netflix has it and you can read more about it here.

and one last sign that spring has got to be on its way is the discussion of utter disgust the redhead and i had last night about how we wasted our hour before bed. his was spent on angry birds and i may or may not be suffering tetris thumb......

for anyone who's ever envied my kitchen....

2011-02-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

get your "un" envy fix here.... sniff, sniff.

it's called a faulty water line that has been on slow drip for a while.

it means mold contamination barriers all about your house and such. as you can see, missy is getting a kick out of the fiasco.

me, not so much. because those wooden things behind the couch, my cabinets torn in pieces. my wood floor is up, soggy, and beat to heck from a fridge being moved by gruff men. and now the mold is remedied, they left my kitchen looking a mess and said, fix it yourself ma'am. and the translation for that is prolly another 2-3 weeks of tears and discomfort.

could be worse.

getting there

2011-02-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

the decor has been sluggish around these parts so i was thrilled when i found this item and couldn't get it out of my mind. like wake up and it is the first thing i think about love. and say it buffet instead of buffay, k. just cause i think it's funny my kids will be ruined because of my slaughtering the english language and all. buffet, buffet, jimmy buffet. hardyharhar.

and this here, evidence that the valentine's chicken does exist and visits the mac house every gal dern year.

this picture boasts my valentine's day blossoms that my "cinnamon lips" got me. (oh that was funny, cinnamon lips, whew, i can't contain myself sometimes) hehehehe.

32 reasons to celebrate 32 years of YOU

2011-02-08T21:42:00.001-08:00

happy birthday to my red headed tramp;) and photo credit to my fantastic sister in law ashley!

32. my red head is nice.

31. like so nice, it could well take up numbers 1-32. i don't know what i did to deserve it.

30. he is happy.

29. like so happy, it could take up numbers 1-32.

28. despite that this looks like a joke, nice and happy are who he is. being around him makes you realize that nice and happy are a good way to go through life.

27. he is a partner that, without prodding, makes me want to be better. he has never instructed me on "how to" anything.

26. my redhead boasts a mean saturday morning waffle. this year his quest for a perfect waffle maker came to an end. his waffle skills have turned mad with some tips from my uncle david, who is waffle king.

25. scott is very laid back. no matter how flat a pancake can be, he always takes both sides in. rarely is a judgment ever made on his part of anyone, and if it is, well it's because i tell him to do it (make the judgement that is :))

24. scott is not a salesman. he enjoys truth.

23. scott hates money. it makes him sweat if i turn any money over to him. he knows where i keep the budget and i don't know that he has ever voluntarily got it out. thank goodness we have a testimony of dave ramsey.

22. despite scott hating on the green, he is passionately adamant that the house will be paid off for our 40th birthdays. (that's a lot of beans and rice and rice and beans)

21. scott loves suturing people up. skulls, backs. he takes pride in his stitches. the kids take pride in broken clothing as their dad can sew up anything.

20. scott loves to be in the operating room. 4 days a week isn't enough. he loathes clinic days and drug seekers.

19. scott has never done homework on a sunday. thru 4 years of a zoology degree and a chemistry minor at weber state, 2 years of a PA degree at yale, not one minute of the lord's time went to books. i think that could qualify him as stalwart.

18. scott does not fight with me. he does not degrade or make negative comments to me. sometimes i ask him to, to keep things lively, but deep down i think he might be afraid of me.

17. scott likes to putter in the yard, this drives me crazy because we have no yard.

16. i gave scott a fancy yale alumni license plate tag for christmas for his car. i found it on my car. when i questioned him about this he said his car was missing a hubcap and because of number #22 he will not be purchasing a new one. there are no airs about him.

15. scott loves people. he loved to say hi to people when we went on a vacation once and it mildly bugged me because i was 7 months pregnant. but once the fetus came out, i have thought about how nice this attribute makes him.

14. once when a dog bit his nose and i laughed, he forgave me and still wanted to be married to me.

13. there's a good chance he hasn't spent $20 since we got married. wait no, once he went to smith and edwards. he might have come out with a receipt.

12. he is the ultimate romantic. flowers, planned dates. fancy things and such.

11. my having his children makes him weep.

10. he is straighter than an arrow. in 10 years of marriage, i have never seen him just get out of bed. eyes open arms folded. it's my fondest thought of him.

9. the concern of another is ever present in his mind. he never gives way to any needs of his own.

8. he loves sushi. loves sushi. loves sushi.

7. tonight at his birthday dinner, (sushi) he beamed with pride as ella downed a tuna-salmon roll, grayce consumed udon with squeals, and easton devoured a very spicy curry rice. he said it was a proud moment to be the father of such diverse palettes.

6. he loved living in england for two years.

5. he has become a reader this year. after 6 years of forced reading, he couldn't be bothered. his nights are now consumed with books.

4. he's never questioned a decision i have made. good or bad. that makes me feel loved.

3. he will vomit on a roller coaster.

2. he thinks alternative medicine is hokey pokey.

1. he loves me. makes me want to be better. makes me wonder everyday what good deed heaven is rewarding to be his.

antics

2011-02-07T08:28:00.001-08:00

(ella's discovery of the 12-18 month pile of boy clothes. apparently i made a mistake, she tells me. these are her summer oberalls mom. yes dear)

ella says to me: mom, we shouldn't pee on new couches, right?

me: that's why mom and dad got the 7 year protection plan honey, go potty ella.

wailing and gnashing of teeth insert here.

i will never, ever in this lifetime figure ella out. the older two, i know exactly how to talk with them, convince them, bribe them, whatever. ella, not a chance. which is why i have had white knuckles for 4 years and 4 months.

yesterday in church, well, back up here. before we get to church it took world war 3 to get her out of the house. she finally left with a summer dress that was too short and a sweater to cover her sleeveless arms, hence the winter season upon us. it took the jaws of life to pry her from scott's leg and get her to go to primary.

once she found me in sacrament meeting it was like being on a spit over a fire, slowly roasting. she was hot, hot, hot, hot. sweater comes off revealing the winner of WW3. then, the cough starts. oh her poor cough. she STILL has severe reflux. as in the doctor has said it is rare to see a case as severe as hers reflux. bless my soul. this is also rowans case. anyway, it causes a most annoying cough. more like a gag, ears stinging, who is making that noise cough. something akin to an animal attacking dinner. of course i quietly ask her to cover her mouth, this only spurs on her need to defy and cough more. and a holler to my ward members, would you please start pinching your neighbors in sacrament meeting, it is way TOO QUIET! at one point i am holding her jaw from coughing as there was a real sweet moment over the pulpit that has everyone weeping and a pin drop would've interrupted it.

her boice (voice).

even her school teachers have commented on it. it's loud and sassy. it has just the right pitch that when the on switch is on, oh murder. i was shushing her all thru sacrament when she finally yells, stop shushing me mom!!!!!!

when she started taking her tights and undies off in the isle, i decided it was time to go out. i've never had to punish a 4 year old for indecent exposure, especially in a house of worship. did i mention the stake president was about 4 rows away. like this should matter, but somehow when you can see your child's bum cheek in the lord's house, it does tend to turn your cheeks to a right nice shade of crimson.

i so love her, fiercely. she needs me the most as we figure out how to go along in life. my prayers at night concerning her usually produce the most tears and earnestness. i don't want her to change, no. i want her to be the best she can be, in turn making me a little better. knocking off my rough edges. she's knocking something off of me, that's for sure. her personality holds so much of life and i feel happy to be apart of it, as long as no bum cheeks are involved inappropriately;)

blessing

2011-02-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

today i pulled the beautiful ivory table cloth from my linen drawer. i spread it over our dining room table, the table that we purchased from scott's family. it served his mom's table thru her growing up.

a few years ago i dropped by my grandpa's house to say a quick hello. i liked to go by as often as possible as he was recovering from the sting of loosing his sweet companion, my beloved grandma. he was quite flustered. in an attempt to keep himself busy he had signed up to feed the missionaries. i was proud of him as he was buzzing about the kitchen, getting everything just perfect, or just as grandma would have had it. the tablecloths, he kept lamenting, where did she keep the tablecloths. he was earnest in his desire to keep up the appearances she created when she had people to her table.

after grandpa passed, we were scouring the house, taking with us treasures that would help us heal. the physical things left behind that could give us left behind, some kind of comfort. down in the deep basement, in a lone corner, i discovered a small cabinet. i opened it and found grandma's tablecloths. stacked neatly with a JCPenny label attached was what would become my tablecloth.

i thought about the scripture in our "mormon bible" in mosiah, the one that talks about the sting of death taken away thru the sacrifice of jesus christ. what a wonderful thing to ponder on the day we bless my baby. we gather as a family, take this babe into priesthood arms, and bestow upon him a name and a blessing.

i ponder those not with us on momentous days as these. there to give me comfort are the butter dish from scott's grandma, the dining table from grandpa scott's family, the table cloth that grandma stashed away. tears seem to roll down my cheeks as i feel their absence, but comfort is given in the sacrifice of an elder brother that takes the sting of death from my heart. because deep in my heart i know they await to be reunited with us. maybe their heart tugs also wanting to be with us. so, i celebrate the ones here, 2 sweet great grandmas, whose lives well lived make me better by being apart of them. all of these people rooting for me, for my family, for my sweet baby, gathering us together with their love.

begging you for mercy, yeah, yeah...

2011-02-02T08:00:00.001-08:00

this picture perfectly represents rowan's perfect mercy;)

that was a fun one hit wonder, no?

mercy has pricked my thoughts lately. it seems as though snippy has become my middle name. and not wanting to hide behind excuses, BUT. winter with a newborn does tend to lead to large amounts of time spent in a house with other short people who demand attention. lots of people inside all of the time usually means much more chaos and such. it's basically life. i don't think we have boasted health at our house since november. it's enough to put you in the nut house at times.

i have with sadness watched my pattern around here form with the long winter months of reflection. the other day grayce was testing out her sewing machine she received for christmas. her test run was rice bags, only we didn't have a large surplus of rice, so she used some hand me down wheat. she filled it up for quite some time only to get it 1/5 full and then proceeded to sew it shut. we were heading off to a birthday party which had me cooking supplies for the bulk of the afternoon. add sunday to the mix and it meant i had been solo for the day, plus a really cute attachment needing nourishment frequently. my nerves were frazzled. so, when my beauty came down with her beanbag, presenting the finished product that was less than finished, i snapped. the machine wasn't threaded properly leaving a huge build up of thread that never really closed the fabric around most of the bag. wheat had dripped along her trail from the upstairs to the downstairs to show me her creation. this was the present she wanted to give for the birthday party and i snippily let her know she couldn't give that and why didn't she call me when the machine started acting up. in her tween emotional response system, tears started falling at the criticism. i on the other hand was void of sympathy as i was pulling the dessert out from the top oven, the two pans full of rolls from the bottom oven, squelching cries from a cantankerous 4 year old about missing shoes, and directing my husband about the placement of the food in the car.

at the time i didn't view this as a horrible high stress situation. obviously it was as i write it out and have had her response haunt me for a week. i am still working with great skill to develop methods to divide my attention. it is a transition requisite for each change life brings.

as i have thought hard about what i am lacking that would have provided grayce with a nurturing response, the thought that fills my mind is mercy.

mercy is something in this life i will never ever comprehend. it is my weakness for whatever reason. i think being a perfectionist plays a large part of it. but understanding mercy would solve every crisis in my present struggle.

as i was talking about it with my mom, she gave me the thought that a loving father, abounding with mercy, wouldn't allow us back with him by the skin of our teeth. mercy allows to have abundant opportunity to feel endless eternal bounds. it quiets the voice of perfection and offers patience in its place. it offers a humble heart to replace one hardened by life's trivialities. my extension of mercy allows me divide my time sufficiently to the people i love the most.

understanding mercy is precisely the reason we are on this earth. it will take me a lifetime of trial and joy to understand sufficiently a loving father's sacrifice of an only begotten son. comprehending that miracle more thru daily hungering for understanding is what propels one forward and unlocks daily peril.

so here's to today, with a grateful heart grasping a little more of this beautiful thing called mercy.

rolling roland

2011-02-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

ahh. sweet fetus looking soft and fancy...

we are still working on his name around here. some days, i forget how much i love his name. then, i have to say it over and over. i get real jane austin{ish} and fall in love all over with his name. but, just because i's be lovin it, don't mean nuthin.

the redhead was saying the family prayer and when he got to the above mentioned, it was something like this:

and please bless baby....... uh......please bless baby o, baby owen, (grayce whispering, rowan, dad, it's rowan)
and please bless baby rowan.

now it's a different name, i get that. multiple people make me spell it out for them and still mistake it.

one sweet neighbor has had me spell it twice and every time she hears mention of him she says with disdain, rowland, ROWLAND?

i politely interject - no, no, ROWAN.

ROGAN?

no, no, RRROOOWWWAAANNNN.

this name thing is getting so so silly.

and let's just add fuel to the roland fire, he has just taken up rolling like a fool........

roll on roland, roll on.....

bubbles..

2011-01-27T15:25:00.000-08:00

abound when rowe is tired.....

easton

2011-01-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

it is time for an update on big brother. 7 years have come and gone and it gets me teary to have a first grader.

he has amazed us this past year. my shy, quiet boy has come out of his shell. i have a real boy on my hands.

easton is an amazing reader. like truly amazing. he reads the books his fourth grade sister reads. they swap books and it amazes me. his fluency and pronunciation are unmatched. now, this doesn't mean that because of his classy reading skills he loves such classy material. captain underpants keeps him in stitches. what a great series for the ultimate little boy! all the naughty words you can imagine! improper times for bodily functions to occur and all. my little brother passed on all his books about captain underpants to him and he has been in heaven, reading and re-reading. i can only imagine what he and his friends talk about when they are alone....

on the other hand, where the red fern grows also stole his heart. and who wouldn't love big dan and little ann?

and all that complaining i do and have done about birthing the size of his cranium? well, i should be quiet. i think big skulls mean big brains. this kid has fallen in love with sports to the extreme. scott took him to a jazz game at the beginning of the season (it pays to work with surgeons that have season tickets and are also on call a lot). easton was subtracting 3 digit scores in 5 seconds or less, more amazed at the lead than his math skills. we just assumed he was learning that at school until we talked to his teacher at the quarter conference. she told us they were working with simple one digit math, not 3 digit. the other day he started at 40+40=80,80+80=160 and so on. he went all the way up to 8hundred and something, added those up and was off by a hundred. it kind of totally blows my math retarded mind. he loves numbers. he can tell you any score to any basketball game played. saturdays are for watching college ball and the mornings are for grabbing the newspaper and tearing it open to the sports. after one lesson on how to read the key in the newspaper and it has saved me from having every page of the paper all over until he finds the sports section. we don't have cable so scott found an online channel that broadcasts the games live. he is now diving into converting the different time zones! this kid. honestly. thank goodness he has still retained his mild mannered personality so that his boredom at school will not turn into naughtiness. he prides himself on being a great listener, thank heavens. we have also had a great teacher that is giving him work to do when he finishes early which i really appreciate.

he is also my cinema loving child. where did he come from?? math and movies? he can tell you the release date of any upcoming movie out there. i have noticed this decrease as we don't have access to channels with commercials lately. (hooray!) hulu and netflix on the DVD player satisfy my very smallish appetite for the tube. but, he always knows when some violent action packed movie is coming out, and what it is rated. he knows very well even some PG's we get to preview and i am amazed at his moral compass. we give him rules and he thrives on keeping them. now,

before i get all big headed about this kid, let me tell you some things that keep this kid normal.

peeing. seriously. i am wiping down urine from every part of the toilet. i have told him over and over that at this house, until the men step up and scrub the toilets, they WILL SIT DOWN. i don't care about your manhood. if you want to retain your standing status i have to make it out of those bathrooms without having to clean the poison off the baseboards and walls. those little squirt guns are incredibly wobbly and tend to let loose like a cannon. and oh murder, i can always tell when friends come over. repeat.the.whole.thing.over. boo! an invention must be brewing in some mothers head that somehow aims, flushes and washes their hands at once. boys will be boys!

so, there an update on the testosterone at this house. how lucky i am to have two little boys and not the naughty kind like my brothers were. i love you guys, but holiness to our mother, you guys were devils! i am quite inclined to think my two little boys are my reward for enduring the antics of my 4 brothers growing up!

photo....shoot

2011-01-20T20:10:00.000-08:00

mom, another one? seriously....

me: ella, rowan probably got a good look at your dental hygiene the first 1,254,678 times you thrust it upon him, dear. let's keep our saliva in the proper place.

ella: i'm dust sowin him what tees look like mom.

this is the milk intoxication look. he is drunk after the "nursies" as ella says.

this perfectly renders my baby's life. ella's schedule includes the mauling of a smallish, slightly chubbed out baby.

one friday night i found myself alone with 4, FOUR, ahem, children. my husband found himself at work late in the operating room. so i found some styling spritz, and fancied my fella up.

alfalfa if you please. and for the record, he looks exactly like my brother vaughn in this one. and well, vaughn is the male version of myself.

beiber fever at our house, thought some tween motha would appreciate this one.

you ain't nothin but a hound dog....

rowe's honest opinion of the situation ;)

bath time. love my nekked baby after baths. being a winter baby i don't get near enough skin loving time with the bebe. soon enough.

mr nancy

2011-01-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

ted l nancy was sent to me in the mail. well, not ted himself, but his book. my alaska brother kept telling me about this letter writing man. since his descriptions always left me in fits of slobbering laughter, he knew i would truly enjoy it.

it is a book that jerry seinfeld helped get published after coming upon some of the funny letters ted wrote to various businesses. i have thoroughly enjoyed this book. i also have never read a book that has me laughing out loud and slobbering to prove my enjoyment. you can read about it HERE.

some of my favorite letters include those correspondences to hotels. my favorite laugh out loud moment occurred when reading about ted's inquiry to be accommodated by this hotel with his level 4 bed wetting status. or maybe it was the one to a hotel to ask if they could accommodate his third leg with a ottoman next to the bed. no, no, it has to be the inquiry to nordstrom's asking for the mannequin resembling his neighbor who just passed away and ted's need to purchase it and give it to the family as a way to heal. or maybe it was the inquiry to a seafood restaurant requesting to be seated by the dumpsters because of the immense odor he suffers from. if you think michael scott's stupidity is slightly entertaining, then ted will keep you in stitches.

also things that are tickling my funny bone lately include my mum,dad+technology.

we were celebrating my little sis's 16th birthday back in november. we ventured out with one toddler, two new borns, two post partum mothers, one technologically challenged mum, and a freshly turned 16 year old for an outing to the city. translated, a packed SUV, some traveling and FOOD. of course. anytime my mother is involved with a cell phone of any kind you can be sure it will be funny. we heard her phone ring, which involves a couple of seconds for her to verify that it is indeed HER phone. then, you have to watch the frantic digging through her purse and her banter with all around who it might be. somehow she has her phone rigged to tell the caller she is in a meeting. now, bless her heart. my mother isn't a high faluting weekday meeting goer. religious worship serving meeting goer, you betcha. but business suit, a call on line one - no. so her revealing this to us, that she has let some callers know she is in a meeting, is hilarious. the other hilarious factor is that she doesn't know how she does it. by the time this whole thing takes place she has missed the call, or hit the magic button to tell someone she is in a meeting. usually you get a call back. she has also branched out this past year to texting....

while on the subject of texting, i warned my dad that humor of this next situation was blog worthy, he was warned. his place of business has him using a fancy pants iphone. fancy nancy indeed. after some questioning about how, if, and when, texting is slowly winning his heart. he decided one day in the christmas bustle, to text my mom a love note of sorts thru his new found communication skills. my parents are ogden high sweethearts. both grew up in the heart, and i mean downtown, of the great o town. 27th and adams and 23rd and orchard for locals. let that bear testimony to you of the gravity of the inner city in which they lived. we have a lovely tradition in O town displaying tons of little house things with cute christmas scenes that adore the local downtown park. we call it christmas village. while in high school bliss, my dad accompanied my mom without complaint. once the courtship was over and children came around, my dad's declaration to all was that it was no longer fun. my mom's christmas wish every year is for his accompaniment to the christmas village. so, in a text message he sent to her it was something to the effect of this:

i love you now more than ever,

will you go to christmas village with me?

love,

billy mac

after he sent the message, he realized he sent it to the stake president instead of my mom. he quickly had to try and undo this sticky situation. and look up there, no name to the recipient of this text. the thought of the stake president (a mormon term meaning someone high up) thinking that my dad (his executive secretary) was declaring christmas love to him had my poor motha laughing her way out of every shop she entered that day. she would enter a place of business with the intent to fetch holiday gifts, only having to exit because she couldn't control her giggles. she called me 5 hours after said incident barely able to get it out, in turn causing us to echo hysterics of laughing.

the stake president's reply to my dad was essentially asking if he could take credit for it and send it on to his own jingle bell sweetheart. . . . . . . . .

entertainer

2010-12-31T15:27:00.000-08:00

since we have been couped up in large amounts as of late, i decided to liven things up. instead of a faux hawk, we opted for an enchanting lady liberty do after baths.........he didn't think it complimented his best features so well.

also, for entertainment, we've turned to food. and unfortunately these *&%$ truffles won my affections. but i refer to them as the *$%# truffles, and of course that counts as mind swearing. never uttered aloud....

ella apparently has also turned to food. but her problems lie with the parentals being in charge of her consumption. because i told her 4 times, no marshmallows before dinner. she took things into her own hands. plastic puts hair on your chest right?

and, just to liven things up, i'll leave you with another shot of our lady/man liberty and the new couch. it only took me remembering that we tested this baby out before i was pregnant and debated every time the price dropped $100. when it got down to $499, i caved...........too many years on a student budget i tell you.

could you just eat him up? grayce asked the other day if it was wrong that she wanted to dollup him in whipped cream and eat him up. no, no, my dear. totally normal.

humor unfolds and farewell chainsmoker laugh

2010-12-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

today i laughed. real hard laugh. this is a fantastic thing if you are a post partum mother with 4 ankle biters, truly. upon laughing at a very funny thing, i found that my pregnancy laugh was gone. leaving behind no traces of the gut wrenching laugh i was tortured with for 9 months.

my little sister kept telling me, oh sister, i will be so sad when your pregnancy laugh goes away.

it was a deep, throaty, relaxed, life is within my grasp laugh. it was a loosey goosey thing that made me laugh hysterically when my husband was attacked by a dog, also when he fell down the hardwood stairs. now. you know i apologized for that. i did, i did. to him, to the world.

what is it with post partum that the entire house has to be cleaned, de-junked and sterile in 5.2 minutes or less? maybe it is the nine months you sit on the couch tortured with whatever ailment has you hanging. like a bad back and a provider that fixes bad backs all day living with you? nightmare city. every time i bent over and winced because of the nature of a bulging disc in your back, the redhead PA was on me like a cop filling up his monthly violation quota. he did dishes, cleaned floors, did laundry. he was such a beautiful house wife. i was on the sidelines watching, feeling guilt like a mountain drenched in snow. it kind of encompassed me that awful guilt. and now, it's gone more or less. the more i clean, de-junk, and scrub it lifts, bit at a time. even the children are not safe from dejunking. i keep telling them to watch out or that next load to the DI could be them. threats are such effective parenting (not):)

so, au revoir chain smoker pregnancy laugh. until we meet again. which, with a looker like this, my hopes are high that we will!!

somehow...

2010-12-02T10:47:00.001-08:00

time is passing too fast and too slow.

the six week baby mark is upon us. my expectations for this mark were a lot higher than what has actually come from it but such is life.

at my hospital discharge, i was sure at the six week mark a jack hammer would not be requisite for me to get into pants. also, i thought carrying around 12 ounces of milk wouldn't still be so painful and uncomfortable, or for that matter look so chubby on my frame. and for sure i didn't think that i would be suffering high blood pressure from a lack of sleep. but.....

alas. all this has come and life marches on.

and, i am still old and tired, but the upside is this:

he has the same profile all my babies have had, and for that matter, most of my siblings. he belongs, favoring mostly miss grayce lou's looks. which being interpreted is his motha. but just as grayce has he will soon develop a look of his own. speaking of grayce, here is a picture of when she had gotten little bubba to sleep and she wanted to pose as though she was also asleep.

i didn't argue that this looks incredibly incriminating to neglectful parenting. a large child such as herself draped all over such a tiny life.

i remember telling someone once that parenting is the highest high you will ever achieve, also with it are the lowest lows. i think it has something to do with the explosion of love that accompanies this job.

there is nothing better than a newborn smile, goo, smell.

there is nothing more miserable that sleep deprivation and lots of small people depending on you.

4 kids is a lot.

a lot of:

work, poop,food preparation,christmas presents,car seats,fighting,diapers,nursing,patience,laundry,mind swearing,homework.

also a lot of:

laughing,joy,love,kisses,hugs,family dinner,jokes,snowmen,night time stories,holiday joy.

and although the latter list is smaller, it is also more rich and fulfilling which somehow makes the jackhammer routine getting into jeans worth it. also, i have yet to locate my belly button, this may or may not be a problem, depending on how you look at it. and, somewhere out there are my legs, you know the one that got cut out from under me? soon enough they will return and with it will be a mournful momma realizing that her baby is growing all too soon.....

look to the left there....

2010-11-09T19:51:00.000-08:00

and you will see one of my favorite baby gifts.

my bestie brooke bestowed upon the fruit of my loins the most wonderful gift. a minky. and seriously, i worship the little silky. it goes thru the wash multiple times a week so that my manchild can bask in a little heaven. go visit the sit by nov. 9th and you too will enjoy free luxury.....

like my red head wants a large one from sandy claws, shhhh don't tell

what's in a name

2010-10-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

well, apparently a joke at our house.

you see. i did this earth bending stupid thing once. when scott and i were dating, i said," i have a daughter waiting and her name is grayce." now, realize we both knew we were going to get married so this didn't come as a shock to him. but, i could feel my little grayce long before i was married and i knew she was a grayce, i just knew it. feeling the guilt of just telling scott the name, i stupidly gave up naming rights of any males that might enter our family right there on the spot. let me warn any unmarried readers right now, do not do this. one day, you will be pushing a watermelon thru a lemon and you can name that watermelon any dag gum thing you want. okay?

well, 10 years later, with our recent boy fetus emerging, the above mentioned comes into play. i knew this and told my red head this information, the fetus is a boy honey. i guess i am one of those lucky ones who just know what they are having. one time years ago, he told me that the next manchild should be named william bryant. two family names. great. for 4 years i have been able to feel this little boy hovering around, knowing he was coming forth eventually. once we were pregnant, i quickly reminded husband what the name was, after all, it was his idea. i had just happened to fall in love with it. my best friend snagged the william part and that put a damper on things for us. like my best friend since childhood that i still talk to regularly and we eat dinner together a lot. i asked her where she got the name from and she said they really liked pirates of the caribbean and apparently there is someone named william on that show. ( i know, i know. my cinema retardedness cripples me, i have never seen the show) well. there was no attachment with that right? surely i could steal the name. it is a 5 generation name in my family. so, we thought of naming him william and calling him liam. except once i heard the name liam when i was 18 or so and instantly thought the spelling would be lee-um. and it made me think of a green pea. just like the name gordon makes me think of a pickle. but say liam neeson to me and i get real romantic about the name liam, it sounds so.......brittish. the other bad news about liam is that it is on the top ten list right now and heavens knows there are enough grayce's and ella's for me to want originality.

so, the next step was to find another name. i fell head over heels in love with the name simon. uncrinkle your nose right now. simon cowell will not be around forever. i didn't give grayce the middle name of mae because macey grey was popular at the time and i didn't want to curse my child with a dyslexic future by naming her grayce mae. well, we all know macey grey chased her waterfall out of the spotlight and she became a one hit song wonder. simon, funky traditional. oh so original, but scott hated it.

then.

one day i put out feelers on facebook for a boy name. our friend shawn suggested koen. we both really liked it. for 3 or 4 hours we thought, okay, here it is. as we were parting ways for bed that night, the red head rubbed my belly and said, "goodnight little rowan." we both giggled uncontrollably. like, dry heaving giggling. i told him he had his naming rights revoked. if he couldn't remember what he liked, how could i trust him? we could end up with a boomer if we weren't careful.

it was such a dilemma.

so. one night, said red head was getting serious about the name. (like a week before the induction keep in mind. which is why it was an earth bending stupid thing to let him name the boys. the male clock does not tick like a females.) he looked up rowan and found it was a celtic name that meant little redhead. he also had a praise jesus moment in church one week where he fell in love with simon. so. we had two names, two routes to take. red head got the name rowan and simon for the back up. we were all holding out hope for a curly red head. so as this little one emerged and we saw the gobs of black hair, we thought oh, hello simon. but, this little boy was not a simon. he was rowan. within seconds we knew. and that was okay. the hour we left the hospital we had to give a middle name and i let scott do it. he chose william. he wanted each of our boys to have something from each family. easton got scott and rowan got the 5 generation name from my side. pretty good trade.

and boo to brooke shields for naming her girl rowan. it is a boy name. and it made me cringe when i heard all the girl rowans. no one wants a pat. really. and for all accounts, this poor baby gets called the craziest things. it is just so busy around here. he's been called rogan, owen, baby o, or just baby. sometimes we look at each other, kids included, and say - what's his name again? he's baby to us. either way, there is no shortage of love.

the fruit of my loins emerges into this world- the birth story

2010-10-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

i had a secret this time. well, it was more like a "i don't know if i want to do this secret". i had a scheduled induction and kept it mum. the doctor really pushed for me to do this in a controlled environment because of a collection of things. head placement issues, abundant amniotic fluid, strep b positive.

the morning of the induction was just the most out of body experience. ella's birthday was the day before which was a great distraction, but she had an allergic flare up and was miserable the whole day. i kept debating if i really wanted to go through with it....really, i did. my mom planned a special halloween sleep over with the kids so we could keep it on the down low. i hate others expectations and wanted to do this with scotty and not a million people wondering when, how, if....you know. anyway. i also had a lot of fears. i just kept saying i forgot the good parts and could only remember the bad. after three crazy deliveries you get like that.

when we got to the hospital i had a prime induction rate of 7:00 am, which meant my doctor is grand and had it put on the schedule 2 weeks in advance. i carried baby until 39 weeks and 3 days, which is the longest i have ever done. when the doctor came in he checked baby and sure enough the head was not down but off to the right. we started the penicillin drip and he told me we needed to reevaluate at 10:00am about head placement. he told me to start tinkering with the head to see if i could get fetus to move down. the whole pregnancy i could press by my belly and get his head off from the right or left side.

i knew in his mind he was putting together a back up plan, which meant c-section. with so much fluid (again) he was worried the cord would slip out if the head was too high and other possibilities. i started preparing myself (for the millionth time this pregnancy) for a c-section or some grim scenario. the doctor came in at 10am with the ultra sound machine and we all cheered to find out baby had moved and the head was engaged, although still sunny side up. that was enough. off to the pitocin we went about 10:30am and then the show started.

i wish i could put words together about how different i have felt with this pregnancy. i could have gone two more months, i just didn't get crazy enough to want it out. i know it's odd. i had really forgotten the magic of babies and all of the good stuff. so every minute i was in labor i kept thinking, maybe i could back out and come back next week. then. the pitocin started to work. i am super sensitive to it and was commiserating thru contractions an hour into it. they were close together and long. after an hour i cried "uncle" and got the epidural. i was a four by then. there were a bunch of "new" things the labor and delivery unit wanted to try out on me. a new in utero monitor for baby, the kangaroo(the skin to skin when baby comes out) among other things. i think the hospital i delivered at has the best L&D unit around. the staff is amazing. it seems any nurse on the floor has been there 20 years, they are incredibly competent. anyway, with all of these new things came an onslaught of nurses, reps and others in the delivery room which was amazing for the delivery.

it went fast after the epidural (which worked this time, a dr. patel cocktail, yay!). i was closely monitored after the epidural for a past history of blood pressure dip suddenly. the staff was amazing with every concern that came up. i was a 4cm at twelve and with the help of tons of nurses giving advice on curling up in a ball, rotating every 30 minutes, by 2:00 i was 10 and working on the head coming down and turning baby. a couple of pushes and a vacuum to aid in the crazy head position, by 2:58pm baby emerged. with a room full of spectators knowing we were being surprised, it was like a home run hit with cheers when rocky (our doc) announced the gender.

for a minute, heaven and earth were in my hands. i have never had a moment like that with any delivery. the kangaroo requires immediate skin to skin with a nurse looking over baby to make sure all is normal. this little person laid on me, crying, while i had a good half hour to take it all in. this entire pregnancy i have worried something wouldn't be right, that we had been lucky to that point, that the delivery would be horrific. my miracle was realizing what an amazing experience bringing a baby into this world can be. i had no pain and emotionally i wasn't drained because of the quick pace and amazing support. i had 5 nurses that were there to observe the new utero monitoring machine who all had at least 10-15 years each of labor and delivery experience. they were cheering me on with every push and every great milestone. my doctor was so kind and so sweet. i know doctors are notorious for bedside manner either way. i feel so lucky to have one that offers up a kind and aware disposition. the best complement i can give him is to say that his experience made me feel like he was a pro but his understanding and tenderness with scott and i made us feel like we were his first delivery.

in that moment where i was feeling no pain and taking the relief of being done in with the perfect miracle on my chest, i thought about all my trepidation, nerves, and holding back about going thru the labor. it was like everyone disappeared and for a few sweet moments i thought of everything i would have gone thru to have those moments. the thought that came to my mind was crawling to the hospital thru any circumstance to have experienced that miracle. that's the part i had forgotten. the beauty of heaven extended just to you to offer you its very best. to show you the miracle of life, the miracle of creation, and the opportunity to have your heart opened to one more thing to adore and love. i feel so blessed to have been the receiver of that memory.

my recovery has been a recovery. not always easy and a little bumpy, but having a sweet little boy at my side cooing sure makes it easier. my recovery with ella was incredibly amazing so this has thrown me for a little loop. i guess when you feel everything during labor anything seems better than feeling that. that is all i can attribute the amazingly quick recovery with ella. but, to have those amazing moments while the epidural was still working with rowan was worth every ounce of pain i have had the past 11 days. i feel incredibly lucky to have had this memory and this amazing week with my superstar husband at the helm of all of the organization and sanity at our house.

and, i know 31 seems young. but i old. i tired. seriously. i have been bearing babies for 9 years and the red head and i are bone tired. like head aching all day bone tired. the busyness of 4 kids going 4 different directions makes me so sleepy. while my life feels like a dream of goodness, sometimes i wish i was in a dream, that would mean sleep. this too shall pass and my cup runneth over, that is what i keep telling myself.

many have bluntly asked, so i bet you are done right? 4 kids pretty much translates into you have populated the whole earth with today's trends. i am a firm believer that a family is not about numbers. what resonates for me is giving yourself time to find out what your family is supposed to be. i don't think welcoming a new baby is a time to make drastic decisions either way. we all have a purpose, a plan that is just for us. as unique as our individuality. why try to be like somebody else's family? i think finding out what is meant just for you is one of life's greatest sources of joy. amen :) at least for me.

so there you have. a birth story and a sermon. it's a twofer. two for one......

the fruit of my loins emerges into this world - the picture version

2010-10-23T09:49:00.001-07:00

Rowan William Mac 10/19/10 2:58 p.m. 7 lbs. 15 ounces. 20 1/2 inches. perfection.

Ella is a pro at loving this little man. it is so sweet. the nurses at the hospital got a kick out of this onesie. it is set up like a eye chart and says: mom says if you can read this, change my diaper. unfortunately it is a 10 minute outfit, after it's been on 10 minutes, there are explosions with unfortunate consequences.......

ella was eating m&m's, telling rowan all about them.

nothing better than some cross eyed shots and a chubby toddler face filled with big sister pride.

i really don't know if he could be any more pretty, really i am so in love with this little man.

his head gets so cold. we have had to make him the roman catholic priest and cover him up.

just a few hours old meeting the other fruits of my loins.....

unfortunately ella had a horrible allergic flare up right before he was born. we made her wear the mask and go see dr. lloyd for clearance before she could meet row....

i am working on the birth story which might be a few days. i want to record these great things while they are fresh on my mind. we are doing well at this house.

my mileage is almost up

2010-10-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

i feel like all i do is blog about this bloated condition i find myself in but i only have another week of it so i will let it run the proper course here.

maybe common sense has taken over or maybe the whole forgetting about your last labor is no more true once you have successfully pushed three watermelons thru the lemon, but i have not forgotten the last labor. no sir. it was not fun. at all. and while we're on the subject, there is no fun in it, okay. don't get sentimental on a women in her 38th week. you are stuck to every beeping contraption the hospital owns, hooked up to all kinds of dripping apparatuses, and put into a shameful moo-moo for the greeting of your baby. like, hello fetus, i am your mother, like it or not this is what i am wearing. let us greet one another. and the whole thing is quite unfortunate until you hold that baby. then. well, let the sentiments flow. and then the stupid things one would say like, oh, let's not be done having babies husband, no, no, no. let's do it again, and again. okay? hold on wife, let's just enjoy this one okay.

one of the fabulous perks i am finding about this state of my swollen body is the fact that the empathy that flows from on lookers provides some what of a free pass. people take one look at the all or nothing belly and feel their pelvic bones shifting. this means they feel so sorry for your gimpy walk and condition, they bring you dinner BEFORE the baby is born. this has been quite wonderful, kind, and thoughtful from the sorrow filled onlookers. and folks, it's a site to see. all 22 pounds, right there, in the middle, hanging from my broken abdominal muscles. i also get a free pass on my mouth. for instance, yesterday i was observing that dashing red head of mine from the audience in church. he was perched up there on the stand, observing the congregation members. i noticed that his face was quite contorted and looked like he too might be having contractions. normally this is an observation i would keep to myself because who wants to be told they look like some body's skull is banging on their colon in a public setting. i contemplated this and figured i was pretty equal as far as looks at this point and since dignity flies out the door somewhere between the hospital moo-moo that will soon adorn me and the dignified straps i would be placed in, i asked him if he is in pain on the stand. was he also contracting. at first he looked hurt and then he concurred that his contorted facial problem could make for some great sunday dinner humor from the congregation. he said he would take note and possibly maybe we could work out a signal if he looks to be effacing or dilating from the stand.

also, how about being told that you can't do that because you're pregnant. well, if you only knew what i am going to have to do to get this thing out, i assure you folks, i am quite capable of most things in this condition. and that is my firm conclusion. i realize exactly what could be ahead of this mama. and this is why if i go past sunday, it will be the longest i have ever been pregnant. the doc has offered to start me and i am in no rush. i have to get serious about setting a date he says. the head is still floating around despite being transversed by the doctors hands. my abundant fluid is intoxicating to these babies, bumping, rushing, floating. their heads cannot stay down. engage baby, engage, i keep chanting to the unborn fetus which my sister has given the affectionate name of cletus the fetus. well, that was so funny i almost gave birth right then and there. cletus. oh, maybe it is only funny if you live in utah and grew up with an aunt vodice (which i always thought was a body part) or perhaps a grandpa rufus. cletus is not far off from most of our mormon heritage genealogy charts. maybe the day will come when baby cletus will be hip again. possibly deverl. i will stop now. i can feel the wincing.

so, here i sit as happy as a lark can be, because apparently a lark is quite happy.

update

2010-10-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

things are quiet here as of late,

i mean as in no baby, which honestly, is a relief! i made it, i am technically considered "full term". all of the contracting and misery up to this point has made me so incredibly happy to be 37 weeks pregnant. in fact, at my last appointment, he told me i was good to go. i am dilated and ready to go. my blood pressure has been around 120 the entire pregnancy, mostly from worry i suppose. i was back down to my regular for me 100. the nineties are what i usually chart in at. i think it just goes to show that i am realizing what a miracle 3 healthy babies are and what a body goes thru for these heavenly miracles. and at this point, i can do anything for 3 more weeks, although technically he can induce me in 2 weeks because i have met the dilation requirements. the baby's head is not down where it should be all of the time but the doctor was able to manipulate it on the last visit. again, like the last one, this pregnancy has been met with a surplus of fluid. most surprising, this baby is measuring normal, which is about 37 cm. at this point with ella, i was measuring 44cm and had had her by this point. i am grateful for chubby cheeks and would much rather kiss on those all day, so bring forth a fatty fetus!

as for happenings of significance at this house, my little ella has kept things lively. i have never had a 4 year old to greet a baby at this house, only babies. i have a preschooler greeting this bundle, what joy! and a little sadness, it is insanity when you have a house full of babies but there is something to the busyness of it all that keeps me rolling. i am nearing the end of child bearing possibly and that brings a little sadness. it is a door i am not ready to close, sniff, sniff. open it shall stay.

back to ella's entertaining antics. she is quite sure that if it is a grill (girl) baby that we should name it isabel. a boy name has not been entertained until we recently disclosed the equal possibility that is could be a boy. she proudly announced one morning that if the fetus turns testosterone upon arrival, that "little boot" should suffice for a name. i of course thought that she meant "blue" as she has been smitten with the blue's clue's series on netflix lately. she reprimanded me multiple times and let me know that indeed, she was referring to a boot that goes on your soot (foot). little boot she insists. she also insisted that her littlest pet shop was named "pothead" in the middle of the doctor's waiting room 3 times in a hella voice. i was quite sure she meant spothead. you see, she has entered a phase in which i like to refer to as phonemic awareness. all my kids at the 3-4 age did it. suddenly the pairing of sp, st, anything complex gets dropped, leaving me to believe that the spotted dog she was playing with was not pot but spot. no, indeed, 3 shrill corrections in a room full of waiting patients let me know that indeed,pothead it was.

a word on surprises.
this pregnancy has been so incredibly exciting. usually with babies greeting my babies, i share only with scotty the excitement of it all. the kids are so incredibly helpful and filled with anticipation all of the time. our sweet kind easton is sure crossing his fingers to even the score. he is outnumbered and his kind and easygoing disposition makes me wish for 10 little eastons. the girls of course are hoping to rule and reign with another addition touting estrogen. i keep reminding them all that it will be a baby no matter the color it will wear. they still love, goo, and give way to bodily functions regardless of pink or blue. i highly recommend a surprise. highly, highly. and this is coming from the queen of impatience. it has been a wonderful ride.

upon the little boot revelation, grayce lou ignited the idea that boo radley would be a fine name for a male fetus. she is so honored by the admittance to the "to kill a mockingbird" club last year, that she is begging me to read the book and also integrate this story into every part of our lives possible. it is coming time to have our annual fall family festival where we will retrieve pumpkins, have the last picnic of the season, and watch "to kill a mockingbird". i have eagerly read the book twice last month in show of my appreciation for the season and the tradition. my mother cultivated a fine thing with this great tradition and i suggest it to all. it is a fabulous saturday filled with memories to get you to the next fall.

i am also contemplating painting another pumpkin on my belly. it seems the shape (worn out and broken from three previous tenants) is right. although, it won't be near as big as ella's pumpkin, it is a fun fall pregnancy picture for sure. here is a picture which i was reluctant to take. there are very few pictures i have with pregnancy, i don't love how distorted i feel during it, but appreciate the beauty of it afterwards. but at 37 weeks, here i be.

as you can see, the sag is evident. i can hold the belly and move it up and down which tends to be something of a freak show event. "move your belly" i get requests all of the time.

the nursery is getting some bead board and a ledge tomorrow. the crib has arrived, and mercy mild, a changing table! this is the first of our babies to have new anything. also, this baby has a nursery. my fourth and my firsts all in one. benjamin moore's coventry grey with yellow accents adorn the walls and as soon as my carpenter packs up tomorrow, i will unveil the workings of my brain. what a great time i have had doing a classic, neutral room.

so, here i sign off, a dilated, pumpkin incubator!

laboring

2010-09-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

the last few weeks always feel like one long labor for me. i am one of those women who get to the day they are being started and the nurse exclaims, oh my, you are a five and 90 percent effaced. yes, i know, i have been for a few months now. i don't know why it happens to some and not to others. i envy the girl that says she is so desperate for a contraction she will often mistake gas for a contraction.

my sweet red head has taken away the labor including activities around the house for the health of my back and for the health of our child. but, yesterday the floors were so dirty. it had been a week since their last scrubbing. i had to do it. i filled up my rainbow vacuum with water, pulled out the floor attachment and went to work. 4 hours later the floors to this abode were picked up and steamed sparkly clean. unfortunately, it caused me to be on all fours with some intense back labor and contractions. while on all fours rocking back and forth, i was telling scott that i really didn't want to go into labor so soon, what was i thinking. the poor kids all looked wide eyed as they all took a chance to sneak upstairs and peek in on the 3 month labor that takes place in my body. ella was quite curious at the whole situation. she was immediately sympathetic and started rubbing my back. she didn't know it hurt to have a baby. she then proceeded to rub the upper part of my body, or the parts in which she lovingly refers to as the nursies. she has been astonished and quite curious with these body parts the past 8 months. she is quite sure there is another baby in one of those she often states publicly. anyone who knows me knows that i am the epitome of private and modest. to demonstrate this point i will call upon grayce's comment last month.

she out loud wondered when she would ever see a pregnant man. of course i laughed a chain smoker laugh that caused a scene of dry heaving laughter. then i felt guilty that the only biology talk i have ever given her includes guarding her private body parts to the tune of kicking and screaming. the talk has to come soon, i know. fourth grade will all too soon be over and i am sure many questions will be asked. pretty soon, i think the county comes along and makes an afternoon date of it at the school. why, i have always explained to the little babes at my house that the doctor simply untwists my belly button and viola! a baby comes out. the kids most willingly believe this because well, my belly button becomes quite the outtie when i am in this swollen state.

a few more weeks. if i go to the first of october, i will be thrilled. my ultra super duper fertilizer amniotic fluid has kicked in and the baby is suddenly measuring 2 weeks ahead. i had a dream last night that a cute dark haired, chubby cheeked baby slid right out of a water slide into my arms in a hospital room. it was the best labor i ever had. maybe that is how i will take on explaining the biology works of babies to my little ones. one big water slide from heaven. what a great idea, certainly my cheeks would be a much lighter shade of crimson.......

and these are just for you maryann! i ran into a good friend at the store last week and she said she read my blog and it was in need of pictures. i agreed and then remembered there is a reason, we are horrid picture takers at this house! this is me 6 months along at the beach seeking shade under the hatch.

and here at the last mac brothers wedding, four months pregnant with number 4 and further testament that pictures are a failure here. i can't get the picture to turn, boo.

day five: the vampire port

2010-08-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

upon the recommendation of some friends who have a family home in port angeles, they convinced us we must head up. i did a lot of WWW research and all of the pictures confirmed that indeed we needed to visit this place. it is on the olympic peninsula right at the foot of the olympic national forrest. that morning, we took a fairy from seattle to bainbridge island and then crossed the bridge to our destination.

this was our departing picture. i would like to take a moment to plug the ferries here. think NYC subway system on a boat. you drive your little car on for $15.00 and get across the water, but you also get phenomenal views.
this is the face of 2 people wanting their own beds and missing their babies. can you tell? also the face of two cold people on the passenger open air deck. i think it was maybe 55 degrees that day, heaven!

bainbridge island. we didn't get much time to explore as we had so much driving ahead of us.

once the ferry landed, we headed first to sequim (skwim). it is the lavender capital of something or other. lots and lots of lavender. it became apparent to us that we crave beautiful architecture that creates small towns. there were some breathtaking views all around us, but the reality is, stephanie meyers based her novels in run down indian reservation towns full of double wides. there is not a lot of charm in port angeles, forks or any surrounding towns. that shock took me a full day to digest. here is a lavender field in sequim just outside of port angeles.
once we got into town we were hungry. thankfully, i did loads of research on food. there were great reviews on everything around. we chose the asian bistro for lunch/dinner that had a great wall street journal review. i thought for sure this would be the place to indulge in seafood and pad thai, seemed the place. no, not the best idea unfortunately. give me some authentic pad thai please with tofu, eggs, bean sprouts and peanuts. this was sub par. scott's was alright. he got a honey walnut prawn dish. once we checked into our bed and breakfast, bob, the owner, pointed us to the mountains. he told us we had to do hurricane ridge before the sunset. this was the drive up.
it was a full panoramic view of the olympic peninsula, i think we went from sea level to 5500 feet elev. in about 20 minutes. it was impressive and i finally felt like i could put a smile on my face.

sarah agnes prine take two

2010-08-14T15:06:00.000-07:00

you know who sarah agnes prine is right? no? click here and buy "these is my words" today. and then, when you are done, reread it like i did. my lovely friend brooke thought real hard about what i would want for my 31st birthday and concluded that a good book and a treat were just the thing. she even stretched herself and got a treat without chocolate so i could fully enjoy and indulge.(chocolate has been poison to me this pregnancy:() so indulge i did and love i do sarah agnes prine.
i think about her (fictional i know)life and feel strength. so as the snake situation was unfolding, with my pregnant belly, i just felt a little sarah in me. i kept joking that while i was getting ready for my evening of cooking for a gathering of women, i was going to put on my green rubber boots and strap a shovel to my waist to keep my assets all safe and protected from the visitor.

this morning i sat around with wet hair in jammies after my shower. i needed to not be needed today, so all i did was answer the phone. first a salesman, and then kaylene.

my dear sweet, i want to be like her when i grow up, neighbor, kaylene called. usually she flows on the phone when we talk, she just kind of paused this time. she finally got out that she had a visitor about an hour after my visit with the slithering fellow. she was innocently gardening in her lot kitty corner adjoining mine that is separated by a fence. pulling weeds, admiring the handy work of the harvest when she nonchalantly looked over to see the biggest reptile she could imagine. overcome with disbelief about the size of the middle of this snake, her screams brought out neighbors inside their homes. her own flesh and blood thought she had discovered a body in the garden. something atrocious for sure.

she was so startled to look over and see this visitor's middle, that she didn't even get a look at it's head or tail. her son went out and confirmed that the tail was indeed a pattern of stripes and not rattles. it didn't matter to kaylene. she declared that the garden was closed. weed patch it was the rest of the year and no one was allowed out ever never ever.

she confided to me that she has come across rattlers without such a reaction, but the sheer monstrous size of that snake took her hours to calm down from. that and i am sure the proximity to her were her undoing. she was still shaky recalling the incident to me this morning.

right after her call this morning alaska called me. he laughed at the incident because he is after all mountain man. he recollected about 25 run ins with rattlers thru the years. some have lurched at him after he provoked them, never bitten him. he attested to their non aggressive ways stating that they have to be provoked incredibly to get a bite. i am sure that is what that bear fella said before he was eaten alive too. beware alaska brother, beware!

his story of the week involved his camping trip last week where he had a black bear running thru the campground and how his biggest concern was all the good gourmet food they had brought up was going to get eaten. he was packing that stuff up faster than he was looking to see where the bear was headed or mace for that matter. he has priorities you know.

so there you have it, my sarah agnes prine tale. kaylene confirmed that it was large, maybe 4 feet with a middle the size of my calf, and that is no tall tale.

the day i got to channel my inner sarah agnes prine

2010-08-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

thursday my church commitments required me to be at the church and staffed with a babysitter by 9:50am. i also had a large relief society gathering that night at my house. so, my day was laid out on paper, scheduled, and offered no time for dilly dally. no time at all. i even thought about scheduling bathroom breaks for myself because i get into these zones, it can prove dangerous.

as my mom was pulling out of my house at 9:47am after dropping uncle kyle off to babysit, she quickly returned begging me out the front door privately. she just kept pointing and saying, "what are we going to do?" she was in a panic zone. she related to me that as she was pulling out she saw a visitor coming up the lane. i mean a visitor. and as the story gets relayed over and over let's put the SNAKE at 4 feet long, okay?

as if the slithering creature had turned on its blinker from the main busy road, it was headed right up to my house with purpose. right up to my house. headed up to say hello. in the snippets of story from my mother and what i could process because i was on a schedule, i got bits of diamond back pattern and look at the end of the tail, it looks like rattles. she told me that as she was in her fancy and heavy car pulling out, upon the discovery of this slithering creature, she threw a water bottle out the window at the large snake. her intent was to see if it would coil so she could decipher if our lives were hanging in the balance or not. it didn't coil and her heavy car pulled right back up my driveway and not over the unwelcome visitor. she later confieded that she didn't want to have to clean up the guts.....

there were also other viewers from our bay window keeping an eye on the situation. of course today we are laughing, but yesterday my mother froze. she was asking me, do i run over it with my car? what do i do? yes, yes mom, run over that bad boy with your big heavy car, i kept insisting. but she couldn't. you would have been scared too at the sight of this monstrosity.

with my basketball belly, i bolted next door to the current house being built. there were manly, jacked up trucks parked in front and i thought that surely our answer would be found with all of the testosterone in the construction. surely. the first man i saw acted like he understood english until i said snake. that was met with backing away and saying no, no, no in his accented english. i kept begging if he would come dehead this bad boy with a sharp tool or shovel. he kept at his no, no, no.
upon my return to my house, i was informed that the snake did indeed make it to my house and burrowed into a hole in the front yard.

at this point i am thinking that a rattler lives in my weed infested yard and has underground paths and homes of eggs and mates all over. my poor mother is still frozen repeating, should i run over it with my car? all i knew was that my schedule did not allow for such diversions and i was needed down the street to give rides to girls for our adventure. i should have thought it thru more, contemplated that instead of a resident at my home, this snake was the traveling kind. why, he might be headed to my neighbors.

instead, i called the redhead after an hours contemplation and also upon hearing that my friend in the car, who lives up the street, had to evacuate a rattler living on her front porch last year. so i put the redhead in charge of the removal of the snake. since he and animal control are in each other's cell phones now, he got his friend on the line. mr animal control reported that it is indeed illegal to kill a rattler, but please kill it and don't call me. catch it and call me. he also reassured me that it was more than likely a blow snake. they imitate a rattler with patterns on their back and also markings on the tail looking to be rattles.

by afternoon the tale was spreading about our run in. i kept retelling the tale and had people show up in the front yard with hoes and shovels swiping along my sidewalk. also, advice that wasp spray aimed at the snakes face will kill it deader than heck. i wanted it deader that heck too i said. by the end of the day, i felt like i was crying wolf. really. a 4 foot snake with a middle the size of my thigh, okay, maybe my calf? well, that's how i felt until my back yard neighbor called me this morning.....
(to be continued)

job

2010-08-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

it's been almost a year now with a new job for scotty. we are at the reflective stage as we comprehend how great life is.

sometimes i don't think scott divulges the full extent of how great his job is. his surgeon said is best last week when he commented that a PA and a surgeon partnership is really like a marriage, you never know what you are going to get.

this being the third "marriage" in scott's career, we are very incredibly happy. his doc is incredibly human and realistic. like last night for instance. i had the entire relief society coming over while we had 30 minute meal demos. i was a crazy mess for 2 weeks readying the house, getting a meal ready to demo and such. scott found out that their typical home for dinner schedule was not going to happen. blake was so kind and accommodating, letting him off early so he could come home and grab the kiddos for me. scott of course felt guilty and blake was the one making him feel justified in leaving.

we have decided that a job comes down to lifestyle. scott has been offered multiple jobs this past year (he must be great!). in fact, 2 last month. it comes down to more than a paycheck, really.
if you have full confidence in your surgeon as a PA, your life is good. one of the best parts about this current dig is that scott works for 1 doc. not 60, not a corporation, but one. we have noticed the most difference in that fact alone. with the other jobs there was always something on the table the "big wigs" were taking away, or fighting on. it just wore on scott day after day to go into battle mode.

with this job, he gets to go in, and, gasp, practice medicine. the only stress comes from what normally should in this line of work. super important. we feel incredibly lucky.

here is a cool write up about blake. this story was actually featured in our local paper and picked up by multiple national news sources. i think "the doctors" in LA have actually contacted him too.
because scott doesn't take call, he wasn't in on the initial surgery. but he was assisting when they put the skull back together and did the follow up visit to remove the staples. this was a miraculous story and sure makes anyone feel like god is real. (to get the full story click each picture and a the story unfolds)

i think it odd that scott didn't even mention this surgery day to me. 4 days a week of spine and brain and i guess this is just part of his day. i had to hear about it when my mom asked if i knew about it after it ran on the front page of the paper.

four days in, four to go

2010-08-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

pikes market place is one of my favorites. it is an absolute must if you are anywhere near the seattle vicinity. it is a permanent mass farmers market with some of the most unique products and delectable food. there is every kind of everything you can imagine. give yourself a couple of hours for this. it is downtown so parking can be tricky, and it is crowded. we opted to go on a monday when it would be less crowded. as you can see, it was still busy.

our first stop was piroshky piroshky. it is a fantastic russian bakery with breaded delicacies that cater to the belly's content. the dough they use is similar to a croissant, very buttery and flaky. scott opted for the bavarian cream and i dove into the cheddar cheese roll. we washed it down with a puot,plum, peach, and strawberry smoothie from another street vendor. it was quite heavenly. my cheddar roll won the prize and could account for 3 of the 9 pound gain.

i think it is very comical to look back at pictures scott took of me. one of my biggest discomforts is having my picture taken on vacation. i feel so vain. i don't know why, but it is like a root canal for me. so this is me, pretending to be happy on vacation, which i am, but having to appease my redhead because i love him so. the fruit behind me is the stuff they used in the smoothie, i can almost taste it now.

this picture doesn't do justice to the flowers that line the vendors shops. they were fabulous.

here is a sampling of some of the fresh seafood available for purchase. oh to be a local here......

the flowers. there are masses and masses of these flowers that the sweet oriental ladies are going crazy making nonstop. these bunches? they sell for $5-$20. the ones pictured are the $10 bunches. oh, to be a local. the smell they infuse the market with makes for a great memory.

for lunch we settled on pike's place chowder. they offer a 4 sampler and have won every chowder competition they enter. it was 75 degrees that day and so we were pushing it with hot soup, but it was worth every bite. we did include a cold tomato gazpacho with shrimp that helped cool us down. it was worth it. there was also a cheese shop that boasted the best mac and cheese around, i believe them. the line was half a block. if we were to go back, we probably would have ventured into the line.

there are tons of homeless in seattle. my take on it is the abundance of artistic and ridiculously talented folks who gather up there. i have never seen such homelessness abound in any big town before. this picture is of me watching a teen aged boy lay down on a cement block with his pillow and sleep like there are not 40 million people around him. he was dirty and had pajama pants on but could probably get into julliard with violin skills or something. it is a different crowd up there....i do love my people watching.

we headed down to the aquarium after a couple of hours soaking and strolling pikes. we found an awesome map shop just above the market. we spent quite a bit of time in there and finally settled on a 1500's map of the world to frame for the house. it is really cool. the aquarium is mr zoology's thing. as is the zoo and other living creature exhibits. those places just make me sad looking at all those caged things. i liken it to dogs or cats coming to see people at the jailhouse. it seems odd to look at creatures out of their environment in a glass cage people bonk on all day. oh well. scott said it was nice.

we went to ivar's for fish and chips. someone told us they would walk on glass for ivars. the reviews all over were phenomenal. they have a fine dining place as well. i am hoping the reviews were talking about that place. the fish and chips stand was nothing to holler about. we shared a little boat of them. they did have malt vinegar though, and the englishman red head said that is an authenticity marker. he longs for the days of fish and chips in leeds, england wrapped in newspaper with malt vinegar. sigh.

anyway. after a stroll along the waterfront we decided to attack molly moon's ice cream shop across town. we liked the girl scout thin mint and decided the line would be worth it.

i am still out on molly moon's ice cream. it is run by a bunch of tree hugging organic save the earth nuts. now, i am on board with conservation, really i am. this felt really trendy to me and so i don't know if it has lasting merit. the line was outrageous, around the block long. and, the other thing that has me hung up is that it is not a sweet ice cream. i got the salted caramel and scott had the theo chocolate. i just don't know how i feel about wasting calories on ice cream if it won't suffice my sweet tooth. this place also had a roasted garlic flavor and often boasts a bacon ice cream served atop hot oatmeal with dried fruit. the salted caramel tasted just like it sounded with the salt overpowering any sweetness. even the chocolate was not sweet. it was densely flavored with cocoa but not sweet. hmm. i just don't know what to tell you. i guess it is worth a try to experience a non sweet treat. the service stinks there too. the employees acted like they were put out that they were busy. hello, kids. when you work at a crazy popular ice cream place, you won't get many breaks. if it isn't worth $10 an hour, go somewhere else. they horn rimmed glasses employee was ordering customers to stand here, move here and just jumped in whenever he wanted to serve someone. he was probably the owner. oh well. i am out on this one. i liked the girl scout thin mint. the cookie rendered a sweet element but it was served with vanilla. it needed to be paired with a rich chocolate. anyway. that was the ending to the day. it was right nice.....

ruff ruff

2010-08-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

it seems like the hot topic around our house the last of june and all of july has been the red heads dog bite. you can see from the picture below that it wasn't something people ignored. it was right there on his face. right in the middle. this picture can't do the swelling justice. his nose was spliced across the rim and the puncture on his head got to the size of a quarter with infection.

it happened one summer night when he decided to go out jogging. i told him that's what he gets for exercising. he should have stayed home with his incubating wife and eaten ice cream;)

he had just helped the neighbor locate some horses that were thought to be missing. he hadn't been gone for more than 10 minutes. i already told you about the call that made me embarrassed because i laughed so hard. a call telling me my husband was bit on the nose by a dog. i could only picture him dragging his nose along the road to get such punishment. i didn't end up seeing him until the next evening because he spent the night in the ER and got up early for a full day of surgery.

my husband was innocently running along the road. some people were coming off a mountain hike and their trail just happened to intersect with the road scott was running on. these people happen to live a few houses down from the trail and let their 2 large boxers off their leash. scott heard some yelling thru his ipod and took out his speakers. a jogger for these dogs was like a moving target. he decided to stop running as they were right on his heels. they both came up to his waist. he went to pet the one that was acting up and bent his head about 2 inches when the other one lunged at his face. no bark, no growl, nothing. you can see where the jaw was open and got him. he said before he realized what was happening he had this reaction to jerk back. he didn't know why he did this but it coincided with when the boxer clamped his jaw down. just as scott's head came up he saw a jaw clamp down in front of his face. he is incredibly lucky to have his nose still in tact although he now boasts a good scar.

this has been an eye opening experience for us. in our county, a dog can bite three times before it has to be put down. pathetic. why do people buy big dogs? i wonder if these dog owners realize the history of a boxer. boxers were bread to kill cows and take them down at the face, suffocating it. that is why this one went for the face, it's what boxers do. scott was in line with two other dog bites at the er that night. his was the best outcome as the other unfortunate victims were getting their faces put back on in the operating room all night.

every ER staff member told him that boxers, pit bulls and rottweilers are their only offenders in the ER. They are fighting dogs.

of course when this first happened the dog owners were beside themselves, reassuring us they were going to put the dog down. they have small children and didn't want to take any chances. after a day had passed we got a loaf of bread and a promise that they will use a chain to keep the dog restrained along with some training.

this was probably one of the hardest things scott has had to go thru. he really struggled with being upset with these people. he kept saying, why would they waste their free warning on a nice guy like me that won't sue them? his anger came from thoughts of the dog doing this again and the fault being with him because he didn't put up a stink about the dog being put down.

he had me take the above picture in his angry phase, just in case it needed to be documented.

the dog owners kept calling and scott had to leave their calls unreturned. i told him not to call until his anger was gone, that was an okay thing to do. so after a month he ran into them. his anger has dissolved but he didn't side step with them. he told them he is scared to run past thier house now and he hopes they are using a chain......

some people.

day three

2010-08-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

day three was a down day. day two put me into contraction fest. i let scotty go to sleep that night without mentioning i was timing those bad boys. they also started to hurt, really bad. i was one constant prayer that night. i did not want to spend the rest of the vacation in the hospital. i was pumping fluids like they were going out of style and laying on my left side. i know the drill.

that morning we went to a great worship service in seattle and had a really low key morning. we decided after to hit Voula's offshore cafe.

this place is other planet. not only the food, but this place is a religion. people are sold on voula's. so is guy feiri. HERE is the clip of their appearance on triple D (diners, drive ins and dives).
we got there around 11am. when we pulled up, the crowds were outrageous. you actually signed a check in sheet outside the restaurant and waited for the gal to come out and call your name. you waited and you waited. i thought for sure that once you got in, food would be eminent to rescue a starving woman and her fetus. our waitress said it right when she said Voula's is like torture, entertainment and pure indulgence. the wait outside is only half the battle, because once you get in, the show begins.

i was mesmerized by the show. really, 3 guys, cooking every order one at a time. it was a precise science that was fascinating. we didn't even talk to one another we were so entertained. it took a good 45 minutes for us to get our food. i went with the smoked salmon scramble and scotty partook in the chili verde, smoked pork, benedict. they were both ridiculous. it was one crazy experience. and that guy in the above photo to the far right? the guy. voula's son. i felt kind of famous.

by this time, it was well after 1 o'clock and i was due for a nap. the religious experience had put me over the edge, old voula's. so my patient husband sat in the stinky hotel, while i slept in the stinky hotel. boo.

we roused that evening and headed over to the ballard section of seattle to see the ballard locks and the salmon run. it was a good way to spend an afternoon. we browsed the botanical gardens, watched the boats fill the lock system, and then meandered to the salmon run. it was a beautiful stroll.

then. for dinner. we worshipped triple D again. we went to bizarro italian. when guy said that the clam fettuccine made his top 5, i knew we couldn't miss out. it was other planet amazing. they didn't even complain when we asked to split. we had a wonderful appetizer that were these cheese balls. they were centered with fresh mozzarella, surrounded in risotto and then breaded and topped with a roasted red pepper reduction. the whole meal was fantabulous and could just be my favorite meal. the pasta is made on site so it is fresh, add to taht the salted pork and succulent clams. oh honey. it was fantastic.

one of my favorite parts was discovering that molly moon ice cream was served there. i had read amazing incredible things about molly moons. i had also read about the line, so to be able to avoid that peaked my interest. we shared the girl scout thin mint ice cream and were pretty pleased. ( i will give my full review on molly moons on tuesday when we go there and wait in line officially)

on my way

2010-08-05T17:09:00.001-07:00

i have issues with food. i love it, love it, i love it.

i do. but i also have discretion about it too. i have the desire to weigh myself everyday which proves daunting when you are on a mission to gain weight to accommodate a growing fetus. i have always weighed the same with each delivery. always. the only part i like about being pregnant in the summer, which i have done 4 times now, is that your summer eating is pretty healthy. with number 2 being born in december, i could definitely see how much harder it was to loose the weight after. it just stuck more. there was not a fest of summer fruits and vegetables during the most pound retaining part. no sir. it was full of turkey and christmas desires.

i feel nearly like a martyr with all the posts of indulgence on our vacation regarding food. but today when i went into the doctor's office. well, he had to "talk" to me about the large amount of weight i had gained the past month. i had gained almost as much this past month as i had the entire pregnancy. when i asked how much i had gained, he chuckled and told me 9 pounds.

9 fraggin pounds in one month. now, to my credit. 2 visits ago the scale boasted 6 pounds and he told me to watch it. last month 1 pound and they figured that their scales had been off. so this go around i promised him there was a vacation involved and i would eat watermelon the whole rest of the pregnancy and to check his scales. he reassured me that i was just fine and on track to gain my regular 30. but still. 9 pounds. i called scott up and told him to write me a note for a handi sticker, his wife was on her way to morbid obesity. my blood pressure was 120. 120. me. i am lucky to pull a 100. sometimes i would go in and it would be in the 90's. so 120 for me was as good as a stroke. let's pick out the casket already.

now these thoughts may seem incredibly irrational to any one's eyes reading this. but my phobia has been discovered. i have an intense fear of gaining weight. i have been there. i dieted all thru high school and beyond. there is no worse way to live that knowing you need to loose weight. really. for me the worry of what health problems i will have from gaining weight are enough to put my husband in the loony bin. like all afternoon, i have told him that i am sure i am one ice cream scoop away from diabetes, one dessert away from a stroke, one night away from severe sleep apnea. he is glad he is working late tonight, that can be sure.

the poor doctor. i told him he gave me a hot flash with the news and at first he laughed until he saw the tears in my eyes and my beet red face. he thought i was joking. he spent the rest of the time reassuring me that i am just fine, not to worry. 20 pounds of weight gain by 29 weeks is normal and regular, just don't do it again kind of thing. i told him i was fine with 20 pounds, but 9 of it in one month. oh lawsy. my blood pressure is spiking retelling the tale......

day two

2010-08-04T20:17:00.001-07:00

day two was jam packed. we were like two desert travelers soaking up our seattle time. we started out right at sweet iron waffles. they claim the best leige waffle in the country. guess what? they're right. i had heard review after review of nothing but bravo from this little place. each reviewer swore they were in europe. the concept of these waffles is a batter that is raised and in the waffle maker there are sugar crystals that form the most beautiful crust of sweetness around these babies. they are worth the trip alone. right down town, a few blocks up from pikes market.
scotty had the brie with fresh basil. he was in heaven and would talk about it everyday. i opted for the bacon and pure maple syrup. it was absolutely divine. i can't say enough about these waffles. we also felt really lucky because there were only two people there. we heard these kids comment that this was the first time the line wasn't out the door. 3 tables and a maximum occupancy of 12 made me very glad we beat the crowd.
snoqualmie falls was next. i loved the drive thru the mercer island tunnel, thru issaquah and into this scenic falls area. it was so stupendous. really, really lovely. it was a balmy 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky.

after our hike around the falls we drove around mercer island. i don't know what draws me to this place. it is busy and crowded, but offers some charm that has me captivated. just off downtown and before the eastern side. we spotted this little teeny sign that touted a public beach. scott missed the road because it was so small. we found the parking lot with another downward hike. i geared up for this steep trail and was rewarded with this.
the coolest beach. they have sectioned off for public use with these cool docks and even have lifeguards. it was so famous as ella would say. anything wonderful to her gets claimed as famous, except she can't say f so she says samous. melt me. we sat for a while, taking in the amazing weather and the beautiful water view.

after the falls and the beach, our waffles were long gone and left our bellies begging for more, more, more. this little cafe was the hook to get me on this trip. we loved this place on our honeymoon 10 years ago. we kept speculating about the quality and if ten years ago our tastes might have changed. we were a little off on the distance and were ravenous hungry by the time we got there. it was up the I5 north and at the bottom of chuckanut drive. i had forgotten the funky vibe but not the chocolate ice cream. we were thrilled again to have the place to ourselves. i guess vacation appetites made for no crowds for us, eating at odd times.

we got so lucky as to be at the Rhodie cafe during their celebration of the islands. scott went with pan fried oysters while i ventured out for the shrimp, crab island cakes. they were full of coconut, mango and tender sections of sweet shrimp and buttery crab. it was pure indulgence. and then....

it was time for dessert. we chose the cooked butter and sugar bananas with their chocolate ice cream. normally this lovely dessert is served with vanilla, but i twisted their arm. and oh, was it worth the twist. the cocoa flavor is so intense, i can't even say the ice cream is cold. it essentially captivates what semi cold fudge would be like. it was 10 minutes of pure, sweet indulgence and a memory to make me happy to be alive, seriously.

the rhodie cafe is at the bottom of chuckanut drive which overlooks the san juan islands. it is the most healing drive. it will wipe away any hurt from your past. no joke. for half of it you are surrounded by mass trees, hugging you like a blanket.
the other part of the drive gives you glimpses of the water dotted with small islands.

and then, there are small pull offs with campgrounds and fishing spots. it was why we applied for a job in the town. really, the rhodie and chuckanut. we did it all for them.......pathetic? i just know what i love.
we ended the evening by taking a stroll along the bellingham bay boardwalk.

it was a fantastic day. it was as much fun retelling it too!!! i forget that relishing the vacation is as much fun as being there, well maybe......

day numero uno in seattle

2010-07-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

it came and went. the big trip. 8 days. what can i say. we hadn't been on a real vacation since our honey moon to seattle 10 years ago. we are so lame. we talked the whole time about our practicality. sigh. and how i am a homebody. i don't love being hot, so beach excursions are out. seeing how i am married to a red head, he whole heartidly agrees that beaches won't be our venue. but we haven't ever been so we can't knock it. i guess i am trying to say that seattle at 60-75 degrees was perfect for us.

day one was filled. i mean filled. driving. eating. eating.

the first sign of our vacation that indicated it was going to be good was being greeted by mt. rainier. i went on many business trips to seattle in my single days. the weather is a hot topic, also a hot topic, if you can or cannot see the ghostly volcano. guess what we saw everyday? not a cloud in sight for the first 5 days.

the above picture was taken from a little pull out in magnolia park. we weren't sure what to expect when we pulled up in this upscale neighborhood. we saw the park and didn't realize it was for parking and enjoying the view from your car. when we arrived there was only one other car there and the occupants of that car emerged from a staircase. we naturally thought that at the bottom of this staircase, there would be a dramatic view. on we plunged. 140 steps later, it was nothing but a private residential road. i was steadily contracting by the time we reached the bottom of the stairs. on the way up, i was doing the breathing of intense labor. it set the precedent for the trip. steps everywhere and contractions to match. i was up to 40-50 contractions a day, trying to keep a smile on my face and out of the hospital.

so, i turned to food for this trip as my happy place since getting anywhere seemed to be a challenge.

i did my research on the food, the scale doesn't lie either. it was a sad state of affairs after i weighed in this morning. sigh, sigh, scream. i have never gained that much weight on a trip. oh well. scotty even ran every morning along the shore and still gained almost as much as my vegetative self. so there.

the first day we sought out salumi. mario batali opened this one up. actually, we heard all kinds of locals contradict this. many say it is his parents that run it. regardless, his name is tied to this place.

the concept it meat. pig meat. on a sandwich, by the slice or by the pound. fresh mozzarella and other exotic cheeses. pasta, soup. it came highly recommended by every food critic i stumbled across. it didn't disappoint..

this was my dish of pasta with fresh basil and cherry tomatoes with a little balsamic and olive oil. it was so incredibly fresh and light. i loved it. below is scotty fully taken and smitten with his lomo sandwich. i mean smitten. it was all he could talk about the rest of the time.

the place is crazy wild. it is this hallway with a smashed in sandwich bar. after the register there is one table, family style. sit down, eat with locals and visitors alike. they have glasses for water and silverware in vintage anchovy crates. super cool. we opted to visit at 3 and 3:30 ( we went twice) and still had to wait in line 20 minutes. it is a hot spot, and i feel lucky to have eaten there. the hours are tuesday to friday 11-4. must go in seattle.

the rest of the day was spent enjoying the beautiful coast line. we were able to see incredible mountain ranges all around us. i didn't even know they existed because every time i had been there previous, they were hidden in the cloudy ocean mist.

we also partook in a greek place that isn't worthy of a review even though it came highly recommended. the roasted lamb sandwich was good, but nothing compared to salumi. also, the day of arrival, we checked into our hotel. i am a realist. truth be told. it stunk. literally and figuratively. it was right next to the housing authority of seattle. it was one with a kitchenette which is a great concept until the asian family showed up with 3 coolers full of food. every night the smell put me into tears. the bed was so hard after just a few minutes our behinds or sides would be numb. it was awful. really. my poor husband took full blame even though it was a joint decision about the hotel, we had no idea. we wanted to be close to the city without paying the price. boo. it was a good thing we had a bed and breakfast to look forward to in a couple of days.

ninety two

2010-07-10T11:37:00.001-07:00

last week in my 3 hour mormon block of worship, a question was posed to the class as to a creation that testified of a god. you see, we were studying psalms, and so poetic and beautiful were the words, that the question was given to us as to what stirs our hearts and testifies. you can imagine the varied answers as many members of the class have grown up in different parts of the country. we heard beauty described in fireflies and swamps, mountains and red rock. one man made the comment that a newborn baby and the miraculous components of creation testify to him that certainly, for those few precious moments that heaven touches earth to bring this baby here, can reassure any human being that there is a god.

his sweet perspective stirred my thoughts to this lovely woman. as sweet as any baby coming to this earth, surely the latter years of a life well lived bring about the same emotions.

i was overcome with her beauty. the beauty of a life that leaves a wrinkle or two. the beauty of an evening spent with her, chatting in her backyard on a lawn chair, her wisdom overflowing. or perhaps a meal shared with her and her appreciation of the effort and taste as only one who has prepared her share of meals in 92 years can do. the wisdom of a life accumulated with trial and heartache and also the beauty of resilience and persistence to carry on. her face represents to me an unwavering belief that jesus is the christ, that god surrounds us, and that life is beautiful.

so, i declared that sabbath day that helen c. was my favorite creation. every day of her 92 year accumulation here on earth offers to me the beauty of a sunrise in the face of bounteous blessings and also the calm a sunset offers thru life's struggles. to her on this, her day of birth, i offer my heartfelt praise of 92 years well lived. my grateful heart for citizenship in a country that i love that wouldn't be possible if she hadn't had the strength to leave her country as a young woman to discover a new chapter and a new life. a life that proves that everything is as it should be.

i have immense hope in the face of life's ever abounding twists and turns that everything will be okay with the stalwart anchors she passes to each of us, her posterity, thru every trial prayerfully complete. how blessed i am to be able to claim her, my favorite creation. happy birthday grandma helen. to you i owe thanks to yet another precept and line added to my deep conviction of a loving father's creations.

his jobs are done

2010-07-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

at the first trimester the house had to go on a little vacation. my attention to it became only the observation of the collecting dust and dishes. the sickness of that first few months overtook function a housewife performs. take out became a staple as touching food made me ill. scotty tried to fill in the blanks of my misery but we were falling apart. i tend to get blue and down when routine is abandoned and i can assure you that there was some blue around here. as soon as 18, 19 weeks ensued the light started to shine down. i could eat without hours of misery and the migraines were haulting. my signs that the ugh was over and the honeymooning phase was beginning. the not too big and feeling good part.

the second trimester has been met with other issues this time around. mostly, my body is worn out. the equipment is used and needs some tune ups apparently. a herniated disc, the S something or other joints (hips) are so bothered during pregnancy, and the split abdomen that was so apparent with the pumpkin belly shot.

that pumpkin apparently spilt my abs right down the middle, leaving a fist size gap. that apparently makes your back and hips hurt everyday when a new pumpkin is growing. scotty fixed me up with a brace to hold the pumpkin up, that helps but it leaves much to be desired in the fashion department. it is not something i can wear to the store, i just can't do it.

also on the list of no no's are bending and twisting, lifting of anything or even pulling. now, try to be a mother and house wife with that on your plate. i was determined i needed a housekeeper. alice sounds good to me, it worked for the brady's. but then the money phobia is brought into play. so, my nice husband stepped up and for the first time in his life took to scrubbing toilets. (insert gasp). it does help my cause that he helps repair herniated discs 4 days a week. he is well aware of the damage done from being a housewife with a pumpkin in tow. the laundry gets done and my floors get cleaned and steamed once a week. it has been incredibly hard. period. he already has a full time job.

the other day a friend called, wanting to see if we could accompany them to a local fireworks show. did we have anything going, were we busy? why no, in fact scott got all his jobs done last night and we are ready for a party. the receiving end of this conversation (a male) was quite giggly. i had to explain.

so, that is the situation at our house. my dear, sweet husband has realized the role his cleaning hands will play in the next few months until the egg has hatched and yes, i love him everyday for it....

10 years

2010-07-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

yesterday we celebrated a 10 year milestone in the marriage department. it was very exciting. the milestone you know. big things for the ten year, right? no. not in my current state. i could've stayed home all day and enjoyed this phase of being a homebody, really. i am so laid back right now which is so unlike me. i usually dream of some culinary pleasure to go partake of on an occasion like this but with my blossoming middle my dreams usually come true on my own stomping grounds with all things familiar.

my kind husband has caught on to this and knew to take the day off and get a babysitter for the evening, not even daring to book a restaurant knowing my predicament. we ended up at our favorite japanese place and a movie. that seemed right. although my knee was bouncing thru the movie. something about vampires. i would've have much more enjoyed reading a good book for 2 hours, but it was in the name of celebration.

with all of the homebody{ness} in mind, my gift was quite crazy. number one, we are not gifters. we don't gift each other or really enjoy being gifted. it's crazy i know. now, i do love a thoughtful gift from a dear friend or family member. my last birthday was perfect and every gift given was spot on. this may make me sound ungrateful, i just have a money spending disorder. i hate spending money or money spent on me unless it is food. there, my darkest secrets revealed.

anyway, i woke early, and found the redhead showered and dressed with a note telling me to go to the computer downstairs. as i did, all kinds of thoughts cluttered my head. mostly, i was scolding him, reminding him of the gifting issue. he just smiled. i read a real fancy note from him and then read the part about going back to seattle for a week where we spent our honeymoon. the hook, line and sinker for me was how he asked me to join him at the Rhodie cafe on chuckanut drive. see, the food thing got me. this little cafe is other planet good. i can't even touch the beauty of being on the coast and eating at this place. it is heaven. and then the fact that i was trying to recall vacations we had taken in the past since our honeymoon. and i thought, yes. that one cruise, er well no. that one time we...... ugh. we did go to the wedding in milwaukee for 3 whole days and 2 nights, that was a first for us. so. the deal was sealed. i was in and i think scotty was as shocked as i was that i agreed, in my condition and all.

please don't be fooled into thinking we don't date each other or go on a yearly overnighter. we do, we do. we are great daters and are faithful to the once a year made possible by my parents christmas generosity. it is just the multiple day situation that gets me frenzied.

so in a few weeks, we will be northwest coast bound with kind grandmas picking up the slack at home. i am not taking any guilt into it either, it's pretty pathetic we haven't had a getaway since the honeymoon. i am fully aware that my growing middle will soon be a baby that will need me for a good 2 years. the no break, consume every ounce of you, two years. and, believe me, i am happy to oblige ;)

an unfortunate side effect

2010-06-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

in the beginning of my pregnancy i was incredibly emotional which is highly unlike me. i am not a cry at the drop of a hat gal. there were two times i cried this pregnancy because my husband hurt my feelings, my husband. anyone who knows him is rolling their eyes right now because webster defined kind after they met him. i was constantly feeling the need to cry the first 4 months. i hated it. it felt incredibly out of control, and me. well, i like being in control.

the emotions of crying have left and this odd phenomenon has taken over. just to make me feel better, i have read that it happens to pregnant women, often times in labor. but whenever something happens that would normally cause someone real sensitive to cry, a laugh comes out of me that could give a 30 year chain smoker something to be jealous about. i mean, can't stop, dry heaving it hurts so much to laugh. it happens when a deep emotion is meant to be evoked in a bad situation and instead of my normal, not pregnant, panic and concern routine, i turn into a dry heaving laugher. the laugh is contagious, for i am a sight to behold. i've noticed that whenever it's happened, the one with me is also laughing, probably at my laugh. the circumstances are usually unfavorable and, oh dang, involve my husband.

chain smoker laughing fit number uno

i was piddling for the 1,257,344 time one day when a large crash was heard throughout the house. i came out sure that someone was dead at the bottom of the hardwood staircase to find my husband holding his arm and grabbing his bottom left cheek. he had fallen. from the top to the bottom and couldn't stop. in one second i was so glad someone wasn't dead, and then to see he was walking, that's when it started. i wanted to cry or lament, do something with the burst of emotion trapped inside but instead only the chain smoker laugh abounded. i knew it was inappropriate because he was rubbing his hind haunches and giving himself an ER evaluation. i could only hear snippets of an ulnar or was it radar something or other and the possible need for a cast, then he threw in hairline in reference to his arm, all the while rubbing his lower extremity. i was following him with my hand on his back, holding the giggles in, biting my lip.

after five minutes, it got to the unbearable point. all this emotion pent up, wanting to come out in a 20 minute chain smoker laugh. and that it did. spit was flying everywhere from holding it in so long and the tears. oh the tears, streaming down my face. streaming and then the dry heaving. it was painful the laughing was so intense. of course, this was such a site, my husband joined in laughing. pretty soon i was back in the bathroom, dry heaving thru the tears and laughter, all the while thinking stop, stop, stop. it hurts.

situation number 2

last night only a few short moments after scott (this is setting a bad precedent for who this happens to) set out on a nightly run, i got a call from someone we know telling me he was with scott and a dog bit his nose.

what the .....

okay. this man then asked if i could come and get scott.

well, okay.

he told me where they were and just as i was ready to load up and go retrieve the nose, i got another call from the same fellow. never mind, would you call scott's dad and have him pick scott up. he needs to go to a doctor. my sensitive pregnant self felt rejected by the demotion but the normal person knew he was trying to shield me from any hassle at 10:00 at night with three kids, 2 sleeping and one with a belly ache still up and biting at my ankles. all this emotion taken into consideration, the chain smoker came alive. i called his dad, trying to tell him in between the giggles and laughing what had happened. trying to apologize for the laughing and blaming it on the pregnancy, i was a mess. i couldn't stop the chain smoker in me. i had emotion, it had to get out. he should've disowned me right then.

a few minutes later it was determined the hospital's ER was needed as a few more assessed the situation. i then called my parents house to see if someone could come sit at my house while i accompanied the injury and my husband for support to the hospital. the problem was, my little sister answered the phone and the laughing was in full swing. i couldn't get it out, it took bouts and bouts of laughing, pinching and dry heaving to get it out. she was laughing so hard at my laughing that by the time she realized what had happened, she couldn't understand why i was laughing. the end of this fit was coming, i could tell, the dry heaving was about to begin. i told her i would call her right back.

meanwhile my husband came home to get insurance info and comfy clothes to sit the night out at the er waiting for his nose and forehead to be stitched back to normal. the fit was over and now only occasional dry heaving i was able to conceal. i was able to see that he still had a nose but that some dog had it out for him. he was going to be okay. i also still don't have the full story. i called his surgeon last night to let him know scott might not be at work due to this strange incident, he graciously excused scott from all surgical duties to heal from the whatever it was i didn't know about. i passed this along to my red head only to find him not in bed this morning. i was with the ankle biter belly ache last night late when he got home and didn't get any info in the passing. i tried telling this to the 3 concerned callers who dialed our digits before 9:00 am this morning, wanting status updates on the incident and injury. all i could offer was that i think there was a multi-level fusion on the docket today which could mean 6 hours or 9 hours of OR. maybe by dinner i will know how his nose got involved with a dog on his nightly run.

furniture and decor

2010-06-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

so so glad i have taken part in patience waiting to furnish my house. this building stuff is so over rated, you need a year off afterwards. as we are coming upon our year mark of home steading here i have decided to get serious about decor. as in i am thinking about it and have loads of favorites marked. i want classic. i really don't want any part of any earth tone scheme. sorry, i am just so over the rocky mountain palette of browns, beige, and brown. i really think we need a color splash to take these rockies by their boots, every house looks the same. ramblers with earth tones inside and out. we can still be friends if you partake in this tho :).

so here mark a few of my favorites so far. give me 6 months and maybe you will see the finished product! ( i am counting on some serious nesting to kick in)

my red headed husband told me this rug was the last thing he would ever expect me to choose. but we have his grandpa's old green leather 1960 something chiropractic chair waiting for a small repair that would be killer with this rug. also, a great orange chair i love sits in my corner waiting for overstock to restock this baby.
maps are so fascinating to me, i loved this vinyl wall sticker. i am also excited to bring out my retro globes and hoping to accumulate a few cool maps to plaster on the wall. i found this one on etsy.com

brown leather, boo. i want this couch in green velvet. if you know where to find one, this is the most sought after piece i want. i have googled, catalogued and searched every store within a 30 minute range. no luck. the husband loves brown leather, he would buy this. maybe he will win. yellow, wouldn't yellow leather rock this with black stained wood finish? that last sentence just horrified my mother.

oh restoration hardware, you break my heart with your prices. i want this kensington model like i want nachos everyday. because nachos with medium temp cheese and slightly not crispy chips enter my mouth once a week, and when they don't, i dream of them. i blame it all on the baby, but really. i want this sofa in baby blue.

anthropologie. you steal my heart. your cranesbill wallpaper needs to be in my dining room. we need to partake in your beauty while we consume food. you will be coming to momma soon, don't worry.

ever since mrs. limestone introduced the two of us, i haven't been able to get you out of my mind. i love you allister sofa from z gallerie. and i love you mrs limestone. your blog teases my every designing dream. allister, you may be coming home with me. you have nearly booted the green velvet sofa that has permeated my dreams for 2 years now. oh how i wish you were green......

again z gallerie, the baby blue has wormed its way into my heart. you would be so perfect with the above mentioned rug, green retro chair, and orange chair.

by now you are thinking less of my because i want so many couches. truth is i have 3 sitting rooms and it's ridiculous. this house is too big for my taste. it was hard to guage quaint when we were building. utah doesn't know quaint, we just know big. boo. i want to tell you i hate the house payment and it's killing me. no. we guaged our payment just fine, at the end of the day i just have too much house. maybe once it is full of this pretty furniture, the house and i can be friends again. because i do love my kitchen. it makes me smile with every turn of the gas range and beep of the oven. anyway, there is the spread that bounces around in my crazy head everyday and night.

happy birthday!

2010-06-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

ok, so, this is paige... a.k.a. heidi's favorite and only sister. what do you know, but that i just went to go sign into my blogger account and found that heidi is already signed in? and suddenly, the thought occured to me that i could let the whole blogging world know that it is heidi's birthday today!

heidi is the best sister anyone could ever have! there is a 16 year gap between us, and so we have a unique relationship. we don't fight over clothes {i am a few sizes bigger, anyway ;)} and we get along really well. i can go to her for advice, and she tells me what she would have done when she was my age. it is great.

heidi is an amazing mother, and her kids are terribly lucky to have her! this new little addition is anxiously awaited, and i think we are all excited, but heidi could not be any happier! she takes after our sweet grandma norma, and was meant to be a mother.

while i could say much much more about my amazing sister, i will end with this.... i love you heid, and i am so lucky to have you as a sister! i am so grateful that you are apart of our family... i wouldn't have it any other way!

love you sista!

love,
Paige

my birthday bliss

2010-06-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday we sat in a dark ultrasound room as a family of 6 (one appearing on the screen). i have not been oblivious to the fact that we are now 6, but having the kids ooh and aah, well, that's golden.
we had an amazing tech who was incredibly thorough in her work and it helped the kids to see what we were looking at. what we were not looking at were the "privates" as they're known around these parts. number 4 has swept over me, the impatient mother, with the patience of job. patience is all i have with this pregnancy. instead of worrying and lamenting over possibilities, i have felt really peaceful. i have let myself at times get worked up about the delivery. yesterday my doc reassured me that the births get easier with more deliveries. i gave him "that look" and reminded him about the large cranium and the 25 pounds of amniotic fluid i birthed in numbers 2 and 3. i told him i would do the first birth over and over and over. 10 children over in fact. i would take the broken tail bone and the stitches from number 1 compared to the trauma and pain of numbers 2 and 3. he looked at me and said, we take it visit at a time here and in the delivery room, let's enjoy this.

well, i'll tell you what. once the measurements on the baby came in exactly as they should be, cranium included, i relaxed. this is my first baby to come in exactly on target with measurements, down to the day. #2's head was 3 weeks ahead of due date and a belly measurement to match. same story with the others. i have hope i might go full term and deliver something under ten pounds. it's incredibly calming to me.

so i sat in that dark room waiting for the consult from the dr to confirm things were fine. i thought about how i have been able to relish this #4 with patience and this incredibly absent feeling of panic. i have been able to feel this little spirit since we had our big ultra sound with ella. feel this patient person and know who this baby is. i relished this gift on the eve of my thirty first birthday in that dark ultra sound room. i had a birthday moment. that calm, reassurance that all is well and here and now is where i belong. this road i am on is mine to travel and that there are good things all around.

i would be lacking if i didn't mention the kindness extended to me this day by loved ones. the calls, texts and many well wishes all thrown at me. makes thirty one years seem pretty lovely and i can't wait for 32.

i would also be deficient if i didn't mention a husband who planned a night in the big city complete with events to make your head spin. the man, who once i told him all i wanted was green salsa and a banana split with mass amounts of pineapple reduction from sonora grill, cancelled all plans and accompanied me. our waiter was awesome, we sat in my favorite spot and they brought me 2 dishes of green salsa all for myself. the banana split was the prettiest i had ever seen there and i assure you i have seen a lot of them. perfect ratio of pineapple, banana and chocolate. the cream topping was the thickest i have ever had. i grabbed the night manager and told him it was the prettiest split i had ever seen. he assured me that i had the best maker that night. it was really simple things that all went incredibly well. even thou i was bored with the juliet letters movie, i loved smelling the nachos and thinking about the peach rings at the concessions all night. ( i was far too full of baby and food to indulge)

the notes from kids, flowers from redhead, and the kindnesses from lovely friends made for a fantastic day. i didn't even mention the brunch on the river that included a chili cream cheese egg burrito, see a perfect day.....thank you!

onions and layers

2010-05-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

i have come to some firm conclusions with this pregnancy. some of them have to do with the shrek analogy of onions and peeling things away, don't judge me for my shallow comparison. i am a mother.

i have decided that not only is this condition for bringing little people into the world, but also to expose our weaknesses. i fly along in life (unpregnant life that is) and think i have a handle on things. go to church - check, say no to road rage - check, check, don't eat ice cream EVERYDAY - check. you know. kids grow up, diapers leave your house, and sometimes company can come over unexpectedly and the toilet shows no sign of small boys with an inexperienced aim. life seems to be under control. and then i get this opportunity to house and sprout a little person and as much happiness as it brings, i am brought to my knees as my weaknesses become exposed in this fragile state. suddenly things get under my skin that i have learned to manage and be okay with for years. i feel the need to pick things apart and spew negativity like a hot new fashion trend. i have gone back and forth with myself the past month, longing for the tolerant patient person that will emerge. struggling with piddly things that 4 year olds learn to reject.

in all of this crazy, i realize it is my chance not to ignore or excuse because this will be over in 22 weeks, but to work on. the things i thought i was concrete with seem crumbly. sigh. i am glad for good people that surround me. like my husband for instance. his nice button is always on and for some reason instead of acting crazy right back to me, he just finds his super duper nice button to turn on. usually that means doing the laundry and dishes, and just being super, really nice to me. kind, loving and tender. i can see thru my foggy glasses that i should reciprocate but the desire leaves all too quickly. he wears a suit of armour in my eyes.

this weekend we had a family wedding. the last of the boys on my husbands side roped another gal. i had my wonderful sisters in law in from the east coast in town and we all got to talk about these nice husbands we have. one husband fetched a microwave to warm a cookie for his bride while another chased kids on trains so chatting could ensue. we are all a little worried about mac boy number 4, he shoved cake in his brides face tonight and that encouraged boos from the audience. the last and only mac boy to think of such a thing, i can see there might be a boot camp of sisters in law involved here, heaven help him;) three older brothers have set a high bar for him and his treatment of his bride.

so, while my layers continue to be exposed and worked on, how grateful my heart is for good people that surround me and hold firm in their steady ground. it helps me want to be better and fix my exposed stinky layers.........

hellarama

2010-05-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

my darling 3 year old has given me some wonderful stories to tell lately, and i do love telling a great animated story. really, i don't love living thru them, but retelling them seems therapeutic to me.

ella has a routine in the mornings lately. she has been sleeping in until about 9 everyday. i attribute this to my neglectful parenting skills that have fallen off the face of the planet. with the older two 6:45 came around and they were bathed, fed and jammied up for the night dozing off by 7. now easton, he is in bed at 8:30 and to sleep at 8:31, that's how he rolls. the girls share a room and although in bed at 8:30 share giggle fits and songs for a while. see, parenting skills off the face of the planet. i let them. they have so much fun but it does necessitate a sleeping 3 year old in the morning. now because of the aforementioned activities, it is usually a hella greeting in the morning. she comes to the top of the stairs and yells, "don't say good morning ella, you can say hello ella when i get to the bottom of the stairs." i calmly agree. she scoots on her hind quarters down the stairs as she is sporting a bladder like a 100 year old savings account. at the bottom of the stairs i greet her saying hello ella. she then yells that she does not need to go pee. i then disagree and pick her up and put her on the toilet. she screams and cries and little dribbles come out during the spurts of emotion until it is all out. i pick her back up and she gives her specific orders for breakfast. peanut butter toast with the CRUST CUT OFF, cereal and milk.

the other day we found ourselves the recipients of some left over apple juice from a church function. the man brought it home thinking he was doing me a favor. it entirely switched the breakfast orders once that hella knew it was on the premises. instead of the usual milk she was demanding juice. i gave her two small glasses and at the third request i politely declined and offered milk or water (the usual choices at our house). for ten minutes she refused with a loud voice and many tears. i have learned thru the years that she has anger that sometimes needs to get out. my coddling and talking only prolong the anger and aggravate the situation. so for ten minutes i let her ball up her fists and let this pent up frustration flow out and up. i then went over and reiterated my offer of milk or water. she again refused and started screaming, "if you don't give me more apple juice, i will, will ........ EAT YOU!" i then explained that i am a rather large woman and i would be very heavy to carry around for her whole life. she would only be able to sit and so on and so on. after listening to my protesting she balled those fists up and screamed "for my whole life, arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" after 5 minutes of lamenting she accepted some milk and the day started.

when realizing we would be adding another one into the mix, i realized 4 years would separate my ella and this baby. i reveal to you that ella has needed everyone of those 4 years without interruption. it is who she is. it is getting better as crazy as those stories are.

while talk swirls of a new baby and what things we will get to do with a new baby, ella asked the other day if when the new baby comes she could be the recipient of new underpants. i concurred that this would be fine adding that usually big sisters request a new baby doll of their own. she declined saying she wants the baby to know she is a big girl. so underpants it is. although her train of thought has been turned to undies lately. the other day we were laying in an afternoon quiet time in my bed talking about who she looked like. i revealed to her that her grandma janet had those same chubby cheeks and their baby and toddler pictures are very similar. she then asked if grandma got wedgies when she was her age. she insisted on calling grandma that very instant to ask her if wedgies were indeed present when she was growing up. grandma confirmed and ella was thrilled. maybe all this underpants talk is trying to tell me that cute squishy bottom has outgrown her princess under attire.

just a thought.....

talent

2010-05-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

well, you know we are full of the stuff at this house. i mean, last year for the second grade talent show, grayce wrote a song in duck and then sang it. her teacher asked for the interpretation and she sang the most beautiful song in wonderful pitch about ducks. she has the most fantastical duck sound and it only makes sense that you would write a song in duck at age 7. well this year we find ourselves with yet another talent show upon us.

we decided that waiting until the sixth grade to do something like THIS would be more appropriate. i mean, we wouldn't want to up greyson at age 12. (seriously this is amazing)

yearly our little church organization hosts a talent show for the kids ages 3-11. this year i had 3 participants.

hella did: splits, stood on one foot, and skipped.
easton: handstand
grayce:played a musical harp her grandma gave her. (grandpa alan thought it would be funny to play around with the strings on christmas morning and untuned the whole thing. so we all knew she was playing "up on the housetop" in our hearts and had to plug our ears thru the off ness of the whole thing)

among other things at this talent show were a toddler throwing his stuffed animal into the air and magically catching it. running around the gymnasium at top speed. a rap. a dancer. and so on and so forth. it is the best show of the year.

keeping the latter show in mind i have let up on my dignity as the proud parent at these arenas and let my beloveds choose for themselves what their talents are. grayce wanted to sing bon jovi's living on a prayer this year. she has a great voice but the logistics of finding music without words and having a room full of other 3 graders appreciate the whole thing is on an entirely different level. last year she wanted to sing "you spin right round baby right round" and wondered if her conservative grandmother could find the sheet music to that and accompany her on the piano. now before you judge me please know that auntie paige and uncle kyle are in the prime of the teenage years at 14 and 15 and this song seeped in thru their influence. i don't listen to spin me right round baby right round. after i heard the spinning right round baby lyrics i quickly encouraged her to explore a different avenue finding ourselves at the duck song.

so this year.....

she will lip sync to bon jovi's "living on a prayer" or is it "loving on a prayer", i'm so 15 years ago, i don't know? now she will lip sync with her chin appearing as the face. you know where your mouth is upside down and all. what? you never did that with friends growing up? shame on you. do it tonight. pretend your chin is a little head and laugh yourself silly over your silly looking teeth when you talk upside down so to speak. we will draw a little face on her chin and all. now this is my idea, and after asking and calling multiple friends to join in on the task, she still stands alone in this quest for a talent show partner. maybe this will be awful. who knows, but i do know that she is grayce. she can pull anything off, it just comes naturally.

might i tell you what happened a couple of weeks ago when she saw jon bon jovi sing live? she didn't know that grandpas could sing like that and she was horrified. i told her he was her grandparents age and she was quite sure there should be a limit on who can sing songs like "living on a prayer" because she was devastated! i giggled into oblivion.

i will be sure to give a full report about the whole chin lip sync. stay tuned.

P.S. uncle kyle and auntie paige called within minutes of this post denying any wrong doing. an interview was held and it was determined the love of spinning right round baby was discovered at a friends house......

our simple life

2010-05-13T16:59:00.001-07:00

i was contemplating the other day as i repeated the phrase over and over, "so and so is welcome to come over and play, we are home all evening." we are home a lot. the red head has his fair share of meetings and other various duties, but more often than not, home we be.

i love dinner at 5:30 in the dining room. the formal dining room is one of our most used rooms. just off the kitchen and the first room off our entry. homework, art, craft, dinner, paper reading. we were originally planning to use that space as a office, but since neither myself or the man is very fond of electronics or paper work, we decided that it was best served as a formal dining. now there is nary a decoration in that room, but time is on my side. i figure one of these days my nesting will kick in and suddenly my empty house will suddenly sport decor. he he he. we just barely had blinds put up, after all, we are surrounded by alfalfa and horses, we weren't too worried about anything peeping on us. a couple of nights i have submerged myself into the gilmore's seasons 1-4 (because it is garbage after that)late into the night and i see the deer peer thru the window or the neighborhood jack rabbit hop along. i love love love our lot. the views are unmatched and maybe that is why i have no hurry to gussy up the inside.

one thing i have discovered is that i am going to have to work really hard to make this place "cozy". if i had it to do over again, down size i would. i don't think we went overboard with square footage and our payment meets dave ramsey's guidelines, but. maybe it is the fact that we have only ever known cozy surroundings and already i have plans for a downsized home in ten years. the red head will only comply if the house is paid off, so i am working hard at that! we never ever use our bonus room over the garage that everyone told us was absolutely necessary to the salvation of parents! ever. our kids have never had the luxury of separate bedrooms (although the gals share) and i think that is enough for them and their play spaces. we are congregaters of the family room and bedrooms for play. so all the heartburn about getting that extra toy room done, bleh. i would probably have been happy with half our house and the unfinished basement will probably always stay that way. the honest truth comes out in the fact that i hate cleaning that much. boo. we had a master bathroom and a kids bathroom put upstairs and a small half on the main. i love that half bath, but the kids bath never gets used. so silly i know. we got used to making due with what we had for so long that now it is how we live. oddities living in this house you know.

one day i will pepper this blog with pictures of decor and perfect paint color in every room, but as that has yet to happen, don't hold your breath until it does!

fertile pastures

2010-05-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

i have been captivated by this national infertility awareness month something or other that has all the bloggers a buzz. once, i found a site that celebrated silly things and sent out cards to your friends for you. say for instance you found it necessary to celebrate ohio's cow patty month. well, this handy little site sent out fun cow patty cards to all your loved ones marking the date. okay, so my tongue is in my cheek for a minute here. seems a little cruel to bring awareness to someone infertile, right?

i have refrained from writing anything too deep lately because my hormonal condition would lead one to believe i am bi polar and loony. oh, wait....... seriously. there are times i want to yell to the world, did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast? and then in the next hour i am crying at some beautiful complexity my mind has been opened too. i have been miserable this time around. week fifteen and i am waiting for a light to shine. it will come i know. sundays are a mess for me, i can't stop crying one week and the next i think my ward is ready to apostatize because there was absolutely no spirituality in the building. bipolar. my poor husband. poor poor red head. i say mean things and i really mean them, i don't feel bad about being critical about his chewing, breathing, smells, grass laying. nothin. i hope we make it out in tact. most days my tongue is bloody from biting so hard. so there you have it, the update.

so, infertility.

you know the drill. age 16 the open me up, find the dreaded beginnings of endometriosis. take it out and tell me that i might want to think about a teen pregnancy;). my doctor really said that and i love him for it. i was thrown on every experimental and aggressive drug out there to hold me at bay until i found love and needed babies. we all crossed our fingers for years. grayce was a snap, i felt the burning desire and boom. there she was. little easton. well. we lamented, tried fertility drugs and fretted and stewed. i had had another surgery to cut out the gunk and try to get just one more here. just one more and i would be good. i was so into getting a baby here and doing it before time was up that i lost myself. i thought i was in control or something. finally, a positive test. whew. we did it, i kept thinking. when easton was 2 weeks old and i still couldn't walk (his head did me in) i got a call from someone telling me of a baby that needed adopting. would we? well, i'll be honest. at that point i realized i was just plain overwhelmed. mother to 2 will knock you upside the head a couple times and then spit you back out, especially when you are going at it alone. (aah, the schooling years) no way could we adopt a baby. i put the brakes on for a couple of years. i knew my sanity was at risk here.

a few days after that phone call one of my lovely friends stopped by bearing gifts and food to welcome the 9 pound head i delivered. she told me they had been trying for a year and knew there was a little one waiting. i tried to tell her all the things that could be wrong with her and what she needed to do. what medications to take, what sticks to buy, where to go....... she very calmly replied that she knew this baby would come on heavenly fathers time.

what???

three years later, we caught up. still no baby. and she. still knew it was the lord's time, not hers. she had not one ounce of sadness. six years separate her baby girl and her next one. that baby came. and can you believe she loved every time she bowed to the porcelain god with a happy heart? i wish she knew how deep her faith has penetrated my heart. it's no secret it took us a bit to get this one here. i always fell back to her example, always. there was no rush on my part, no doubt this time. i have been feeling this little spirit since i was pregnant with ella. i knew this one was ours to have. i wish there was some magic way to impart to you what my mind has been opened to these past months. some way to tell you how my heart has grown everyday as i lay on the couch in physical peril contemplating faith. it is so personal and i am so incredibly glad this is my road to travel.

i am surrounded by good women in their thirties. can i just say entering the third decade of life does wonders for a woman and the surrounding friends. this thing called maturity really is under rated. i see myself in all the twenty something mom's scurrying around comparing strollers, fertility drugs, adoption routes and so on. such a hurry. and then there's kellie.we've been best friends since we were 12. there's a family relation involved to the tune that my uncle married her aunt and that has always sealed the deal for us. no way to fall out of contact. when we were 12 she was diagnosed with lupus. serious, chemotherapy for 8 years, lupus. when kellie gets sick, we all hold our breath and pray really hard. despite her incredible health challenge she has successfully completed a nursing degree and mothers the most beautiful boy. he and ella are five days apart and we both consider it a gift that we got to share motherhood simultaneously with such stark differences. a pregnancy to kellie would literally be life threatening. her lupus has invaded her skin, muscles and organs, primarily affecting her kidneys. she has always accepted her road to motherhood would be paved with someone else's sacrifice. she never rushed it, never laments and has never complained. ever. i wish i could tell you that in some deep conversation she has confided in me that her situation depresses her and she can't take one more step. but never. when i ask her what the hardest part about her situation is she responds by telling me that attending the adoption classes and seeing how bitter other couples are about their lot in having to be there. don't they understand this is their road to travel? that these babies are meant to come to them this way? this is how their family is to be gathered, be it one or six.

this kind of thinking is what my mind has been opened to these past few months as i have contemplated being the bearer of 4 babies. me, 4 babies. it's because this was my road to travel, mine. if mine had been the road of adoption or other means to motherhood, it would be just for me. maybe it is my deep belief that stems from a loving heavenly father aware of us. but kellie and mindy. they know all about their road and they have maturity and peace about it. i feel a heart full of gratitude to know ladies of this caliber. sounds trite but reaffirms that someone bigger knew i would need some patience in confirming my road to travel. because you see, this road of mine has been wonderful. my knees have been bent a lot these past few months wanting to understand what all this physical pain can help to teach me. i wish there were words enough to share. never ever have i been so grateful for this pregnancy induced colitis, as much as i curse it. it has humbled me to my core as i partake and travel.

so travel your road with maturity, patience and peace, bending your knees often because it's all yours, and the giver? he's one merciful heavenly father.......

over heard

2010-04-19T19:53:00.001-07:00

tonight i was rocking in my chair listening to the sounds of my house. bed time.

the best part of being a parent is when you can let go and play. pretend to be someone else with your kids.

tonight scott channeled his inner gangsta and was affectionately known to the children as "sca dawg". they were pretending to have a flat screen tv (our poor kids, we live in the dark ages), i touches, and watch a game on tv. he was throwing out verbage like fashizzle, skiz. he was abbreviating, nicknaming and the kids were eating is up like fresh berries in milk. hesitantly at first, not recognizing this new found character. he doesn't let down like that very often, he is pretty straight laced you know. i have asian days where i will play polly pockets as ann wong. or some days i come as billy brittish. it's silly i know. tell me we're not alone.

growing up my dad was quite animated with his characters. one time he came as geneveive the babysitter. he had cat eye glasses that had the glass gone with crystal gale's eyes put in eye slots.
we weren't quite sure what to think. nor were my younger siblings when he came as lily for a tea party. he dressed up in a lovely house dress with a nappy wig and had tea parties galore when they were babes. they were mesmerized with "looly" as they referred to "her".

it's important to be silly with your kids. really important to remember what being a kid is like. jumping into their world. i think i was 5 when geneveive came to babysit, and my younger siblings still talk about lily. it leaves a mark.

as i was listening to "sca dawg" tonight playing with the kids, talking like he was a remote controlling, sports watching fanatic, the thought crossed my mind that i should go join them and make up a gangster name for myself like "h mac nugget" or something fashizzle (that means cool). but then the overwhelming feeling came that i should try to somehow record this in my memory. it's all i will have of it, the memory. listening to how easton pretended weber state was winning the game they were watching on the "flat screen", or how ella was busy making, making, making for them. snacks, drinks, nachos.

so glad for these silly memories. so glad they are mine.

signing off for now,
yours,

ann wong

a memorable conversation

2010-04-05T12:57:00.001-07:00

mountain man brother of mine called me last night to inform me of the message my grayce left on his phone.

"cam, this is grayce. my mom is pregnant. they just told us today and apparently she has known about it for 11 weeks! i think my dad was in on it too because when they told us, he had the video camera going."

we gathered them round with a lovely golden egg containing one beautiful ultra sound picture. we told them it was an egg the easter bunny forgot (we do our hunt on saturday). they opened the egg and grayce asked with a very eight year old voice why on earth we would put an ultra sound picture of one of them in an egg. scotty told them to look at the date on the picture. it read 3/16/2010. she loudly declared:" the third month, the sixteenth day 2010, YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

i was very impressed with her excitement as well as her ability to recite the day!

info. 10/24/10
sick as a dog and know it is worth every second ;)
we are incredibly happy, and weepy. this is very anticipated good news.

firstborn

2010-03-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

the first born is always, always that "one". however their little spirit comes out, it is your first, your guideline, your "normal". the redhead and i are both the first born in our families, so our little hearts go out to our beautiful daughter. the world revolved around her for 2 years and 4 months. the one time i got upset with her before easton was born was a cold camping trip that she insisted on getting up before the sun and before firewood could be fetched for a fire. it is one of those moments that i relive and regret often. i was so sick and pregnant with easton and it was so cold. i confess that my austrailan blood filled it's hell and damn quota before the sun rose. such shame. when your heart expands to love another little person, often times it comes with a price and cost of patience for the one before.

we are going thru change with grayce like the lion and lamb reference to march. except, i never know which day will be what. some days a lamb and i can tolerate her 8 year old antics and not roll my eyes, other days, well. i am scared stupid for the teenage years. where's my magic wand that shrinks and brings back my baby? really. it is not fair. she has a crush on a boy all of the time. what does that say about our parenting? really? she tells everyone she knows that she has a crush on this mop headed ruffian. i bite my tongue, encourage reading with a fresh supply of new books monthly, encourage her to play with the neglected guinea pig, i sic ella on her to play dolls. she is changing and reminds me daily that she is a "mature young adult"as she puts it. before long, womanhood will be descending upon that sweet body and my tears will stain my pillow for the trail of childhood she is leaving in her wake of mature young adulthood. there's the lion.

my lamb days with her include tales of playground rhetoric, the classroom guinea pigs she spoils into oblivion, her discovery of judy bloom, her packing of "a light in the attic" by shel sivlerstein everywhere she has 5 minutes to read, brushing her long locks every morning asking what she wants me to create with them, her love of choir that beckons her out of bed at 6:50 am 2 days a week. those are my lambs. her love of american idol and her dreams that are laced with a victory in her name. there is always something to hold on to. there is also always something to be worked on. at the end of every day at my review of days activities on bended knee, some heaviness hangs around my heart wondering how i could have done better.

last weekend i was ready for a cup to be filled with some inspiration, some reading bliss. i wanted reality, not escape. i wandered down to the local mormon discount store and stumbled upon the book "the mother in me". it is a compilation of essays that the writers and contributors at seagullah had compiled. it was at the very back on a severely discounted table and to that i thought, oh darn, what a great idea. obviously it wasn't good if it is already appearing on the discount isle at the already discounted shop. at $4.99 something told me to take a risk. i holed myself up in my bedroom and dove in. two hours later i was basking in a fulfilling feeling. i felt so refreshed and so inspired. many of the essays touched me, but one in particular has lingered and wrapped itself around my heart with its truthfulness.

it was one talking about the ups and downs of toddler hood. the hopes and dreams a parent holds for a child. the responsibility that can often times become burdensome and tiring with the expectation of ones self. in her murky self criticism the thought very clearly occurred to her that a father in heaven also claims that divine responsibility of parenthood. she contemplated his role and his amazing ability to not take on any of our imperfections when we fail as his children. he stays the same, constant thru our error and our faults. he doesn't demote himself because of our frailties or bad decisions but remains still and constant thru them. the essay is incredibly beautiful and i can whole heartedly recommend the book. it was so profound for me as an imperfect mother that often times finds sadness at the end of the day because of how i responded to my kids and took their missing library book as my neglect or fault. she also cited the fact that our father in heaven knew these babies wouldn't be coming to perfect homes, he knew that they would be immersed in imperfection but counting on us to show these spirits firsthand how the atonement works.

it's been in my heart, those thoughts. it's helping me to be the kind of mom that doesn't feel bad for grayce because she is the firstborn. it left me feeling hopeful that she is seeing the full spectrum of human emotion and imperfection and that at the end of the day and the beginning of the week, i kneel and i attend so that i can more fully understand that garden and how a father in heaven beckons with love.

cool

2010-03-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

my mom pointed this one out to me a couple of months ago and i have subsequently seen it pop up many times since. this is one of my very favorite messages. it touches every single heart string i have. enjoy, and grab a tissue. i am usually a puddle on the the floor by the messages end.

click here

free

2010-03-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

guinea pig. the last watering and feeding of our bella was missed yesterday. in keeping in line with the parenting with love and logic concepts, this yellow lover of oranges is yours if you'd like.

poor grayce lou. has to learn sometime, right?

free food, cage, house cover, transporter, water bottle,cage liner, ball dealio, and even some oranges.

yellow fur, name is bella, squeaks when she eats, once a week cage cleaning required. little kids get a kick out of her, she is a runner and darter in her cage. oh, and the "she" business. that cannot be confirmed or denied. i just might not suggest mixing with another one unless you were hip on babies.

holler. scott4heidi@aol.com

nowhere else

2010-02-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

yesterday was this large conference i talked about in my last post. it is kind of the rage in utah. conferences put on by professionals for women. just for her. they have classes on every kind of female interest one can think of. our local stake adopted this concept and planned a large spiritual gathering for 300+ women. we had marriage therapists lined up, scholars in scripture, mothers sharing parenting and grand parenting ideas, food prep instruction, how to keep our homes protected from the world and so on. the final speaker came with marvelous accolades to her name. hers is the job of inspiring women to find out what their talents are, discover the talent that could take them places. she was all fired up, this quiet group of ladies before her. i live in a modest, quiet area. it is hard to crack jokes and get responses i have noticed when i congregate with these stalwart people. i think she had to adjust her presentation for a stone faced, reverent crowd. because my attendance was necessary to place all of the flowers, i attended, trying to select speakers that would fill my inspiration cup.

i was ready to come home with lists of things to change, new ways of loving and doing things, a spring makeover so to say.

it was during the grand finale speaker whose job was to motivate that i had to fill out a survey reflecting my contentedness with life. i filled out my work sheet and looked at my answers. my friends were looking around at each others scores and comparing notes. i had this moment where the speaker was asking women what their wildest dreams were, what their deepest desires were. i heard answers of wildlife photographers, home builders and so on. nothing yesterday resonated with me. nothing was put to paper on my list of things to improve. this motivational speaker only talked to me, didn't really touch me.

when i came home and was discussing my predicament with my handsome redhead, he was glad i didn't have a list of fix it's for our marriage and parenting skills. one woman that i know that was at the conference commented to me how glad she was that she was past my phase of life and gave me her deepest condolences. i confidently told her that i loved every minute of my life and wouldn't fast forward for anything. my answer to her summed up my feelings as of late.

this main event speaker also asked us to remember when we were little girls and the world was ours, what was it we wanted to do? doctors, teachers, broadway singers.

i played dolls, kitchen, and teacher. i was always the teacher helping with homework or reading to kids. i concurred that i am doing exactly what my little girls heart desired. i am fulfilling every dream i ever could have come up with for myself. and somehow i think that little girl would smile if she could have looked ahead to see the life i live.

by no means am i claiming perfection of self in any way. but i am saying that i know where to find the inspiration needed to move forward as a mother. i know where all of my parenting skills receive refinement and inspiration. i know where my devotion to my husband comes from. i know where my self help is found.

it's found in a garden.
it's found at the empty tomb.
it's found on the raging sea that was calmed.
it's found in the stable with lowly means and humble parents.
it's found with the thought of my mediator and advocate before a loving father.

it's all found in love.

(and in case you are wondering i am home with a sore throat{ed} little fella, missing my worship services, so it feels appropriate to say.............)

AMEN.

the flower voices

2010-02-27T17:56:00.001-08:00

a month or so ago a kind woman in my house of worship approached me. she was soliciting help for a large women's conference for the area. she was asking my help for the decor. now, i might be into architecture like there's no tomorrow, but my house sits empty waiting for the right furniture and just the right wall decor. i readily accepted the assignment because i was in my house of worship which usually puts one in a very nice mood. when i got home i wondered what i had done. those who know me know that i don't do crafty or cute{sie}. i don't have bows anywhere in my house and i don't usually participate in anything involving toll paints. it just isn't me. i am not an accessory woman. i have a few prized broaches, a wedding band and a good pair of sterling earrings but fluffy isn't my thing. i admire a mother who accessorizes herself and her children, don't get me wrong. i have many an accessorizing family members and friends. cute matching bow headed children that i look at admiringly. my disdain only comes from the fact that accessories overwhelm me. really, really overwhelm me. bows and flowers for girls hair laying around my house make me so nervous. i am a strong believer in a good hair cut and a very nice polished look for your hair, and we do have an occasional head band laying around that occasionally makes it on some one's head. all of this said, i am a simpleton in the area of decor and accessories simply because my brain doesn't work that way.

now, being a good mormon woman one is put into the position to decorate a church gym once in a while. your turn will inevitably come. i just thought my confidence in the kitchen would take me places that would altogether avoid the gym decor, but no. not only was i shocked, but all i told also had a gaping jaw. well, forgetting about the frugality of mormons, i envisioned carnations by the truckload with the stems cut off sitting beautifully adorning tables in all white with limes mixed in on a beautiful table runner. that is my idea of simpleton decor. when i sat thru our first meeting i was to find that my budget was consistent with mormon values, putting all of the money on the food, we sure know how to eat. so with a zero budget and 44 tables to decorate with a spanish theme, my mind was ringing tacky. tacky, tacky, tacky.

do you have voices in your head that lead you to crazy decisions? combine that with my problem of passion and focus and i had myself making 1000 paper flowers. 1000, 1000, 1000. it couldn't be less. the voices drove me to do it. by the end i had multiple friends involved cutting, fluffing and consoling in behalf of the 1000 paper flower voices. i am proud to announce that i am now the owner of 1000 paper flowers. they adorned the gymnasium today and i was shocked at the buzz. this non decorator lady entered the world of mormon crafting at its finest. i was asked when my class could be attended.(i might be coming to your next homemaking ;)) i have dates booked out of other women needing these lovelies. all the flowers caused quite a female stir. every mormon stereo type ensued. so now i gladly join the ranks of the mormon crafting mother with my 1000 mexican paper flowers. (and a great case of carpel tunnel from all of the cutting)

a deep thanks to all of my best{ies} who helped make the voices quiet in my head......but mostly the redhead, who did as many as i did. and while we didn't watch the olympics, we listened, focusing all of our eye power on the flowers.......i love you scotty!

he he he

2010-02-23T12:16:00.001-08:00

an apology of sorts for the last post. i have had many a friends thinking it might have been an announcement on my part. so sorry to disappoint. we are in the business of expanding the family but it seems we get to play the waiting game for a bit here. sorry for the alarm!

i was just referring to the fact that all of the contributors on our food blog have had at least one pregnancy each, some two since we started it! it's no wonder we go a bit in between posts. not to mention, most of the gals have husbands in residency, law school or big gun jobs!

but here's to regular posting at our table!

a miracle of sorts

2010-02-19T17:29:00.000-08:00

but we have started posting again at our food blog. click here

and to our credit, there have been many, many babies born since our haitus. there are seven of us lovelies in fertile condition involved here. be patient ;)

my birthday wishes

2010-02-09T14:46:00.000-08:00

happy happy birthday to my favorite red headed husband. i thought it especially sweet that he sent his mother flowers today with the card reading "thanks for giving birth to me 31 years ago."

really, really sweet.

white subway tile for sale

2010-01-15T07:52:00.000-08:00

when we took on this house building project there were certain absolutes.

subway tile was one of them. it was outrageuosly priced in my local area so i took to the www.

i was pleased to find a great price if we bought 1440 sq feet. it was cheaper that paying full price around town (not to mention it was back ordered for 5 months around town) but i only needed 350 sq feet.

so we find ourselves with incredible amounts of leftovers but it was worth saving money.

so here is our ad (click here). if you are interested in buying some subway tile, we are here for you ;)

here are some pictures of how i obsessively used it also.

wedded bliss in beer and cheese country

2010-01-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

the red head had wonderful classmates back east. i was worried for the poor lad that he might not have any friends. i mean, hello, 25 year old kid with a wife AND TWO toddlers in tow. awkward. His class was full of ambitious young (mostly single kids).

i was ever wrong. being that the red head's specialty is nice, he was very happy with his circle of friends. a couple in particular. j, rough, raised in the bronx and italian irish. here in the rockies we don't refer to our roots like they do in NYC. it is serious business. i knew j was italian the minute i met him, just as i am sure he knew i was a mormon without horns. it wasn't the kisses on the cheek that gave him away or the thick accent, but his look, i just knew.

j , scott and rox, another classmate, were study buddies. thru the year my red headed husband could tell there was some love in the air although they might not have admitted it for almost 2 years. we were thrilled to find out these two were getting married and that we were invited.

they made our utah love story seem silly. j took rox to italy to propose, they planned this wedding for a year and a half and i am telling you, it was an event not to be forgotten. j called me a year before the wedding and told me that it was a wedding or a condo in brooklyn, they chose a lavish wedding. i don't think i will ever see anything like it ever again. it was phenomenal.

it started out very early in the morning {3am} to leave for the airport for milwaukee.
as the red head was loading our luggage onto the shuttle bus at the airport i noticed out of the corner of my eye a large but fully clothed in white bum cheek staring at me. i started laughing and told the red head that was real funny wearing ripped up pants to travel in. his whole countenance turned bright red and he realized in our early morning departure he grabbed from the work pants pile instead of the nice regular pile. he informed me that it was the only pair he brought. like a hormonal jr high girl, he had to wear his sweater around his waist for a full day of travel.

once we checked into our hotel, he quickly requested a sewing kit to nip this in the bud, literally. so here you have it, not only can he sew spines, brains and humans, but tada - our family seamstress! after we settled into our very sleek and modern hotel, we took to touring the city on foot. the city was cold and rainy. i felt bad that their autumn wedding turned into a cold weekend. for all of their planning, sad.
the tent was called into action with all of the rain coming down. the ceremony was held at a local nature center overlooking lake michigan.

that dress. one word. kleinfeld's. yes, that's right.
this cake was a top a lovely round of a tree. it was all very autumnal themed.

the reception was held at the grain exchange. when folks walked up from the cocktail hour to the reception, there were audible gasps. a comparison of the grandeur of this building is comparable to grand central station. it was so glorious.
these two here, they know how to hold a party. i mean. when they were announced into the reception, each wedding party couple had a great dance to accompany the long walk down the stairs to the dance floor. when jason and rox took the floor, they were accompanied by a band of bagpipers to which they danced and jigged for four songs. i cried. it was electric.
it was a lovely weekend. and yes, rox is about 90 lbs. and five foot nothin.

let the countdown begin....

2010-01-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

i was thrilled for this option here.

since it seems my holiday 5 {lbs that is} haven't gotten me too down, i think we will make good on this lovely offer.

hanamura

2010-01-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

friday nights are happiest at our house when a date night with myself and the redhead is achieved. his work schedule allows for it and plus, it was a religion at my house growing up. EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.PERIOD.

last night i was feeling asian. which at one time i swore once wasabi was consumed it got in my blood and wouldn't leave. but recently we did find a family relation in the area and he happens to be asian. it explained the mysterious tale of my moon eyes and how on our wedding day my red head might have thought his bride turned asian. ( i was smiley that day) i love asian food, especially in the winter time. the trick to a good asian place is lots of fresh vegetables, fresh- no grease. there are a few local places that we have had obsessions with thru the years. windy's is an old favorite. but the problem with it is that it is just that. old. we took my family there once and they were horrified by the old smells and need for remodel. it is a very hot place usually requiring a wait and we haven't been able to go back since the parentals sited this ghastly problem. plus, it can get heavy and greasy.

a couple of weeks ago our friend who i will classify as meat and potatoes told us a funny story about her bosses taking her to a lunch to celebrate her long career with their bank. they took her to a cool little japanese place and ordered edamamae. looked like snow peas to her, so she daintily shoved the whole thing in her mouth chewing endlessly on the tough skin. she had to spit it out after her bosses were bright red and choking from laughter. that was our only recommendation for the place so we decided to give it a whirl last night.

this is why you should all be running to hanamura.

it is right behind the macey's on 36th in the town of O for all you locales.

it was clean, fresh, bright and incredibly inviting. it is family run which makes my heart leap. there are good things going to happen when mom and dad are cooking in the back. it was not stuffy. last month i tried the new TONA, also in our little town, with no desire to go back. too salty, too stuffy and apparently only the raw sushi is fab. the redhead frequents there often with his MD and they gorge on exotic rolls. if this is your thing, tona offers a very wide range of flavor for sushi, but in my opinion not for anything else.

as we were seated we noticed the loyal patrons eating. all knew this cute waitresses life and her parents. the prices were a bit high (17.50 for the delux dinner)so i was planning on being disappointed. i decided to go with the gyoza dinner. you can always tell the quality of a japanese restaurant by the gyoza in my opinion. if there are signs of vegetables united with the ground meat you can be sure it is fresh and not some rubbery mystery meat stuffed inside. and boiled. a good gyoza is gently fried on the outside with a bit of crunch when consumed. we were started with miso soup. i appreciated the light colored bowls that allowed me to see that it was a nice creamy color. one indicator to me of a good fresh restaurant is how their foods are cut. big sloppily cut food usually means a bummy don't care about it kid is on prep duty. the tofu in the soup was daintily and very finely cut.

next the appetizer plate was brought out which was included with the meal. it was brought out by the sweet mother that was so cheery and happy that we were eating her food. it was an incredible array of things which I REALLY LOVED. salad, an amazing prawn that was grilled in the shell, i am assuming brined and served cold, it was amazing. also, asian short ribs on bib lettuce and a plethora of amazing bites. i loved the array. i did not grow up or live anywhere in asia. therefore, my buds are always willing to expand and taste more. it was a great way to taste a great variety of things, it was killer.

our main dish was then brought out. it was beautiful. served with a crab salad sushi roll, gyoza, beautiful tempura on a skewer, and salad with the perfect ginger dressing.

i ate every last crumb. the portions were well thought out and were in no way overwhelming. i left with my appetite so incredibly satisfied i can't stop smiling about it. i talked about it all morning with my red head and now, i share with you. i know this might turn you on to my crazy food passion, but i do like to discuss food, analyze and critique. i can't help it. today i was in charge of a funeral dinner and i think there were some eyes in the kitchen helping that were opened to my silly food passions that lead to intense conversations. i am serious about my food folks!

funny face

2010-01-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

i do love the show, audrey is brilliant, beautiful and so strong. but these qualify as a funny face also.

thanks ash!

Mrs. Citizen Take Two

2009-12-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

i found myself rushing to wal mart the other day for a few items forgotten for yet another candy making day. i was feeling ill from all of the candy i had consumed in the week which had set off a nasty case of colitis which i became subjected to thru the last pregnancy. (a whole personal post that would make my face red after my recent blogging hiatus.)

hence a shaky mom facing the most unchristmas{y} place on the block. right as i was pulling in to the little planet in and of itself, the world of wally, there was a girl, not more than 16 with some gangly and devious looking friends. this 16 year old girl happened to be pushing a stroller and a stray toddler was tagging behind. now this scene might bear resemblance of normal for the area of town until i paint the part about them being in the middle of the road in no hurry to be safe. i stopped prematurely, trying to muster some christmas nice and let them cross. these "friends" started yelling at one another and going in all different directions. this poor little toddler started following the devious friends into the oncoming lane of traffic until her 16 year old mother grabbed her by the ponytail and dragged her across the road, by her pony tail, dragging her across the road, screaming and crying dragging her by the ponytail, an innocent toddler caught up in the mess.

chalk it up to my new found mrs. citizen self or a case of the christmas blues, but suddenly. my horn was honking at her and thru my closed door window i yelled in that scary voice, "you don't do that!!!" pointing and shaking my hand.

unfortunately this time she yelled words we learned in the ghetto of new haven. my kids were nervous about being in the same car as mrs. citizen and asked why i yelled at the lady. i engaged them in a story about how some moms don't know how to show love or kindness to their kids and are mean. i told them about the incident and how that is not how adults should ever treat children.

my face was hot as a july night in the desert and i was shaking internally with anger. kids have been on my mind as of late. at a young age i knew that i would be lucky to get one. now three miracles later, 4 seems good. i would be happy with 10. you know the drill. sometimes a mothers heart gets pulled in all directions trying to figure out how to collect her family. by now you know i take this family collection stuff seriously. with this very heavy on my mind, this situation seemed all the more saddening to me. here i am, a mother who would love to take that baby in the stroller and the toddler with a pony tail. i would take them and love them, read them stories and tickle their little arms until they fell fast asleep in a safe warm bed where their only worry was what picture to paint when they awoke.

i rushed thru that insane store gathering neatly the needed items and headed for my car. i ran into my mother confessing my mrs. citizen moment that was burning a hole in my heart. the ride home i was determined to do something with this broken heart and this frustration. i was wildly going thru possibilities that i could do that would make the hurt stop. that would make me stop thinking about a little girl who was dragged by her hair that needed a warm fire and a brimming christmas tree with love abounding. in my fury of possibilities i pretended i gathered her up in my arms and took her home with me. we opened presents on christmas morning and talked about the baby jesus.

and then for a moment i thought about the baby jesus. i have been reading from the 4 gospels the past few nights about the miracles that were recorded about this baby. about the fish and the loaves that were enough, the water that calmed, the virgin mary and the babe in the manger that descended below all to be greeted by a faithful woman, a brave joseph and awaiting animals. my thoughts then turned to another bystander that night. the literal father of the babe. i thought about how he watched the dissension below all, a precious son to be given no room at the inn. a father watching brutality and sorrow of a son who trod a lonely path. suddenly i had a place for this hole burning in my heart. i felt christmas. some years pass and we don't get the chance to feel the significance of that lowly manger. i suddenly felt the burden that baby carried as he grew to a man aware of his divine nature. i felt the sorrow and the joy. the joy that adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. the bystander, that often times i fail to recognize his significant role as a parent, felt the same way i did as he saw that toddler abused. that's why he watched that lowly dissension of his literal son. he knew the price his holy son paid would satisfy the demands of justice and somehow make it up to this toddler and her ponytail. he knows how my heart aches as we try to expand our family through earnest prayer, humble hearts and open minds. he knows. and therefore, he gives us christmas.

mrs. citizen take 1

2009-12-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

growing up, my dad was incredibly regulatory about what our minds inhaled from the tube. we could freely watch any public television shows but anything else required his approval. steve erkel won by a landslide. larry and balki from perfect strangers was always a grey line and full house always won him over with the special time music when the valuable lesson at the end was proclaimed.

taking all of this into consideration, he had some sons. some sons he wanted to scare into being good citizens. while most families would gather on a saturday night for a heart warming movie or a game night, our TV set would be fixed to COPS. it was the beginning of reality tv in my opinion. we would watch with incredible intensity and belt out the theme song, "bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you". we would laugh and then proceed to watch what would happen if we were ever engaged in civil disobedience. there was never a time for my parents to sit us down and give us any kind of "just say no" talks or anything of the sort, we all knew that the COPS would come for us if we engaged in any such activity.

my dad doesn't put up with garbage and definitely doesn't take the cowardly approach to being a good citizen. one time there was a woman drunk as a skunk exiting our local little caesar's with some tipsy pizzas in hand. my dad got a hold of a cop in no time pointing out the crime as we followed the apprehension all the while singing "bad boys bad boys" in the buick at the top of our lungs. he kept us updated about the DUI and i can say that none of his children have ever had a DUI.

thru the years he has earned the nickname of mr citizen. one time at the local community pool i accompanied my small siblings to the pool to lounge. i was 8 months pregnant with a ribcage condition and the water freed my pain. we went often. as i beached it in the kiddy pool the pool manager let me know my 4 and 5 year old siblings were too old for that small pool. she made us get out and go to the part that was over their heads. my dad was on the phone with her within minutes of our departure. while his complaint was filed, the woman asked who he was. he responded with, " i am mr. citizen. i am a taxpayer who lives in this community and you will not be hassling people anymore". and thus, mr. citizen was born.

call it genetics or whatever you want, but it seems his daughter is falling in line right nice.

last month i was cooking dinner and decided it was time to fetch the kids. i walked out of the house and across the street to the "fort" and told them to come and eat. as grayce followed me in, little bud "e" stayed behind for one more minute of stick finding. as i walked in the house i left the door open knowing the little fellow would be following shortly. as i found myself in the kitchen i heard two screeching wheels coming around the bend to the dead end of our street. it was a pimple faced baby practicing his racing skills with his mom's ford taurus. all of a sudden my sweet boys face came into my mind and i bolted out the door. not knowing what i was going to do all of a sudden i could smell blood. i was out for this kids throat. mrs citizen came to life and was born in the middle of the road. he raced down to the the bottom of the street, squealing on two wheels to turn around and on his way back up he found this newborn mrs citizen in the middle of his path. acting as a times square traffic cop i was waving him to slow down. he quickly snapped his brakes and rolled his window down. i had to control myself to not reach down his throat and remove his gullet with my bare hands. i yelled with a voice i didn't know existed, just like a newborn animal discovering their surroundings. i told him there were kids playing around here and to slow down. there were no vulgar words used to my own surprise. his response was pure fear and he cried out his apologies to me. he looked like a 12 year old david archuleta. he was so dumbfounded by my scolding that when i was done he sat there, not moving. i yelled at him "go!!!!!" he rolled out at negative 5 miles an hour and i am sure his mother wanted to know why her drivers seat was wet.

an hour later i got a call from the only other house on our 14 lot cul de sac. she is the farthest house down. she started by saying "you go girl". she then proceeded to tell my she heard every word of my scolding to him and her doors were all shut, as were her windows. she heard the car coming down and had the phone in her hands as she had watched my kids out playing earlier. fearing some fatality she kept the phone close as she watched this unfold. once she got to a window she could see there weren't any kids in the road but as she watched her enraged neighbor stand in the middle of the street to a speeding car she said she kept it ready to call 911,ready for mrs. citizens short lived life. i counted how many houses on the other side of the street are between us, 8. she heard me that far away.

it is amazing what you pull out of the hat when you are called mom. protection skills of a grizzly come out of a lady wearing a flowery apron.

anyone there....

2009-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

as of today, december 19, we now have internet at the house.

merry christmas

thrilling. and horrifying.

i have been without internet for 5 months. only mandatory sessions at my mom's to clear my email account. like feeling important does include hearing aol tell you about your email and seeing 253 new messages. i have only skimmed the past few months and all of this seems like a new language to me. being absent from this bloggosphere for a bit has made me a real gal completely taking the cyber gal from me.

i can't imagine that people read my blog to find out what i am doing and enjoy it. it is a funny thing the www. i keep thinking really, there is a world where people want to see what i did over the weekend and see pictures and i in return will want to read about theirs? stunning. and then i think, glory be, i have shown a picture of my bathroom over this vast black hole, kind of horrifying with this long absence. it has made me red in the face thinking that i have shared personal stuff in to the black hole for anyone to see. and now, i know how my grandmother feels when i tell her about blogging.

my self proclaimed writer self will come back. i do have some great stories to tell. i turned into mrs. citizen this past fall which included 2 stories about my screaming self to bystanders. me? really? it will come out....

today

2009-10-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

swine.flu.tamiflu.fevers.throw-up.pumpkins.witches.clorox.clam chowder. snot.tissues.bills.snow.vaccination.albuterol.inhaler.gilmore girls.read.corrina corrina.happy thoughts.

over the weekend?

HERE

thanks ropes!

mysterious{ness} of sisterhood

2009-10-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

i was a budding sophomore in high school before i was blessed with a sister relationship. we waited and waited for the two caboose children born to our family after 10 anxious years of waiting for their glorious arrival. there was the first family, myself and 3 brothers born in a five year span. then... 2 caboose children born just 12 months apart. we were all thrilled with their arrival.

i had always dreamed of having a sister. always dreamed of sharing clothes. doing make up. all things girl. why my lovely neighboring household boasted 4 sisters. e,h,j and s. wonderful girls that were always calm, played barbies and other magnificent girl activities that made it very apparent that our household was lacking the female variety in quantity.

imagine the honeymooning phase of sisterhood i embarked upon as a teenager to get a sister. it was worth the long wait and certainly void of any indifference expressed in a normal sisterhood other peers had expressed disdain with.

my red headed mate only experienced the male variety growing up. with a family boasting 4 strapping boys he never saw the effects of sisterhood. why when we were first married as we were getting ready for church one sunday, he tried expressing his admiration over my lovely church apparel which turned out to be a slip. he had a modest mother who never let on to such feminine secrets.

at the news that our third bundle of joy was going to be all female, i was thrilled with the prospect of have 2 sisters under my roof. thrilled. being such new territory my limited experience and naivety was a bad combination. upon seeing 2 female personalities develop at our house there are lots of weary glances exchanged between the red head and i. as sweet as the tender moments exchanged they are very dramatic and well, girl.

the other day i found myself in the garage working on my year long project of the rescued buffet. the door was opened and i could hear the girls setting up for a lovely tea party to discuss the fate of the boxed up halloween decor. "winds of love" was fetching some pumpkin chocolate chip bread for herself and offered the gesture to "hella" while they embarked on serious planning discussion. before i knew it there was what i thought to be squeals of delight at the prospect of a tea party. i was soon educated on the squealing only to find "winds of love" had been trapped in the jaws of "hella". "hella" wanted grayce's square of cake and was not going to wait. when grayce refused giving her peice up, hella took matters into her own hands, or teeth actually, and hunkered down on sisters biceps.

i doctored the wound with an ace bandage holding an ice pack to help the swelling. it was a gory battle wound fitting for a halloween horror show.

later that night we were fetching supplies for grayce's costume at the local emporium. she had brought her own money and upon remembering that the little devil would turn three on october 18, as hella will tell you, she decided it would be appropriate to spend all her funds on matching webkinz they could play with. my jaw dropped to the floor as i watched her struggle to get her money out with her injured arm. had she so quickly forgotten that this devil of a sister nearly caused an ER visit that could have entailed sewing a chunk of skin back on to make her whole? i almost felt the need to remind her but bit into my tongue that was bleeding by the time the venture was coming to an end.

i mulled the days activities over in my mind countless times looking for the eternal principle found here. last night as i was going over holy scripture, i came upon a chapter heading that answered my question. it declares, "faith is a hope which is not seen which is true." maybe this is far fetched for some, but my minuscule mind was opened and i saw with the innocence of my gracye. she knows the eternal bind she shares with ella can't be stopped by a bite or mean words. and it reminded me of my hope and faith in the sisterhood i share with paige. it goes beyond bites and fights. it is faith and hope that lace our relationship and pulls us together in the perils of life..

hollywood here we come

2009-10-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

last year my "winds of love" got the chance to play Lady Macbeth. we lucked out and got a teacher who lets her 2nd grade students perform shakespeare every year.

the local news station was at the school yesterday and my lovely got to do her little line and showcase her drum skills. we had to be to the school by 6:30 am which was almost the death of me. my inner self wanted to roll out of bed and go in a hat, my worldly outer self wouldn't let that happen. so, i was up far too early round brushing my mane......the threat of being caught for one millisecond on camera in a hat and no make up got my hind quarters out of bed far too early.

you can view here. our beauty in her orange dress is in clips 3 and 5. 3 is her lady Macbeth debut and 5 are her drum skills......

and i guess her speech impediment that i love with all my heart is pretty obvious in her Shakespearean lingo, but i am in love with it. i hope she keeps her lisp all the days of her life.

did i ever tell you the story about the meeting the school requested my presence at over my daughter's special education?

i have been meaning to and i hope i don't offend. please read with a light heart.

last year about the spring quarter i got a letter that informed me of a meeting to take place with the principal, "winds of love"'s teacher, and the special education teacher. our daughter hasn't attended any special classes and as far as i knew her grades were great. i hadn't noticed any problems and was sick to my stomach reading this letter thinking something was wrong and why on earth would the school pick up on it and not me? good gravy trains.....

the meeting was 3 weeks away. a normal person would have called the school asking about why they think my lovely needed special education. but i stewed and worried instead. it's my love of ulcers i guess.

the time came for the meeting and i went with sweaty palms. i went to the instructed room number with my daughter and waited for the dignitaries to join us. i was shaking and thought i just may vomit from worry that something was seriously wrong. i mean the principal was there, hello.

the meeting started and i listened to the special education teacher talk about how they had tested my daughter for speech, recognition, speaking interactions and such and how she had failed and tested in the handicap range for 23 sounds. i was sweating and horrified until 15 minutes into the meeting i realized they were telling me in a most politically correct way that my daughter had a lisp. at that point i had to put my hand over my mouth as this team of people were talking about how we can correct her handicap. i was stifling my giggles and trying not to soil my shorts i was giggling on the inside so hard.

then they showed me what she qualified for from federal funding because of here severe handicap and please sign here so we can receive a check every month she is in therapy. and oh, she will need at least a year of extensive training and correction. i then found out that this "special education teacher" was a speech pathologist. at that point it seemed that particular parenting ulcer of the month could have been completely avoided.

nonetheless. i was concerned that my beloved had heard them refer to her speaking as handicap and was worried. i talked to her afterwards about it and she promised to work hard at speech therapy. i secretly wished that she wouldn't, because after all, one of my favorites blogs for people with lisps. and where would we be without her?

adjusting...

2009-09-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

to this wonderful place. it has been really great to finally be in our new house. we have waited forever to be settled. it is funny how once all of the distractions fizzle life seems to slow down a bit. we had a few months this summer where every day was a new tragedy to figure out how to deal with.

s.mac started his new job and is officially addicted to neuro surgery. he comes home so happy as his hands have been working all day in someones back and brain. he is loving a 4 day a week surgery schedule, really loving it. although his neck has needed some rubbing as he is constantly looking thru the microscope.

our little rocky dog has found happiness 3 doors down as the 2 littlest ones have been on constant albuterol and inhalers since his arrival. our 9 year seach for the perfect dog ended tragically as his hypoallergenic"ness" hasn't proven true at this house. i swear, hold my kids up to a dog and if they can take it you would find a real hypoallergenic dog. luckily we found a great dog that found himself with a waiting list of families to go to. the first one on the list took him and we are hoping they love his great nature as much as we did. the kids have gone to visit him often and are coping with the loss well. still it is sad to know that we won't be a dog family. there are so many benefits to dog loving.

i have to admit to much loneliness as the two oldest are in school. hella and i are getting used to the quiet house for a few hours each day. i have had to stock up on some books and do the same for her. we bought her first set of KUMON the other day and are excited to start that.

we are not quite moved in yet. we needed a mandatory break from crazy, thus no computer service quite yet. it has been crazy to be without computer and tv for almost 6 weeks now and then almost a great vacation. the house has seen so much garden produce pass thru it. last night the red head and i pureed 2 gallons of tomatoes and there is a bushel of peaches waiting to be placed.

my favorite thing so far has been the windows. we are so sad to think they might ever need shutters you know? the views can't be beat. canyon and mountain views thru every window. one of the funny parts about being the lone house in the cul de sac is seeing prospective buyers come thru. every night more cars and then the next night maybe the same people coming thru. we have one family right now with a mirror family like ours. they are looking directly across the street or right next door. how lucky would we be to get some kids next to us. i have had to keep my house tidy as our door seems to be ringing constantly with curious folks. some come to tell us they love the design, others come because they have heard about that kitchen of ours. one such spectator came thru the other night because of the tales she heard of our kitchen. she was a rocky mountain girl wanting stained wood and cupboards adorning every square inch of the walls. i think my non conventional kitchen horrified her as she couldn't even lie about liking it. she just stared in possible horror. suddenly i felt the need to tell her of my funky likings and how i kept saying to myself, what would ina or giada do as i designed it. she just sat with her jaw on the ground.

that said.

i love our house. i love every crazy ceiling line, every willy wonka closet, and every memory we make there. last night i was reading the oldest kids a chapter from where the red fern grows. i loved watching bud "e" listen intently with his eyes so focused on every word telling the tale of big dan and little ann. i love this little space we have to hold our memories we are making as a family!

happiness is....

2009-08-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

wedding festivities.....

baptism.....
2 dishwashers and one good man....

i had to email these

2009-08-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

to the appraiser and thought you might like a peek. we are so far from settled. really. i am pooped. sick dog, home loan number 1,234,534 that just can't seem to close, gas leak, water leak, leaky toilet, s.mac gone for teachers camp and youth conference, old car died had to get another dave ramsey get along, need an unexpected $13,000 to close the loan(easy peasy right?), dirt and rock lawn sucks, juan not done painting, can't make up my mind about sending kids to charter school or public (i just want some peace about it), haven't paid homage to northshore pool, no lagoon, no cherry hills, finished life insurance policies. the last few weeks have put me under. there was a couple of hours yesterday that i spent looking blankly out the window.

but then i see a picture of this kitchen, oh mama. it just might be all worth it next week when we get thru this week which entails. an 8 year old party, a baptism, the temple sealing of good friends, temple endowments of a future siter in law, a big wedding dinner, the wedding, the reception, school starting, s.mac's new job, and hopefully our little rocky getting better. he is so sick. everyday i go down hoping he hasn't died thru the night. he got into the plum tree in our yard and ate into a pit and fruit oblivion. he is trying to pass the pits, poor buddy.

anyway, here you go.

the hardest part you know.

2009-08-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

for my church i have the opportunity to call on willing souls when one might be in need. our area is incredibly stable. babies are a yearly miracle, moves are rare, and we have only a few aged bodies. it has been wonderful when i have even had the chance to call upon people to help in some way or another, and also, very rare.

last week our angel lady in charge of the sisters in the area flitted off for a much needed family vacation. her son was home from a two year stint in russia and a daughter home from a 18 month stint in arizona. they fled for rest and as the angel wings left the town, we fell apart. within hours of her departure, one of the few aged bodies had a heart attack. it was very unexpected and it fell on a family with not a great family support. that is when we get to come into the picture. i called around like a mad woman coming up with a plan to save his wife's sanity. yes, indeed flo was a mess. her husband that had never been ill in all his life discovered his heartburn was the result of a heart that had 30% function. i was the first to take a meal in to her. she needed some adult company as her dinner awaited her. her feeble spirit imparted to me the strength of a 60+ year marriage. she had never been without him and was quite sure life would never be the same. she imparted to me all of her dashed dreams with this new diagnosis. i reassured her that life would go on and now, she would have an entire team to help her feel whole. we arranged lawn care, a cleaning crew, and meals for as long as were needed.

the next night our other unstable feeble bodied nora fell and broke her pelvis.
sweet as grandmas come my tears flowed freely as i called to her hospital room and talked to her and she told me how much she loved me as we ended our call. i could have sworn it was my own grandma the way her voice sounded.

a week full of filling needs, trying to think of what would make their burden light. the arrival of this weekend is serious business. 9 years of dreams are coming true as we move {for the last time E.V.E.R. mind you}. and i mean it we are moving even if it is to a tent in the back yard. with this news circulating around our acquaintances our phone has been full of kind words and deeds offered. i mean really kind. i think more meals have been offered on our behalf then when a baby is born. kindness all around us. you would never believe we are only moving a short half block away. maybe 8 houses up. but oh the kindness. it is hard to take. and that is the hardest part. taking a meal from someone when Wendy's is just down the corner and i am capable of driving down there. it is sure easy to take a meal in when you aren't the one in need. so this weekend i will be on the receiving end of others kindness. i am sure as we lay our heads to sleep in our new abode friday night for the first time, there will be a few tears of gratitude shed for the kindness shown in our behalf and that is the best lesson to be learned. accepting kindness from others.....

being peed on

2009-08-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

happened to me this day that i had strictly declared to be a mandatory lazy day. now, nowhere in the rule book does it clarify if being peed on ruins a mandatory lazy day, but i will say that i am on the verge of declaring that a distinct possibility. we have been sailing thru the potty training of mom really. i mean, it only adds another iron in the fire to train a small human whose "holding" muscle is really not medically capably strong to "hold it" thru tricky situations. really, mom's in fact learn to know when it is time to sit the child on the throne and cheer lead them into releasing "it". ella is quite taken with the process, wanting to be very involved in the audience of her performance, seeing everything. did i tell you my gag has been weak lately? maybe a puppy and a toddler to train altogether didn't exemplify my best sanity skills. but yes, a very weak gag from this motha. you would think after almost 8 years of mothering my own children this recent venture wouldn't bother me, but oh my friend, the tales i could tell of the gag this week.

on another note, we are moving this week. i mean it. we are.

we were going to move this weekend but then the gas company had to get involved with the leak and all. i just thought someone was having a 24 hour grilling party going on. but indeed no. a leak at our house of gas, all over. took the poor souls nearly 24 hours to restore the house back to normal. i cried when i saw my pretty house covered in yellow do not enter tape, cried a river. but i would much rather yellow tape then the stubble of black mess that could have been left in the wake of a gas leak. yes, yellow tape please.

i am barely hanging on thru this process i tell you. today, it was pajamas all day. it encouraged my red headed husband to get better. he is running a fever and coughing himself into next year. he has been running too hard for too long and it finally caught up with him. he is on bed rest i told him and the 48,965,356 people who have called needing him this weekend. he will not worship tomorrow, he'll not hang mirrors at the new house - no. none of it. he will lay in bed. now,

when i am lazy. i try real hard to live it up. not showering until night, maybe skip a tooth brushing to make it feel festive. my red head lays in bed, showered at the crack of dawn in a polo shirt. he was up early helping at the church with something or the other. he snuck out before i could grab his shirt tails begging him to be lazy. i had to sleep on the couch last night as his dr. ordered him to take some horrendous medicine causing the most atrocious smells to come from that nice husband of mine. every time i went in there i had to wear a mask and fumigate the area. poor lad. poor, poor lad. but i tell you, it could be sticky moving by myself. so i prefer a healthy moving mate. yes, indeed. all his favorite treats were fetched at the store last night to help him have something to look forward to in the midst of his laziness. wish us luck.....

adding to the family

2009-07-20T20:49:00.001-07:00

meet rocky.

rocky balboa the second that is. i was bent on a mayberry name. i was hoping the redhead would go for opie, sheriff andy taylor, goober or gomer pyle. but no. he was too embarrassed to have to tell his colleagues and others the name. that is fair. my only company kept in the day are people who wouldn't raise an eyebrow at such names. so for the masculinity at this house, we kept it manly.

he was the hit of the neighborhood.

we had some pretty stringent requirements as bud "e" is awful allergic to dogs. this particular brand has a beautiful coat. havanese are incredibly mild. in fact, when we first ventured to the breeders house, we saw how incredibly timid the mom and dad were. we told her that this dog had to withstand 3 children who would love and smother the thing. she told us he was the most sweet and curious out of the bunch. we were sold. he will be about 11-15 pounds full grown. they are used as circus dogs for their great ability to do "tricks". they are smart little things and we are super excited to venture into the world of animals. there will be a scooper for poop involved, lavender puppy shampoo and a tooth brush for pups. this dog will be the cleanest canine around.

and as you can see, there has been a lot of love given, hence the toothbrush.....

in the deepest recesses of their minds...

2009-07-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

my kids brains are full of "bobby's world" interpretations {please tell me i am not the only one who thought howie mandel was genius in his 90's cartoon}. for those of you whose childhood was incomplete and did not have the opportunity for howie mandel to entertain you in cartoon form, i will fill you in. the cartoon was based on a 4 or 5 year olds interpretation of adult phrases and how adults explain things to kids.

i would like to write down the many bobby's world interpretations that have happened as of late around here.

helen's "pee pee" being asleep. (see previous post)

bud "e"s random announcement that someone has just died in africa. obviously he has caught a commercial about how for $29.99 a month you can sponsor a child and save them from death, because every 10 seconds someone dies in africa. his announcement often comes after he has asked randomly, how many seconds have passed?

"winds of love" panicking about anytime we use water to brush our teeth. she was on patrol for a good month when we were about the business of cleansing the pearly whites, watching us, turning off the water before we could fully clean the toothbrush. i finally gave in, asking in a nice way - honey is there a problem?

yes mom, mrs. so and so at school told us that if we waste water my children and grandchildren won't have any resources when they are grown. i just don't want my children to grow up thirsty.

and the other night as helen was singing herself to sleep, she sputtered out the ever popular mormon children's song about jesus wanting her to be a sunbeam. her interpretation involved being a sun "beep".

life is never boring here.

training in action

2009-07-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

ella is entering the world of independence with the porcelain throne. i am a big believer that you need to make potty training irresistible. i set off to the local world of wally (walmart) and bought 24 sets of princess undies, 1 bag of kiddie mix, one princess stool, 3 $10 toys for the log drop, and i could not find the little glass bottle of sanity needed to potty train a hot headed 2 year old, darn.

things are going well, 3 day 3 accidents. the log has yet to plop, but. the piddling is going great. dry thru the night and all.

yesterday as she was waking up she informed me she wasn't in need of the potty yet. i was impressed with the way she told me.

mom: elles, do you need to peepee?

ella: no mom. not yet. my peepee is still asweeping. yeah, it not awake yet.

i told you once....

2009-07-08T08:28:00.001-07:00

but i will do it again.

she is tops, and how lucky that i get to call her sister in law.

>we took these last night at the new house. we have some great evening light thru the bay window in front and the blue upstairs made for a great background with the light from the dormer window. even my purple weeds in the back made for some amazing pictures.

click here to see more, she books incredibly fast.......

(and those amazing bridals of hers that were published? fabulous.....)

falling in love

2009-07-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

last night s.mac and i were contemplating the last nine years. he feels old with nine years of being married. myself on the other hand, i can't imagine a day without him. nine years seems a shallow number for all we have under our belt. we were talking about how jam packed our marriage has been and at the rate we are going what the future could hold.

i dated his best friend in high school. his friend was always kind and good to me. we dated a long time, a couple of years. thru dating this guy, i had the chance to be around s.mac on and off. we were often in the same groups. i think the guy i dated in high school was really a best friend to me. i was in love with his family. they took me in as their own and i have a tender place for all of them. when the boyfriend went on an LDS mission to the orient, i attempted dating. that is hard after you have been pegged as someone elses for so long. one of our other friends got home from his LDS mission and started to pursue me. i was really clueless about it for a while, also confused. there were some weird circumstances involved that really made me forget who i was and what i wanted out of life. i guess i chalk that up to life's learning curve. i went along with the whole crazy thing, still being in love with the missionary and being stupid really. it caused a lot of grief for people, but 10 days before the wedding i was put in a situation where the fiance was really mad at me. and by my admission, he had every right to be. i had the chance, as we were working thru this argument, to picture two little kids in the back seat of the car listening to this fight. i can't say i had ever been a fighter in past relationships and this was all new territory for me. i shut down when i thought of bringing kids into this tangled web. he was mad and drove me to his house and threw his keys at me and told me to drive myself home. it was like a light shone down from heaven and i could see that i had a choice. i could choose how i was going to be loved the rest of my life and this was for the birds. for whatever reason, we were toxic together. by the end of a grueling 24 hour period, the ring was returned. he came over one time during this period. i had the chance to express my feelings of not wanting to go thru with the wedding. i told him that we could continue to date and see if things improved. luckily the stupid words came out of his mouth - it is now or never. i then let him know that we had nothing to work with and i chose never. and that meant never.

he is a great guy and has married with kids of his own. it is unfortunate that we both had to go thru that experience because we were great friends and should have stayed that way. if i had not been treated so well by the missionary i probably would have gone thru with the doomed marriage. but i just couldn't let go of how good the missionary treated me and knew i was an idiot if i went thru with something i would be so miserable in. so, the wedding was called off and i started writing to the orient again. that seemed the natural thing to me. this must be meant to be. essentially his goodness saved me from this doomed choice. we wrote back and forth and pretty soon marriage was brought up. i thought for sure it was meant to be. what other sign did i need.

after a couple of months, things started to feel different to me. i can't tell you exactly what. i just really started to feel that as good as things were for us, we weren't going to end up together. i was so confused. i wasn't dating anyone else so there didn't seem a reason for me to feel this way. i tried telling my parents how i felt and they didn't understand either. i struggled with it for a month or so and then finally was so miserable knowing this wasn't going to work out, i had to write this poor guy's second dear john letter. i was so depressed hanging on to this and as soon as the letter was out the door, this weight had been lifted and i knew it was the right thing to do. i started to get over our past and prepare for the future. i really, really considered serving an LDS mission. i had an amazing experience where i knew for sure that i could go to any part of the world and bear testimony of what i believed. that gave me a huge boost from all of the misery the last 6 months had brought me. calling off an engagement, writing a dear john twice to a fantastic guy. all of this was going on in the february, march months. s.mac got home from his mission in february and we were really good friends. we often hung out with our other good friend ryan and soon the three of us became inseparable. we had all been buddies in high school and soon it seemed our days all intertwined. we took a trip to st. george, took about 3 institute classes a week together and made the rounds on the town on the weekends. these guys were super supportive of a mission in my future and i was a couple of months away from being able to start the process.

somewhere in the mix of all of this, s.mac decided he was ready to start dating. he went on a few dates and one weekend found himself without a date, but a date was planned with friends. i didn't have plans, so i was his back up. we had fun. our hanging out became just the two of us as our buddy ryan found a constant date that he was soon smooching. we were left alone by the process of elimination. s.mac talked about a girl he was interested in and i encouraged it. somewhere in the mix of talking and hanging out, i started to see him in a different light. soon there was a tulip left on my car and then a date was set for the weekend for the 2 of us. it started out as a hang out, but as the week progressed everything felt different. by the time the date arrived, there was something in the air. it was unfamiliar and exciting both at the same time. by the end of the date, i knew this was who i was going to marry. it was one of the most profound, indescribable experiences i had had that far in my life. it was happy, right, and i couldn't wipe the grin off my face. i remember waking up the next morning with the most happiness i had ever had. i was completely happy. in my sleepless night, my heart was warmed with how much a heavenly father must love his kids to let them know who they were going to spend the rest of their lives with such an amazing feeling. all of a sudden it was all worth it, all of the criticism over calling a wedding off, all of the criticism of writing a dear john twice to this poor guy. all worth even 1 minute of feeling they way i did that night. and you know, his parents reported being woken up that night to a love struck son. they were shocked but never criticized his choice, which i really, really appreciated. they had every reason to be alarmed that their son was in love with a girl who had such a sketchy track record. thank goodness for miracles.

the dating period was 2 short weeks before he proposed. it was perfect. i threw aside lofty dreams of a grand wedding and told him and my mother that i wanted a temple dress to get married in and a ceremony with a room that could hold our dearest friend and family. no more. after what i had been thru i ruled out the need for a diamond, coordinating colors, reception, cake, or an elaborate dress. i would have been satisfied to elope to the temple and call it good. my mom thought it appropriate to make it proper. s.mac wanted a reception so my mother planned it. i worried about the things i placed value on. we booked the ogden temple as they told us they would accommodate every person we invited. i found a lovely temple dress and i picked out a plain wedding band. anything else that was present nine years ago was due to the labor of my mother. it turned out brilliant and how she did it 2 summers in a row with two toddlers in tow is beyond me. somehow that day was perfect even thou i was subjected to a reception and a fluffy wedding dress.

it is funny, after nine years i can say we have been subjected to trial and heartache. we have also been able to partake in the sweetest experiences life has to offer. in my heart i know that with anybody else, it wouldn't have been as sweet. i am a lucky girl and everyday am so grateful for a turbulent period in my life that resulted in miracles and s.mac.